Kaisoo One Shots

Brise (6/8)

From: UBS – SEOUL
To: Kim Jong In.

"Mister Kim Jongin.
The Universal Ballet School offers the most sincere greetings, congratulating you once again for being admitted in our exclusive program for the class of 2013, in the national audition of summer of 2012. The reasoning for this email is to also give notice that registrations for our School begin late spring, to request your forms please contact .
Another email will notify you the precise dates and times.
Greetings,
The Universal Ballet School.
Seoul"

Jongin blinks twice and immediately closes the tab, his heart starts to beat faster and he eyes to his left, where Kyungsoo is playing with his phone – he thinks the shorter male beside him didn't read a thing, since he hasn't commented on it.

"Do you want to have ramyeon?" - he speaks, getting up of his office chair and looking for his wallet.

"Do you want to talk about that email you closed so suddenly?"

Shit.

Is not long before Jongin can stop wearing coats and boots to leave the house, suddenly the trees start painting the landscape a pretty green and flowers start to bloom. His schedule hasn't changed much, he's still the same Kim Jongin that goes to school in the mornings and practices ballet in the afternoons, is the same Kim Jongin that takes little jobs from neighbors and is the same kid that can only count with his best friend – since his relationship with his two remaining family members is practically nonexistent.

"Do you want to have a Harry Potter marathon on Saturday?" – Jongin asks on the first Thursday of April, while sitting in front of Kyungsoo, surrounded by students, his voice is muffled.

"I can't" – he answers – "I'm going on a trip with my parents..."

Jongin waits for Kyungsoo to say something else, but the other stays quiet. It's strange since the past times, Kyungsoo has asked him to join them on their trips.

"Oh..." – is all he can answer.

"I'd love to watch Harry Potter with you, Jongini!" – a skinny figure almost chokes him with a hug, he smells like baby powder which has always freaked him out. He spots other three figures approaching; they giggle and sit around them.

"I wasn't talking to you, Baekhyun, let go!" – he pushes his classmate, but the other is surprisingly resistant.

"Let him go, Baekhyun" – Kyungsoo speaks as he closes his book and gets up slowly, Baekhyun lets go but is not fast enough, the shorter male catches him in a headlock that has Sehun, Jongdae and Chanyeol tearing up with laugh.


"We can work on the math assignment on Saturday" – Jongin says a week after that, he softly removes a dread of hair from Kyungsoo's eyes – "then we can watch a movie or something..."

"I'll be out of town on Saturday..." – Kyungsoo announces – "I'll get here Sunday night maybe..."

Jongin waits for an invitation that never leaves Kyungsoo's lips.


"Are you going to be available this weekend?" – Jongin insinuates before Kyungsoo has the chance to blow him off for the fifth time that month. Kyungsoo snaps his eyes from the TV screen and smirks.

"I will..." – he responds while holding his boyfriend's hand and coming close to give a small peck to his lips – "...next weekend I won't, though."

-

It's mid may and Jongin dreads each day that goes by, he can't really explain why since he is going to become everything he ever dreamed off once graduation gets there in a little over a month...he feels selfish each time he wishes nights can last months, he feels stupid each time he wishes he can get a magical watch and stop time, he gets scared each time he considers telling his father he may have to leave to Seoul when summer comes – he feels the worst when he remembers Kyungsoo has never brought up his plans post-graduation.

Breeze enters through Kyungsoo's strangely large bedroom window, is not a cold night, is not a hot night – Jongin stays still as he can hear his boyfriend's quiet breathing, seeing his shadow move slowly, up and down. He can't sleep and he tries not to move a lot, remaining face down, getting the breeze tickle his naked back, he lets minutes go by, sensing the sunrise must be close. Jongin gets up for the 4th time that night, checking the lonely street, going down the stairs to grab a glass of water, washing his face and resting once again on the bed.

He has been like this for over two weeks and is getting tiring.

"Jongina." – Kyungsoo speaks low, Jongin has always liked his sleepy voice, since is raspier than usual – "Are you okay?"

"Yeah" – he answers him, turning to face him – "I just can't sleep"

"You can turn the TV if you want"

"No, it's-it's fine..."

"Do you feel sick or something?" – Kyungsoo turns around to be face to face with his boyfriend.

"No- I-I'm okay. I-"

Kyungsoo frowns but Jongin can't see his features, he moves to reach his hand, caressing his cold skin.

"Kyung..." – he says in a more quiet tone – "What are you going to do once we graduate?"

The older tries to focus Jongin's eyes or expression, but he gets nothing more than dark shadows – he breathes slowly and intertwines his fingers with Jongin's as a chuckle leaves his mouth.

"I was waiting until later on to tell you, maybe after graduation but..." – he answers – "I've been going away each weekend for lectures and pre-admission tests for college..."

Jongin's heart takes a jump, he's even more scared now.

"Where?"

"Seoul?"

"Are you serious?!" – Jongin jumps from the mattress and almost lands above Kyungsoo.

"Keep your voice down!" – is all Kyungsoo can reply as he sits in front of Jongin – "Yeah, I want to apply for Multimedia at the National University of Arts. I didn't tell you because I wanted to surprise you...is that what has been bothering you this past month?"

"You're going to do really well I just-" – Jongin can't stop smiling – "Wait, how did you know I was-"
"Do you think I don't know you?" – Kyungsoo dead pans.

"You noticed?" – Jongin asks, lowering his look to his lap, he thought he could keep it together, to not worry anyone. They remain in silence for a moment - "Each day I get more anxious about leaving, Kyungsoo. Each day is scarier, you know? I'm so nervous about money, about my dad, about everything I have to leave, but above all, because I'd have to do it alone. That terrifies me even more. This is going to sound very suffocating but you are the only person I lean on each day, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo remains in silence as his boyfriend plays with his fingers.

"I know." – he answers, giving a little squeeze to Jongin's hand – "I've made sure to not leave your side since we were little, this is maybe a little pretentious of me, and I've never confessed this, but since I met you I've known you need someone with you, that you need comfort and company."

"And is definitely not pity or that I felt sorry for you, Jongin, is just that I noticed you. I remember you were so lifeless in class all the time, you were so lonely, so quiet and so skinny, and it's not that I was the biggest ball of sunshine but I just couldn't see you like that"

Jongin furrows his brows as his memory trails to something Chanyeol said many years ago:

"I always thought you were very chatty since Kyungsoo is always talking to you, and Kyungsoo doesn't really talk to people...he talks with you. But is only to you. It's nice."

"I'm still really skinny, you know?" – Jongin says with a smirk.

Kyungsoo nods with a smile on his face, pulling Jongin to lay again, cuddling in between pillows and covers, lacing their legs together.
"When you told me about your mom, your dad and the problems you had, I made myself promise I was going to be there for you" – Kyungsoo explains – "And since you got admitted I only kept finding the way I could still be close to you...this isn't weird, right?"
"No! Not at all..."– Jongin answers, stroking his boyfriend's soft locks and embracing him with his other arm– "You don't have an idea of how happy this makes me, Kyung"

They share a tender kiss and Jongin thinks he could never love someone as much as he loves Do Kyungsoo - glares and quietness included.

"So...National Art School?" – Jongin inquires – "when are you applying?"

"I already did, last week" – he responds – "You know I've always liked the media production and digital animation so...I'll get the results in a month I think"

"I only want to know one thing..." – Jongin comes closer to Kyungsoo, wrapping his arm around his waist, exploring the warm skin under his t-shirt, whispering softly – "...are you going to marry me anytime soon?"

-

Graduation day is a mess. The weather could not be hotter, is mid June and for the first time, he has to wear every single piece of his uniform, is rainy and the environment smells like wet dirt, Jongin has to wait until 2 pm to see Kyungsoo that day, and to top it all, he has to spend a really awkward 20 minutes locked inside his father's car.

Oh, and Eunmi would not shut up the whole ride.

"Jongini, you know we haven't talked much these days, what are the after graduation plans? Any work thoughts?" – she turns around from the front sit, her artificial light brown locks jumping around her face. Jongin's throat locks up and he tries to avoid her eyes, ignoring his father is analyzing his features from the front mirror.

"I don't know, Eunmi" – he answers.

"I've always thought you could work in a bank, a person that works in a bank doesn't necessary need people skills, not like me, I keep all my clients very pleased at the bakery-"

She continues like this all the way to the school, until his father turns the engine off and they walk the half filled school parking lot. He spots some of his classmates, wearing the blue and red uniform, everyone having surprisingly coned hair and perfectly clean shoes. His eyes scan the auditorium, he spots Sehun and his parents, Hyeri chatting with other girls from their class and Baekhyun and Chanyeol are approaching; he doesn't see the only person he was really looking for.

"Congrats, dude" – Chanyeol slaps his back and Baekhyun giggles with his arms locked on top of his chest – "We are graduating!"

"Yea, cool, right?" – Jongin says – "Have you guys seen Kyungsoo?"

"No, he must be on his way, the ceremony is about to start" – Baekhyun answers.

"Hey! When are you going to Seo- " – Chanyeol practically screams and Jongin can't thank enough the fact that Baekhyun runs and covers his friend's mouth.

"When are you going to sit, Jongin?! Your sit is over there, go go I think Jongdae is already there, go!" – the skinny guy says quickly and exaggeratedly and Chanyeol's face can't hide the embarrassment. Jongin hasn't had the courage to look at his father. Baekhyun pushes Chanyeol the opposite way, waving goodbye to Jongin's family.

"I'll go sit, see you later" – Jongin waves and jogs to his place, ignoring how his father eyes him suspiciously, he doesn't move and Eunmi drags him by the arm as she yells "We'll take a lot of pictures, Jongini!". He rolls his eyes.

Minutes pass and Jongin keeps eyeing the main door every 20 seconds, Kim Jongdae is sitting right beside him and he keeps making fun of him – actually trying to keep Jongin distracted because he can tell the other is very nervous. The auditorium is filled when its 1:56 pm, the professors are already on the stage and Jongdae is speaking about his future plans in Seoul, where he will study Musical Theatre in a prestigious college. Jongin smiles the brightest he has that day.

"When are you leaving?" – Jongdae asks.

"In three weeks" – Jongin answers.

"Kyungsoo is going with you?"

"No, he leaves a month after that"

Jongdae nods and remains quiet. Jongin turns around and he spots Eunmi waving her arms, his dad is serious as always, arms folded on top of his chest. He tries to draw a smile but fails, so Jongin pretends he didn't see. He scans the graduate's sits, where he sees Baekhyun chatting with Minah, her hair prettily cascading down her back, two rows behind them a beautiful girl that liked to be called Sulli was taking selfies with a person he quickly recognizes – small shoulders, big head, big lips and big eyes – his chest takes a jump and he can't avoid smiling.

"You could try to pretend you are not desperate" – Jongdae says as he plays Angry Birds on his phone.

"Shut up, Jongdae"


"You looked so cute in this one, look!" – Eunmi flies her phone close to Jongin's eyes as they enter the living room, his dad flicks the lights on and goes to the kitchen – "OH MY GOD!" – Eunmi screeches for the 5th time in 20 minutes – "And look at this one with your friends, this was cute, I remember when Kyungsoo was 12 he hasn't changed at all!"

"Jongin, can you come here for a minute?" – his dad calls him – "Eunmi, can you leave us alone, please?" – the man says when he hears high heels come close. He swallows thick.

Jongin has been nervous the entire day, not because it was his graduation, but because he swore he was going to tell his father about Seoul that day.

He's shaking.

"Yes?" – he asks once he has entered the kitchen and finds his dad with arms folded, leaning on the kitchen counter. He hears Kyungsoo's voice when they encountered quickly after the ceremony was over.

-

"Congratulations" – the shorter smiles, playfully punching Jongin on the arm with his certificate.

"Same to you" – he replies.

"You're going to do it after this?"

"Yeah, we'll head home, and I'll tell him there" – Jongin says – "Hopefully he won't kill me"

"He won't..." – Kyungsoo assures – "He's probably going to be mad, but he has never been violent to you, has he?"
Jongin shakes his head.

"If anything happens call me" – Kyungsoo says, placing a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder – "It's going to be okay, Jongin. Call me either way, okay? Just to know what happened. You can go to my house for dinner"

Jongin smiles at him.

"You look really handsome today" – he says, getting slightly closer to Kyungsoo and showing a playful smirk – "Do you know how much I want to kiss you right now?"

"Wait for later, Jongin. There's a lot of people here"

"Would you believe me if I said I don't care?"

"You do. We both do"


"So..." – his father begins, pulling him out of his thoughts – "Congratulations"

The man extends his arm, giving an envelope to Jongin. He's shocked, taking two steps to reach it.

"Thanks" – he opens it carefully, revealing many bills perfectly aligned. He's more than shocked – "Wow, thanks dad!"

"Do you want to tell me what you're doing?"

Jongin frowns.

"I don't get it, I'm here?"

"What are you doing for the future, Jongin"

He remains in silence since he was so blunt about it, he didn't expect him to be like this. Jongin swallows and tries to remember what he had prepared, but nothing comes to mind.

"Well?"

"I-I-I-" – Jongin keeps stuttering and he thinks he should sit, he's frozen, hands slowly wrinkling the envelope. He takes one big breath and thinks he can formulate something – "Dad, remember I used to talk to you about this Ballet School..."

His father frowns a little bit, but not enough to have Jongin scared.

"I applied and auditioned last August-" "did you go to Seoul last August?!" "Yes, but let me finish, please" – Jongin tries his best to remain composed, calmed, and most importantly, to act maturely – "I passed, dad. I got selected and I should be starting college in four weeks"

"So, you..." – his dad begins, words losing meaning when reaching his tongue.

"I'll be leaving in three weeks"

Clacks come closer, like a drum, Eunmi rushes to the kitchen and stops right next to Jongin. The room stays silent for a moment, his dad's eyes are lost somewhere behind him, not really looking at anything, or maybe glancing his mom's picture placed neatly on the living room.

"You're going away, Jongini?" – Eunmi asks, her eyes suspiciously filling with tears.

"Eunmi, I said to leave us alone..." – his father says, coming closer to them.

"But dad, he said..."

"I know what he said, and we can discuss it later but right now..."

"You have to let him go, dad" – Eunmi says, and Jongin snaps his head at her direction – "We have never support him! He has to go, dad... if he managed to pass that audition he must be so talented, dad, do you know they don't just let people enter this type of scho-"

"Eunmi!" – his father raises his voice as he punches the table with a fist – "I swear to God"

She bows slowly, tears falling down her cheeks; she gives a smile to Jongin and leaves the room, they can no longer hear her steps, so they assume she removed her shoes.

Jongin remains on the door frame; he can't feel his hands since he has been squeezing the envelope more and more. His father nods him to sit on the table in front; he takes a sit as well.

"Dad, I-"

"I knew you were hiding something" – he begins talking – "I'm not that stupid, you know?"

"I never said-"

"I knew you were hiding something, like that time you pretended I wouldn't know you were taking dance lessons..."

"And is not like I want to hide it from you, dad, is just that-"

"And that is my fault"

What the fuck?

"I've been terrible at communicating with you two" – the man says, he glances at the ceiling, as if he could see Eunmi through the thick concrete. His eyes show regret and is difficult for Jongin to see this side of his father – "I never managed to get a hold on you liking ballet; or on Eunmi liking to speak so much she could actually be a reporter or a lawyer or a public speaker – you understand it was hard, right?"

Jongin doesn't respond in any way.

"You understand life has been hard for us...since your mother is not here..."

Jongin's ears are like a drum where he feels his heart beat furiously. Since he can remember, he has never heard his father say anything related to his mom, he has never named her or knowledge she even existed - just when he buys flowers for her death anniversary.

"And I'm sorry- I'm sorry I'm using that as an excuse. I'm sorry I was a poor father to you, Jongin"

"You weren't-"

"Yes, I was" – he repeats – "I never walked with you to elementary school, I never went to any of your basketball matches, I never went to see you dancing...I never let you freely enjoy what you liked doing, I never communicated and even so I expected you to be honest to me... that was stupid of me, and I know I have to change, Jongin"

"And if going to that school is what is going to make you happy, then I'm happy...and I'm proud that even if I wasn't there for you, you managed to be the young man I have in front of me now"

Jongin is shaking and he feels he's going to cry any second now.

"I-" – he tries to say, his voice breaking after one word is said – "Thank you"

"Your mom would be so proud of you, Jongin"

"Thanks, dad" – he manages to say, his hair falls in front of his eyes as he lowers his head because tears begin to drop.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GUYS" – Eunmi yells from the top floor, her voice is nasal because of all she has cried. Jongin hears his father chuckling for the first time in many years, and that makes him show a smile.

"I'll go talk to her now" – the man says, getting up with a low sigh – "We can talk about your trip, where are you going to stay, and all that tomorrow...you can rest or hang out with your friends"

Jongin dries his tears on the way up the stairs.