hold me tight

Parents

- katys part of view -

"I can't do this, katy!", he yelled.

"Can we please talk about this", I said shyly.

"No, I need to think about this", he replied.

"Fine"

The whole ride we didn't said anything. I just heard how John whispered things like fuck, am I not enough, womanizer...

I am so stupid. How could I tell my mom those things. I love him.

What if he will break up with me.

This silence was killing me.

"John", I said.

He ignored me.

When we arrived our home, he jumped out of the car and shot the door.

I was scared about him.

I walked behind him till he stopped in the middle of the living room.

He decided to sat down on the couch.

I keep standing there.

His hand were on his head.

Suddenly he put the keys on the table and walked towards me.

John put his hand on my cheek.

He pressed his lips on mine.
I was shocked. Why is he kissing me right now. In this situation.

I pulled back.

"What was that for?", I asked.

"Can I tell you story?", he said.

I nodded.

We both sat down on the couch.

"For years I had a girl in my mind. Which had her own head and do what she wants. I always wanted to be the man at her side and save her.
I was to shy to talk to her or either text her. In the media I saw that this girl married. My heard broke into thousand of pieces. Of course I had girlfriends but just to forget her. She seemed so happy with her new husband and at this point I gave you up. I knew that I haven't a chance. Also I didn't wanted to destroy her marriage. This feeling doesn't want to go away. I felt pain and to love someone who never will look at you is pain. Deep pain.
She got divorced but I didn't even tried it at her.
Months later she texted me. And I was happy again. The girl who I loved for over 3 years had an eye for me", John said.

I was speechless.

"You are talking about me", I said.

He let out a deep breath.

"I'm sorry"

"No, katy. A sorry isn't taking back what you said at your parents home!", he yelled.

"Please don't yell at me", I whispered

"Than explain me what you said there!", he said.

I took a breath and started to explain.

"So many told me that our relationship is going to fast and I should think about it. I am divorced since kind of over a year now. I didn't wanted to run in something new but when I kissed you for the first time I got so many butterflies in my stomach that I was shaking..", I said.

"And why did you say that you aren't sure. Are you still questioning about me?", he asked.

"No. I put this thought away. When you run away and didn't wanted to talk, I felt pain. I imagined how we will break up and this was killing me. I can't live without you. You are the reason why I'm not still sitting here crying and screaming because of Russell", I said.