I still walk on hallways I used to lean on.
Sometimes, after a long day
With doubt and frustration,
My heavy heart leads me here.
To sulk more and bring myself down.
I stare blankly
As my mind work through all could haves
As I run my hands on doors that were once open for me.
Polished brass
Scratch-less wood
Unchipped paint
Brand new
But closed
What could have happened?
If I chose to walk through that door
When it was ajar for me.
What could have happened if I did?
Because for the first time in my life,
Im not sure of how it goes
Like river during nighttime
With torrents of busy water
I feared what it would throw.
And I let it.
I let the unknown work through my chances
To my days
To my actions
To my feelings
To things I should have managed.
I will forever wonder what could have happened to me
Would I be contented?
Would I write poems like this?
Would I know what I know now?
Would I actually be better?
Could I have been entirely different?
Sometimes I regret.
Sometimes I don't
I wouldn't have known what I know
And I can't see myself being someone else than who I am right now.
And it powers my will enough
To walk back to the door I picked
And let the closed door I didnt choose
To stay behind my back
Behind my mind
Behind who I am right now.
