Angela

Chapter twenty two

I might think about wrapping up this story soon, but I am planning lots of new ones. I've actually started a Phan fiction ( Dan and Phil ) so if you are a fan of them why not go and check it out?

¡Adiós!

*****

He told me he'd be back soon, my heart pounding in anxiety I pace the tiny living area of our house waiting for George to fulfill his promise. He won't answer any of my calls. Me and Hazell are pacing together as dad snores beside us, too drunk to care. Both of us are almost in tears with worry, bile starts to rise in my throat but I push it down and swallow it. There is enough misery in this world as it is, I won't tolerate it anymore. My fingers feel around wildly and uncontrollably until they land on my forearm, stained with the ghosts of my pain. Scarred with numerous cuttings, when life gets out of control. Pain gives you something to hang onto.
No, I grit my teeth. I promised my mother I would never hurt myself, never cut again, but this was coming from the woman who committed suicide and left her only family broken and in the dark. Stained with bruises that would never heal. I loved my mum so much, tears prick in my destroyed eyes and I collapse into an armchair. Immediately Hazell is with me, comforting me but there's only so much somebody can do to cheer you up when they're in tears themselves.

Hazell eventually retires to bed, deciding I was best left to my own devices. But in truth, her company is always best. When I'm alone it feels far, far worse. But then, I wouldn't expect somebody that young to understand something like that. My ears pricked, as alert as I've ever been I continue to cry in the armchair, waiting intently for a knock at the door. But when it comes, I am not greeted up by George's voice.

I am greeted by a policeman.

"I am Colonel Demond, Whittengarden Police services. Are you Miss Angela Lewis?"
"Mrs, soon." I snivel piteously. I hear a gasp in the background and almost burst out crying afresh.
"Are you..."
"Yes. Sir. I am blind."
"Um, okay. So are you aware that your fiancée was out."
"Yes."

I bite my lip nervously, anticipating what's to come, my hands trembling. New tears threaten to spill. Confusion clouds my mind. What in holy fuck was happening?
"And how old are you, Miss Lewis."
"I'm eighteen."
"Thank you."

Before my brain has a chance to register what to do my mouth responds.
"Why are you here, officer?"
"Your fiancée has been in a severe car accident."
My throat clogs up, I can't speak. I can't talk. No, no please don't let him be hurt.
"Is he..."
I pause to swallow unable to say the word as fireworks of pain explode in my head and my heart slowly collapses. I feel my stomach tighten with unreleased tears. One escapes and rolls down my cheek onto my hand.
"I'm afraid, George Nero. Has been confirmed dead, we fully understand your loss and grieve for you. Free counselling can be issued if you'd need."
I shake my head before slamming the door and collapsing in a broken heap on the floor. I am aware that Hazell is across the hallway watching me, but for once I don't care.

The news has broken me even further beyond compare and I know I have lost everything worth living for. My body and my soul feel like they are slowly imploding and the fireworks are pounding in my head once more. The pain and sorrow of losing the one love I have and will ever have being more than I have ever endured and will ever endure. My body racked and shaking with sobs I curl myself into a ball and block out surrounding sound with my hands before collapsing onto the floor.
I've lost more than I ever believed possible. My mum, my sight, my luck, my mind and my love. I'll tack that onto my long list of reasons why it's just not worth it anymore.

I promised my mother I would never hurt myself.

But she would understand.

From the box kept under the stairs I pull out a length of rope.

****

George is dead.