Waves of illusions

Chapter 17

Chapter 17

‘’Matt, look at me,’’

He keeps his face from me and buries his head in his hands.

‘’matt, please,’’ I said in a strained voice.

He shakes his head and continues hiding his face from me.

‘’I’m fine,’’ I argue with a sigh.

He keeps his head buried and I sigh and look away at the window, the whole class is literally falling asleep, our teacher basically left a documentary on and left the classroom, everybody just fell asleep leaving the documentary humming in the background.

Raindrops hit the window pane and thunder rolls in and causes a loud clash, the weather matches my mood exactly. Rubbing the temple of my head with my hands I close my eyes and exhale, the bright light from the documentary causes my head to throb.

At the end of the lesson, the loud bell brings everyone back to reality; they wipe the drool from their mouth, rub the sleep from their eyes and shove their books in the bag then head out.

‘’I can’t look at you,’’ Matt mumbled still keeping his head from me.

‘’why?’’

‘’I don’t want to see the bruises I gave you,’’ he said in a quiet voice.

‘’it’s healing, it’s fine,’’ I insisted.

‘’no it’s not,’’ he said almost in a childlike voice.

This was literally the whole day, me convincing him that I’m fine and telling him to look at me, then him turning away and giving me the same excuse over and over.

Keith hasn’t been friendly to him either, always shooting him glares and gritting his teeth whenever their together. The others had no idea what happened between the three of us, but seeing Keith’s pissed off face was enough and they knew to back off and let us deal with whatever it was that needed to be dealt with.

Normally whenever Keith and I argued it would be solved within a few hours, so having a full blown argument for 24 hours was completely new. Another thing was that whenever we argued one of us would always break down and apologize to the other one, but this time we were both stubborn and determined to not weaken.

Whenever we walked by each other I turned away and he stuck his nose in the air and sauntered off, but not without shooting me a mean glare or a hiss. I simply looked away with what I hoped was confidence.

‘’look, it’s going to be fine,’’ I said again as we walked out and headed into the cafeteria.

I tried placing my hand on his shoulder but he shrunk away.

‘’don’t touch me,’’

‘’I’m not going to hurt you,’’

‘’no,’’ he said shaking his head. ‘’you’re not going to, but I might,’’

‘’you’re not going to Matt,’’ I said again with a small sigh.

‘’you never know,’’ he said shaking his head even more firmly. ‘’I can’t hurt you,’’

‘’why do you have so little confidence about yourself? You have great self-control,’’

‘’no I don’t, especially not when I black out like that night or whenever I have a panic attack’’

‘’describe what a panic attack feels like,’’ I said curiously.

‘’you just feel like you can’t breathe, your whole body shakes with fear and sweat comes down because you’re so scared. Your whole body feels numb and if people try to calm you down it just gets you more aggravated. I don’t know why, but I also black out, like the last few times,’’ he said still avoiding eye contact with me.