At the end of the day,
I unknowingly miss myself the most.
Because this heaviness
Wasn't here in the past
I've been down
Too many times to count
But never was I the girl
Who fell on the bed
As her last resort
I always thought that I can do anything
To wipe the sadness away
And probably replace it with
A slight upward curve of my lips
Play games or instruments
My dog or biking
Talking to people or so
Always thought that sleep
Sleep was useless
Being less sad while unconscious
What an unfruitful idea
So I thought at least if I don't sleep
If I do something,
There is a chance for me to be happy
A chance to forget and be more
But to all of this
In contrast
This time
Sleep
Sleep is paradise
Because I have days that I wish to be anywhere
Than where I am
To be disguised in a different name
And burden
Out and about
Learning and being someone new
Not this
Not a heavy baggage at the core of my chest
Heaving my heart down to my feet
I have days where
Happiness isn't present
Anywhere I go
Like they said it was in me all the time
So it was
The unknown waiting room in my head
As I sleep
I have days where everything doesn't affect me
Only the dark hole
That keeps on sucking my will
And so I open the bedroom door
Let myself be welcomed by the dark
The silence
The softness of the bed
Inching closer until my back
Is flat on its clench
My heavy head finally aided
I look up to the ceiling
To the clock
To the darkness and silence embracing me
I was melancholy
But comfort and exhaustion
Is the best pair
For my escape
The best resort
Sleep
Heaviness non-existent
Is it sad to think
That I feel like a being
While sleeping?
Am I that really hopeless at being a person?
Only alive when Im not conscious
