The Past Can't Be Forgotten. (All Time Low fanfic)

Life.

Two days. Two entire days spent sitting alone on my bed. I hated that. I hated the fact that I was pushing everybody away. But somehow, I couldn't help myself. Jack always tried to come and talk to me, to make me eat or something, and everytime I ended up screaming at him.

I've become everything I swore I'd never be. It was terrifying. I was never meant to be my own enemy. I shouldn't fear what I could do.

"We ordered chinese, don't you want some? I bought Nutella too. Come on buddy. Get out of this room." Jack asked.

"We have videogames!" Rian said.

"Come have fun, Alex!" Zack tried.

But no. I really didn't want to go back to my real "life". I mean, I'm not even sure what was real or not. I was all the time in my room, trying not to go crazy because I couldn't stand each breath that I was taking. Isn't that sad? That what most people consider as a gift, this life that's "given" to us, became my own curse? In this case, what's the point in living? I don't judge people. But I really think that all this thing created around God is stupid. God is an excuse for all the imperfections and mistakes that are made. At least, it's what I think. Because if there was someone up here, watching us, he wouldn't want someone like me to keep on living while suffering that much. I'm not complaining though. I probably deserve it.

I believe that if the stars still shine in our nights long after they're dead, it's because they went through so much in their lives that a little more time has been given to them, just to show everybody that it's worth it. They're so beautiful. I know I wouldn't mind staring all night long at the sky. It gives me hope, peace.

Someone came suddently in my room. I already knew it was Jack.

"You'll end up sick, Alex. You need to eat. And sleep. You're scaring us.." 

I know I was physically scarying. I have been for a while now. I can't believe I make everyone suffer from my weaknesses. Something to add to the list of things I hate.

Lately, said list was growing a lot.

People tell that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. That if you're having a bad day, something will make you feel better sooner or later. But what if, not intentionally, we don't want to see that light? What if darkness became welcoming? What if it's better in there than in the "light"? 

I wasn't a good person. I have done bad things in my life. I have let people down when they needed me the most. I had taken it all on myself later, and by that betraying other people. Maybe I just wasn't meant to see any light. 

"There's something I think you should see." Jack suddently said, cutting me out of my thinking, and making me watch him in interest.

Jack took his phone and gave it to me. The Twitter app was open on one of his tweets.

Show some support to Alex who's been feeling bad lately. Show him how loved he actually is, please.

Below it, hundreds of answers. Most were "Feel better soon!" or "Awwn. I hope it's not so bad". But some of them actually touched me. They reminded me of why I held on so long. "He saved my life, I hope by letting him know it, he'll stay strong. I love you Alex". There were dozens of those tweets.

"See, you saved their lives. This band, all that we've been doing for these past ten years has helped thousand of people, including us. Don't you remember all that we've done to be where we're at now? I do and so do you, I know it. They all count on you. I count on you. Alex, you can get through this, trust me."

It's weird, you know? That feeling you've got when you realize that somewhere on the road, you made your point. Your life had influenced other's. In a second you become useful when you thought you were useless. Because of strangers, of people you've never even met, your life has a purpose.

They're miles away from me, know almost nothing about me, but still, they mean so much. It's like they're the only thing that keeps me down on earth. They're my stars, so far away but so bright in my eyes.

Tonight, my sky is full of hope and confidence. I know I can be the old me again. I know I can make Jack, Zack and Rian happy. I know I can make all my stars proud of me. All I have to do, is try hard enough for it to work.

I took my phone and tweeted.

You don't know how much I owe you all. You're my stars, showing the way through the hard times. Thank you all so much. Jack, you're the brightest one of my stars.

I kissed him. Thing I hadn't done in a while. Thing I sure missed. And, apparently, considering the way he kissed back, he was enjoying it just as much as I was.

It can seem wrong what I was doing, but honestly, at that time, I couldn't care less. All I knew was that I was finally seeing the light through my deepest darkness.