Angela

The Epilogue

So in the last chapter Angela committed suicide :-(
She left Hazell behind.
Hazell has to face everything on her own.

I'm too sad to say adiós.

*****

Hazell's P.O.V.

I replay the message Angela left me. Tears streaming down my face. Pain glistening in my eyes and heart. Betrayal and hurt. She left me, everyone has left me. She wasn't a burden, she was the only thing I had left and now she's gone. I have nobody, I'm just a lonely girl in a desolate world. Daddy doesn't know yet. I don't even want to tell him, it sounds weird but it kind of feels like a secret between me and Angela. We are best friends. Or we were. So we had secrets. Yet every time I look up at her body there's an aching in my heart that reminds me that we can't have secrets anymore because she is dead now. She died, she killed herself, and what's worse, she was so selfish she didn't stop to think how broken I am now. No she was all I had and now I am left with nothing, it's like watching my life crumbling into dust as I drown in the dust. Maybe we weren't best friends after all. The anger seeps into my veins and boils my blood. My mouth starts yelling before my brain has time to stop it.
" YOU MEANIE, ANGELA!" I scream without thinking, pounding the floor with my fists and yelling my head off, eventually when daddy comes over to ask about the ruckus I was making he doesn't tell me off. When I stop I feel drained, like an emotionless shell. To confused to cry, to distraught to do anything else. We sit in silence hurting internally. The happiest person in the room is Angela, she wears a joyous expression, she is happy that she is leaving us behind. She doesn't care about the pain we're going through, she left the voicemail to save herself guilt. She's just like the rest, she pretends to care so she can think of herself as a nice person but really she doesn't.

The pain keeps creeping up into my system though I tell myself not to care. She's happy that she's dead, and so I should be too. Daddy has left my side, he is on the phone. His voice cracked and slightly slurred with his drinking but I get the feeling that I'll have a new beginning. That everyone will, that he will stay strong for me, that he will become my new Angela although I know that she will be irreplaceable. She replaced my
mummy and now she'll be replaced by daddy. But I can look after myself, I've grown up now. I'm big,I can cope even though Angela and Mummy will never really leave my side. I have had to grow up, forced to by hard times but that's a good thing because it helps me remain strong. I snivell, feeling a sense of finality then I go and kiss my sister goodbye forever. Her lips are cold, ice cold. There is no warmth of my old sister left in them, her recording is still playing and I listen to her voice, knowing that never again will I fully listen to her again except in that recording.

My heart staggering its way through it's beats I turn away, I find a knife in the kitchen drawer and do what my sister used to. I cut. My mind clouds with the pain but then becomes clearer, the stinging gives me something to hold onto, smearing the blood with the tip of my finger I write a message on her cold cheek.

Luv u sista

I suck up the rest of the blood from my wrist and watch as the blood ebbs away along with the rest of my sanity.

****

Daddy bundles me up warmly in layers of black velvet. He had already brushed my hair until it crackled with static but he continues to do so, staring off intently into nothingness, his eyes swimming with guilt and pain. He hasn't drank since Angela's death, he has been just like the daddy I wished he had been a long time ago, he told me himself he felt guilty. That he would make it up to me, that he would pour all his drinks down the drain, that he would be the daddy he wished he had been when he needed to be most. I look at myself in the mirror, tracing the outline of my cuts with my finger as daddy kisses my forehead then rushes off to find the keys. I release a single tear and listen to daddy as he talks on the phone, his voice laced with emotion.