I Can't Help but Want You

Chapter 16

March turned to April, April to May and May to June. Three months since I last saw Jasper, heard from him, anything at all. Luke had been hanging around me more and more often as the time flew by, but each day was kept on a cycle. I would come home stay in my room until dinner. Then after dinner I would go out to the garden that was now flourishing with life. The flowers and clouds remind me of what once was but I didn't want to see it again. All I wanted to see was my future. Over and over I listened to the wind hoping it would tell me something anything that could make Jasper come back.

There was a loud knock at the door, it was probably Luke he had been over once a week for what I'm not sure. We would usually just watch a movie or something, I didn't talk to him much and I made it as boring as possible for him.

I swung the door open and sure enough I was right. There stood Luke with a giant grin on his face, I gave him a half hearted smile. "Come on in I guess," I gestured for him to come into the house.

"Actually I thought we could go out somewhere, just the two of us." I looked at him stunned and a little confused. In all the time I had known him he had never been one to make plans. I shrugged it off, maybe it would do a little good for me to get out of the house.

He drove me across town to a very large building his dad owned, it was one of the tallest in town. He led me to the roof, there was a blanket and a basket, how cleaue. "I know it's stupid but it's the best I could come up with."

"This is not a date," I stated. The last thing I wanted was for him to get his hopes up, but this was a date and a sweet gesture.

"Fine whatever you say. Just two friends, sitting on a rooftop, under the stars, with a small blanket and a picnic basket."

"That's right," I giggled. I could feel my stomach growl, I hadn't eaten tonight because both my parents were home and I was still trying as hard as I could to avoid them and do as little communication as possible.

"Come on let's eat I'm starving," he said grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the center of the roof. We ate cold subs that he had bought from one of the best sub places in town. It was funny to think that even the picnics I ate were high quality. At the start of my life I would have never imagined this type of life was even a possibility. Once we were done eating we laid back on the blanket and looked up at the starry night sky. Most of the stars weren't visible in the city lights but the ones that were definitely shined the brightest. For a long time we sat in silence. I looked over at Luke, he was looking at the sky with such awe the moonlight shining on his handsome features.

"Look a shooting star make a wish!" He closed his eyes letting his lashes kiss the top of his cheeks. I did the same, "I wish Jasper would come back to me" that was the only wish I could think of. The only thing I wanted more than anything in the world. "What did you wish for," Luke spoke after a moment.

"Can't say it's bad luck," I smiled smugly. If it's one thing he hated the most it was not knowing something.

"Well do you wanna know what I wished for?"

"What?" He came closer to me, my heart skipped a beat. I know I didn't love Luke but he was someone who was close to me, and maybe if I never had fallen for Jasper I would have fallen for Luke.

"I wished that you would fall for me like that star." I looked at him in shock, he really had changed. Before when I first met him he would have wished for something like to win the season, or break a sports record. "Will my wish come true," he said when I didn't speak.

"I-I..." I didn't know what to say, you couldn't exactly choose who you love. "I don't know."

His blue eyes danced with emotion and wonder as if they were imagining all the possibilities. "Be my girlfriend and I'll show you you can love me. You'll know for sure. Come on."

"Luke I can't just- I'm still waiting for Jasper to come home." I sat up and looked at my hands that rested in my lap.

"He's not coming back," he said coldly. I looked over at him and read that his eyes were dead serious.

"How could you say that!" I snapped.

"Because it's true."

"No it is not!" My blood was boiling, what a senseless jerk I can't believe I thought he had changed. He was still the same selfish moron he had been when we were dating.

"Rosey it's been three months and I guarantee you it's gonna be even longer. Are you really gonna wait on a guy who is god knows where who may never show his face again." He took hold of my hands and looked into my eyes. There was a rush of sadness that washed over me. He was right, I had no idea if Jasper was coming back. Maybe it was time that I tried to move on with my life. "I just want what's best for you," he muttered.

"You're right," it was time I faced reality and moved my life forward. I had made up my mind and was going to be happy. And if Jasper ever did come back I would drop it all in an instant to be with him. "Fine, I'll date you, but just know if he ever does come back." I looked into his eyes as they sparkled with anticipation and joy. A smile creeped on his face and his shoulders lifted with glee. "I'd choose him."

He nodded, "I think I can live with that." He pulled me in and held me tighter than ever before. I felt my heart sink, I thought this would make me happy but all I felt was guilt. I looked up at the starts listening to the wind, trying to hear it read my future out to me. Trying to hear it tell me if I was making the right choice and what I should do.