The Past Can't Be Forgotten. (All Time Low fanfic)

Straight?

The rest of the day had been weird. Jack was staying away from me, didn't talk much and didn't look me in the eyes. 

"You know, I don't understand. You didn't have to kiss me. I didn't ask you to do anything." I said suddently, making Jack look at me. Finally. 

"Alright. You wanna know? I wanted to do this since I knew how bad you were feeling. But I always reminded myself that you were depressed because of Jen's death, which makes you totally straight. I wanted to do something to make you feel loved, to prove you that I care. Seeing you sad all the fucking time breaks my heart because you don't deserve to feel so down, ok? I got moody because you're my best friend and I shouldn't feel this way towards you. And because you haven't said anything at all. What should I think? Try and see it from my point of view for a second. I'm not supposed to feel this w-" 

I kissed him to shut him up. I didn't really know how I felt about him because right then he was the only one who cared about me, who was there for me. Kissing Jack felt so good because I knew him better than anybody but it also felt so wrong because I've been depressed about my girlfriend's death. 

"I guess this answers part of my questions" Jack whispered, his forehead against mine. 

"So... Help me with this song please?" I asked. 

"Way to kill the mood Alex." he said, grabbing his guitar. 

"You were the one telling me I needed to finish this song, remember?" 

"Right. So, yeah, since you have what must be the chorus, I think the first verse could be like..." He murmured before strumming something on his guitar. Something extremely beautiful. I didn't know how he had come out with it so quickly, but it was amazing. 

Would I sound crazy if I said that what Jack played made some memories come back? Because, well, it did. So I grabbed my notebook and began to look for words while Jack stayed there, without saying anything. 

"Can you play that again? I'd like to try something..." I asked once I finished writing the lyrics. 

"Yeah, sure." He answered. 

"I wish you could see your face right now, cause you're grinning like a fool. And we're sitting on your kitchen floor on a tuesday afternoon. It doesn't matter when we get back to doing what we do, 'cause right now could last forever just as long as I'm with you." And we played the chorus together just after that. 

I  often daydreamed. Most of the time about my brother or Jen because I really missed them. It was like they were with me for a while and everything was back to normal. But then someone came and woke me up and the images of my brother -mostly- faded away and disappeared as if it was never even there in the first place. 

And there was this pressure again. My breathing became heavier, my eyes filled with tears and a horrible pain stung in my chest. I couldn't move, I wouldn't do it anyway.

"Alex? Alex?! Where are your pills? Answer me dammit!" 

"kitchen" I managed to say. 

I saw Jack running out of my room before I started to overthink everything that could cross my mind. My whole body was shaking, my eyes didn't want to stay open and the only thing I could focus on was the way I could make it all stop. No more panic attacks, no more pity from my friends, no more pain. Just me and a razor, going deeper into my skin each time. 

"Hey. Drink it. Lex.. You need to drink it. C'mon, I don't want you to feel worse. Take your pills and you'll be fine. Alex.." 

His voice was doing something to me. It was like when he talked, he was sincere, like everything he said was true. Just like that, I took the glass from Jack's hand and drank slowly.

"What were you thinking of, Lex? There's always a reason why... Talk to me..."

I didn't wanna talk, I couldn't either. The fact that this cutting thing was becoming more obsessing everyday was almost unbearable. I didn't want to live like this. I didn't want to pretend I was alright.

"If you don't wanna talk, then don't. But you need to break down, Lex. It's been so long, you have to let your emotions come up and get out..."

I knew Jack was right. Two years and a half was far too long. But somehow, I wasn't able to let it all out. I was scared of what it would do. Even more now that I had made probably the mistake I had the most sworn to never make.

"I don't know what you think. I don't know what's in your head. But I know one thing : This isn't healthy. You shouldn't be living like this. Maybe it wasn't only because of.. you know.. Jen. Maybe there's something we could have done but we never did. I don't know, but we can try to fix it all if you're willing to. Open up. Just a little, Alex."

Maybe Jack found the words. Maybe, just maybe, he was making me feel better just by talking. And maybe I did want to get better.

As his arm laid on my shoulders, I felt the warmth come up in my body. My shaking stopped, my eyes opened, everything slowly got back to normal.

"I'm pregnant." I said.

"Tell me I'm the father, please."  He whispered.

And, yeah, maybe he actually made me laugh when I was thinking that it wasn't even possible anymore.