Left Behind | JiHan

This isn't a store! (14B)

Lately, I've ignored Hansol. All of his calls, ignored. His texts? Those too. When he would look for me in class, I'd tell someone to lie and say I was busy. In lunch I'd sit with Wonwoo and Mingyu, the cute couple I had met a while back. The school year was ending and I hadn't met many new people.

"Joshua! Stop this madness now!" Don't create a scene, Hansol. The teachers already think something's wrong with me, so just stop. Give up on me already. Why won't you? I already have. Life's a joke, I know that. But for some reason, Hansol wasn't a joke. I also knew that.

"What madness? You're the sucker who's gone mad. For fucks sake, cheer up!" My fake enthusiasm sounded so real, I thought he'd buy it. I even gave him a smile. I held onto my journal tightly. I knew that if Hansol read it, I'd be embarrassed out of my mind. I was basically talking to myself and pretending to have an audience. But it relaxed me. It helped with my heartbreak.

Now I'm fine. Hell, I'm better than ever. I think.

"Joshua, you're not okay. Jisoo-ah. Hyung, please listen to me." The last time he had used honorifics was so long ago. I turned and gave him a signal with my head to go on. "You shouldn't be so sad. Honestly, I get it. You're frustrated. Who wouldn't be? You just got out of a break up recently, and you're already feeling something for someone else? You think you're confused, right? Well, you're not." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. The doofus thinks he knows what I feel and everything.

"Even if you are confused though, it's okay. I told you once and I'll say it again. I don't mind being your rebound." I wanted to scream at him. Tell him he was insane, that I would never use him. And much less for something like that. But instead, I followed my own advice and laughed.

I laughed harder than ever, it reminded me about the time when Hansol asked me to go to his basketball game. "Rebound? You actually want to be my rebound?" I started laughing again, tears spilling from my eyes. Both from laughter, and sadness. Maybe even a bit from my madness.

"This isn't a store! I can't and I won't just pick a guy and use him. Then what? Throw them out when I'm done? Sorry, but that isn't how I work." I had a smile on my face, red eyes, tear stains on my cheeks, but if anyone passed by they'd think it was because of laughter.

"Hansol, what you just said was such a fucking joke. Enjoy the rest of your school day. I know I will."

Laughter. It cures the soul. Not as good as chocolate though.

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Edited August 12th, 2016