The Past Can't Be Forgotten. (All Time Low fanfic)

We Learn From Failure, Not From Success.

When people don't want to understand something, when the truth is too painful, then it's impossible to make them see that what you say is real. But, on the other hand, most of the time, if you try hard enough to make them believe something wrong, if you look conviced enough, people will believe you and agree with you. They'll leave you alone. Which means that if you really want to be forgotten about, you can be.

I can say that beause I've been forgotten by many people. Sometimes, it was better that way, but other times, it hurt me that I wasn't important enough for one single person to notice I was missing.

I wanted to make them believe that the old me was back. That all my problems were behind us. I wanted it so bad that everybody believed me. Now, I'm not so sure if it's a good thing that I'm on my own. I've taken a walk outside but it wasn't helping much, mostly because nobody even asked me where I was going, what I was doing.

And that sounded really selfish. I really don't want attention. I just wish someone cared enough not to let me alone with my thoughts and memories.

I ended up in a bar. I had drunk some beers. And that was something beautiful. Drink six beers and your bad thoughts were starting to go away, each next one stealing your memories and sadness. Everything that made me come here was forgotten. Suddently I had no more problems. And that was beautiful.

My phone vibrated. And even in my miserable state, I knew I'd have to deal with the reality.

Where are you? You've been gone for two hours. Can you come home, please?

No. I didn't want to. There was no point in going home. God, even beer couldn't stop me from overthinking. This was getting out of control. Just like everything else in my life lately. Sure, I was feeling a little better. A bit less hopeless. But nothing was near to be fine. I wish Tom was here. He always could make me believe that everything, as fucked up as it could be, was eventually going to get better. But he's not here anymore. He's never going to hold me close anymore.

You know, I never thought about it before, but maybe Tom and Jen were dead because of me. I was bringing problems to everybody, even though I didn't mean to. First my brother. then Jen, Jack, Rian, Zack, everyone.

"Hey bud! Bring me another beer, please" I asked the barman.

"I think you've had enough for tonight my friend."

"I think I deserve a break from my life, man. Now, please, bring me a beer."

My phone rang. Jack was calling me. I picked up because, honestly, what else could I do? The barman refused to give me a drink and I'd eventually have to face him.

"Yeah?" 

"Alex. God, I..." He started but I snorted and cut him. 

"I know you love me, but I'm not God, bro." 

"Don't play that game. Where are you?" Jack asked with concern in his voice. 

"Somewhere I thought would be cool but someone doesn't play along." I glared at the barman who just smirked at me."I won't take that as an answer, and you know it. Which bar?" 

"The one you have no idea where it's located. You know, so I could just be alone."

To be an asshole to everybody wasn't the right thing to do, trust me. But it sure was easier than to face my issues.

"You know if you don't tell me where you are, I'm going to go through every bar in town until I find you, right? Believe me, you better stop playing stupid Gaskarth."

Did I just piss off Jack? I don't think this happened ever before. He hasn't called me by my last name in forever, it was weird that he did it then.

"Alone. Do you know what it means? Because right now I'm not sure, Barakat." 

"Last time I left you by yourself you almost opened your veins. What am I supposed to do, uh?"

And yeah, that one hurt. But it was real. And just like that, my rebellious behaviour flew away. He had a reason to insist. Jack had every right to wanna come find me.

"Alright. I'm coming home."

"I don't think this is a good idea, Lex. Just tell me where you're at, and I'll drive you home. Please."

How could someone possibly care about me? I was nothing special. I couldn't even do anything right, always ending up more fuckep up that it was before. Even if it didn't seem possible. I was just me, hating me everyday of my life, and wishing I had done everything differently. But still, Jack cared enough to risk and fight with me for the 12th time today. That made me wonder if I deserved that.The only reason why I was still here was him. Somehow, he managed to create a way through the hell inside my head. Bram Stocker said "Despairs has its own calms." If ever that was true, Jack was mine. And I hated that I couldn't bring anything good to his life. I hated that I was slowly consuming him.

But once again, "There is a reason why all things are as they are." And maybe, for once, that was enough of a explanation.