Waves of illusions

Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Hands close over my neck blocking out the oxygen, I thrashed and tried to kick that person away but it wasn’t working, I screamed but no sound came out, I could feel my pulse it was going so fast. Everything was a haze; I was in a fucking dream. I wasn’t really being strangled. I gasped happily and pinched myself, but it wasn’t working. My eyes flew open in fright and my eyes met the pale skinny hands that were wrapped around my neck. I choked and gasped as sweat ran down my face.

Matt was leaning on top of me with his hands locked around my neck, his face was full of hatred and anger as he squeezed my neck, I tried to pull his hand off but he didn’t let go, he held on even tighter. Tears ran down from my eyes in fear and I looked at him straight in the eye. The sweet kind eyes were gone, replaced by cold eyes with a wild look indented in it.

I didn’t want to hit him, but I was left with no option. I slapped my hand on his shoulder with all the force my body could muster and then suddenly his hands slid from my neck, a scared innocent look replaced his angry face, and he stared at me in shock, gave a choked sob then crumpled on the bed sobbing.

I coughed and coughed as blood rushed to my head, my throat felt dry and painful. Not feeling safe being in darkness with Matt I flicked on my bedside lamp. The soft yellow glow didn’t match the tense atmosphere. I stumbled out of my bed and choked and coughed my way to the toilet. After gagging into the toilet bowl for a good minute or two my throat finally felt less sore, but still painful. I looked at myself in the mirror; my neck had handprints and bruises littered on them. I fingered them and tears sprung into my eyes. How could he do that to me?

I returned to my room cautiously, taking slow steady steps as I stared at him in shock and fear and even suspicion. He sprang up from the bed when he saw me enter.

‘’oh my god, I’m so sorry Soph, I’m so so so sorry,’’ he cried.

I stood across the room from him and leaned against the wall looking at him, I didn’t trust him anymore. That bit was clear enough. If he was somebody else I would give them the cold shoulder, kick them out of the house and tell them to get help and never return, but this was Matt. Not some random person.

‘’I didn’t mean it,’ he said desperately. ‘’I didn’t know what was going on; I didn’t even realize I was doing it until you slapped me. Oh my god I’m so sorry,’’ he continued crying.

I stood unmoving.

‘’holy fuck,’’ he wailed hyperventilating now. ‘’I…oh my god, I can’t believe I did that, I…’’ he wiped the tears away and looked at me with the same desperate look.

I recognized the symptoms of a panic attack bubbling on the surface, scared for him more than myself I ran towards him and put my rubbed his back gently.

‘’don’t cry, take a deep breath, it’s ok, everything’s going to be fine, nobody’s going to hurt you, you’re safe,’’ I said calmingly.

His breathes slowed and slowly turned back to normal.

‘’I’m really really sorry,’’ he apologized again staring into my green eyes. His blue eyes lost the happy twinkle and were replaced by a dull gaze.

‘’it’s completely fine,’’ I reassured.

‘’please don’t hate me,’’ he said timidly.

‘’of course not,’’ I promised.

He caught sight of the bruises on my neck and fingered it gently before his eyes widened in fear.

 ‘’oh my god, did I do that to you? ‘He asked panic rising in his voice.

‘’yes,’’ I said not wanting to lie.