The Moment I knew i was never safe.

Voices in my head.

Jacks still sleeping, but its dark so of course he would be. I just couldn't sleep anymore. I'm just going to let him sleep, I get up once again and leave his room so he can sleep. I go to the roof and sit out there thinking of who I really am, but nothing comes up. I start to think about what happened to me to make me who I am today. Only if Jack knew what really happened. The pain my dad put me through was unbearable, but the pain I put my self through was clamming, seeing what I could make my self feel the pain physical that I was feeling mentally. Physical seeing the blood drip down my body as if it was like a drawing and my skin was the paper. I miss that feeling, seeing the blood escape for the open cuts. I start to trace my scars with my finger remembering everything that happened to me to get them.  No body will understand how badly I want to cover my body in scars and how badly I crave to see the blood spill out of my veins, to let me know that, I am in fact still alive. Its was makes me feel like I'm still here on the edge and I was willing to let go at anytime. I just gave my self a random reason to stay. But look were I am now. I know I'm not perfect, I never have been, and I never will be, I mean come on now I'm me. No one can fix that. I wish he could see the burning fire in my eyes and the pain in my heart. I want to let my torture soul free but I hide it from him because I don't want him to feel the pain I feel. The shadow of the darkness in my mind in becoming to much to bare. I have always keep my past a mystery but I think its time to tell him the truth. I look down at my trembling hands, the fear that I have keep in my heart needs to come out. The truth is that I'm afraid to say anything about my true feeling because I always get hurt.  I try to make everyone happy even when I am about to brake into a million peace's. I will do anything to see Jack happy. I hate to see his sad. I love his smile! I wonder If he's wake? I get up and go back into the house... I quietly sneak into his room and walk over to the bed and lay back down.

"AAAA"

"Awe Lex did I scare you?"

Jacks arms were tightly around my wasted, witch also held me so close to him.

"Maybe, just a little"

"Haha, just a little?"

"Yeah!"

"Come here"

"I'm already here"

"Then look at me"

I turned my head to look at him and he... kissed me..

"Jack why are you so happy today?"

"Because I have you."

"That's not a reason."

"Yes it is."

"NO it's not Jack tell me the real reason."

"Fine. I have something for you."

"What no, Jack I didn't want anything."

"Well I got you something anyway."

"Fine..."

"Well your my baby girl."

"I'm not a child"

"Sorry. "

"its fine. So what are we doing today?"

"Its up to you."

"REALLY!!????"

"No, sorry I was joking. I have something planed."

"Oh."

"Come on."

He pulled me up out of bed and carried me out the door. I was wondering where we were going but he wouldn't put me down. I tried to get him to put me down but he sad no and that was his final answer so I waited. And waited. And waited. Ugh where are we going?!? I looked down to see that Jack have his knife on his belt. I took it.

"Lex put it back."

"but, but, I just wanted to see and pay with it."

"that's dangerous, you know that."

"Yeah but I'll be careful."

"fine"

"Yay"

I opened his knife. It had a thin black blade and was razor sharp.  I slid my thumb down it. I could feel it split my skin into two and I didn't want to stop. I finally I took my thumb away and the blood slipped out of my sink and slid down my hand.

"LEX WHAT THE HELL"

"Hu" I dropped the knife 

Jack got it. "I thought you said you would be careful. Now look your bleeding and u almost stabbed your self and would of if I didn't get it. Why did you do that?"

"It was an accident."

"An ACCIDENT? LEX IM CARRYING YOU. I saw you do it to your self."

"Ok and sense you saw me do it why didn't you stop me?"

I made him put me down now, I was standing in front of him waiting for my answer.

"Well? Why didn't you stop me?"

"Because I thought you were strong enough but I guess your not..."

I felt pain wash over me. I shook my head and looked away from him. How could he say that... I looked at my thumb, it was still bleeding. I felt anger, I looked in to his eyes and walked right passed him not saying a word. I keep walking even when I herd  him yelling my name . I didn't look back or even act like I herd him. Just keep walking. I herd him following me.  I turned around...

"What Jack I can't walk alone because I'm not 'strong enough'? Because I can't take care of myself. Really I know I can do anything by myself and the fact that you said that! Have you ever cut before?? Its so hard to stop once you started and then you want to yell at me for it isn't going to help it ether."

"Lex that's not what I was trying so say."

"Then what??!"

"I was just shocked you did it."

"'Shocked' you mean mad, pissed the fuck off."

"Yeah but I'm not anymore. Your the only one that's mad."

"And I have the right to be."

"I know you do, but can you just talk to me?"

"Talk? Sure lets talk."

"Ok Lex I'm sorry. I shouldn't of yelled at you. I know I shouldn't of said that, you are strong. I know that you are, you always were."

"Yeah. I'm sorry for getting so mad."

"May I take you to the place I wanted to take you now?"

"If I can walk."

"Fine"

We walk for about a hour and go into a cave there was a water fall and a lake. I hugged Jack and then quickly moved away. He looked away and then hugged me from behind.

"This is were I want to marry you.......