Kaisoo One Shots

Bite [3&4/10]

  It aches to feel happy, because he hasn't seen Jongin in a while. It aches because under that there's sadness and loneliness, and under that there's guilt. Kyungsoo curls in his bed when the winter holidays are coming close and the only thing he has is a text message reading "I can't today".

Jongin walked out of his apartment a morning in November after having a long night of rough sex – as always he said things that left Kyungsoo thinking, and as always he kept them in the quiet, because Jongin probably has many things in his mind already. They can't meet up after that, because Jongin is three times busier, because his debut teasers are coming out and he needs to prepare more.

Kyungsoo is always the one texting first, and when two weeks at a time pass, he feels worse. He's bored of you. He repeats at nights when he can't focus on anything, he has other things in his mind, and lets face it you're not that important.
His phone buzzes again, taking him by surprise until he spots another face in the display picture.

[8:02 pm 12/19/2015] Sehuna: Friend!!!! Wanna come to a party?

[08:03 pm 12/19/2015] Kyungsoo: Tonight?
[8:05 pm 12/19/2015] Sehuna: Nah, it's an invitation for my 30th birthday
[8:06 pm 12/19/2015] Sehuna: yes, tonight, stupid.

Kyungsoo doesn't move nor does he smile for several minutes. Sehun texts him again, demanding an answer, and Kyungsoo gets up from his bed and walks to his bathroom muttering "what the hell".

He finds himself in Sehun's balcony again, this time decorated with many lights that resemble fireflies, his hand is wrapped in a beer bottle and he's finally distracted, music pumps hard from the living room, as Baekhyun tells a story about finally putting in practice his taekwondo skills. A tall guy named Chanyeol is the one laughing the loudest in their group, and Sehun comes waltzing hand in hand with the same skinny girl he had made out with on his birthday party. Kyungsoo doesn't remember her name.

"How are you guys doing?" – he asks, placing an arm over Baekhyun's shoulder.

They smile and laugh, even if the breeze seems to have frozen their jaws and muscles.

"Aren't beers making you even colder?" – the girl says shyly, pointing at Kyungsoo's hand, half of her face covered in scarves. The group composed by Baekhyun, Jongdae, Chanyeol and Junmyeon agree that they could do with taking rum or vodka, Kyungsoo merely shrugs.

"Come on, Sehuna...I'm freezing" – the girl says.

"I'll bring you guys a bottle" – Sehun says.

"I'll help you" – Kyungsoo says out of instinct. He likes helping.

The walk feels momentarily like a déjà vu, people dancing in the living room and the music bursts through the speakers, Sehun's parents are not home once again.

"They won't be here until next week, they'll spend Christmas in Singapore" – he announces, winking in Kyungsoo's direction and shamelessly pointing at the girl with the long brown hair.

Kyungsoo snorts softly, he's about to go through the kitchen door when he spots a familiar face in a tall male, laughing in a far corner of the living room. Kyungsoo turns back and walks directly to him, his hand clutching the cold beer bottle – it's definitely him.

Jongin laughs loudly, his back resting in Sehun's leather couch as Taemin and a group of people are around him. Kyungsoo doesn't know what to think and his heart seems to be beating faster and harder, the music seems to have stopped. Without giving much of a second thought, he stands in the middle of the group, right in front of Jongin and its almost comical the look of utter surprise he gives.

"What are you doing here?" – he asks, getting up and placing his glass on a nearby table.

"Hey, Kyungie!" – he hears Taemin drag his words.

"Don't call me that" – Kyungsoo manages to say, turning his face just slightly, the group has stopped talking.

"What are you doing here?" – Jongin repeats, getting up and walking out of the group, intending to make Kyungsoo follow him. The others continue the talk, Taemin slumps on the seat Jongin was on just a few seconds ago.

"Sehun is my friend too, you know?" – he deadpans – "I thought you were busy."

"I was...but there was a change of plans" – he responds.

"And you couldn't tell me?" – Kyungsoo spits, almost in disbelief.

Jongin frowns just a little, taking a good look of Kyungsoo's face.

"Kyungsoo...I don't have to tell you everything" – he says calmly, wrapping his arms over his chest – "Did you think– we're not dating, you know that right?"

How plainly he says these words is what slaps Kyungsoo into reality, the music comes back to his ears, how loud everyone talks and people dancing nearby. Jongin remains still, staring at Kyungsoo's face and then to their surroundings, almost uncomfortably. Kyungsoo replays the last words again, and as he looks further into Jongin's eyes, they seem colder and carrying a deeper meaning. He traces back a promise they made months ago: "It's clear, just sex and no romantic feelings. And whatever happens, we stay as friends."

It's clearer than water, but yet he can't understand why he's so mad, even madder than how he was just minutes ago when he first spotted Jongin.

"You're an asshole" – he says, out of nowhere.

Jongin chuckles. "Are you really mad? You knew how it was, Kyungsoo. You can't be mad"

In a loss of words, he decides to leave. He walks back to the balcony without saying anything else to Jongin, his hand still around the empty beer bottle. Jongin doesn't seem to call after him.

"Where's the booze?" – Junmyeon asks.

"What?" – he can't associate that with what just happened, but then he reacts, realizing no one is supposed to know.
"Who even says booze, Junmyeon, that's so– hey, are you okay?" – Baekhyun walks past Chanyeol and touches Kyungsoo's shoulder – "You look pale, and you're sweating..."

"I'm fine" – he mutters, licking his chapped lips – "I want to go, I don't feel good"

"But you just said..." – Baekhyun glances around – "Chanyeol is the one with a car, Kyungsoo, maybe he can take you"

"Who?" – he seems deaf and stupid, not thinking about what he's saying or what people are saying, his voice is lost in between his thoughts and the music that now is causing him a headache.

"Hey, Chanyeol! Could you take Kyungsoo to his place? He doesn't feel right" – he hears Baekhyun yell.

"Hey, I thought you were behind me and suddenly you were gone...here." – Sehun nudges a rum bottle to Kyungsoo's arms and places six glasses on the balcony edge – "I saw Jongin near the door, you saw him? I thought you were coming together."

Kyungsoo releases a puff of hair.

"I'll call him" – Sehun says but is interrupted by a loud refusal from Kyungsoo – "Gee, are you okay?"

"No, he says he feels bad" – Baekhyun says, grabbing the bottle and passing it to Junmyeon, who begins to fill some of the cups.

"Do you?" – Sehun glances down, directly at his eyes, like a father to his kid, in between his long fringe.

"I'm fine!" – Kyungsoo finally snaps – "I just want to go. Fun party, Sehun"

Kyungsoo doesn't say more and storms through the sliding doors, into the living room, permanently looking at the floor and stumbling with several people, his heart takes a jump when he looks at the spot where Jongin was standing; someone else is there now. He's close to the elevator when he remembers that it won't open if he doesn't have Sehun's keys. Twenty floors can't be that long down the stairs.

"Kyungsoo" – he stops for a second, but he can't stay inside that place with Jongin anymore – "Can you wait!"

He feels a strong squeeze to his arm, and he has to turn around, letting go with a rough jolt. Jongin lets go at once, his eyes wider than normal.

"Listen, I didn't mean to upset you..." – he begins, raising his palms – "But I really don't like when you get all whiny, okay? If I forgot to let you know, it was an accident, you don't need to turn like this"

"I'm–" – he wants it to be quick, like removing a band-aid, the burn and the little tingle afterwards, it must be quick – "We should stop"

Jongin frowns, introducing his hands into his front pockets.

"We shouldn't do it anymore, Jongin" – Kyungsoo explains, his voice barely audible under the music, Sehun's neighbors must be so pissed off – "It's fucking me up"

"What?" – the younger mutters, looking down, expecting to see anything under Kyungsoo's dark bangs – "Fucking you up?"

Kyungsoo nods and intends to walk to the stairs, but Jongin holds him by the wrist.

"No, explain to me, Kyungsoo" – he says – "What do you mean?"

His voice raises and the faint scent of alcohol numbs his sight, his lips are closer and the wrinkle between his brows is clear. Sehun comes in sight over Jongin's shoulder.

"I thought you had left..." – his voice falls and disappears when he notices Jongin's hold on Kyungsoo's wrist.

"I'm going with him." – Jongin announces and Kyungsoo looks at him – "Nice party, man. Can you take us down?"

Sehun glances around and fumbles on his pockets – "I'm going back with Krystal, here." – he tosses a set of keys to Kyungsoo's hand – "You can give them back some other day."

And after looking at Kyungsoo's and Jongin's face one last time, he turns around to get back to his apartment, Jongin calls the elevator with one finger, he nudges his sneakers on the marble floor and his hair falls to his face. It's the first time Kyungsoo has felt friction between them, they don't look at each other in the eye and Kyungsoo is just waiting to be on the street to ditch him – he can't be around Jongin anymore.

The elevator is warm – but what Kyungsoo is feeling is almost suffocating. The silence is immense, the music now fifteen, sixteen floors up.

"I'm going this way" – Kyungsoo announces once they're outside, shoving the condo keys in his jacket and walking quietly. Jongin calls his name.

"What are you doing?"

"Walking" – he says.

"It's like fifteen blocks to your apartment, are you crazy?" – he takes two steps, but not so to invade Kyungsoo's personal space again – "Let's get a cab"

"I'm not going with you, Jongin" – the older mutters, but standing still on his place.

"Listen, we got to talk" – the other says – "And I'm freezing, I left my jacket up there"

"Why did you leave your jacket?" – Kyungsoo raises a brow. The winter cold is severe these days; although he has always liked it, he knows Jongin doesn't.

"Because I was looking for you" – Jongin says – "And if I went to get it you were going to leave"

Kyungsoo remains quiet, and as Jongin understands the silence, he walks closer to the street, still a little busy, even if the early hours of morning are approaching.

Jongin jumps out of the cab and waits for Kyungsoo near the door, his arms tremble and he keeps blowing hot air out of his mouth into his numb fingers. Pity rises slowly inside Kyungsoo's stomach but he takes his time, even in the apartment, he doesn't acknowledge how Jongin shivers into the living room – on a normal day he would offer hot chocolate and blankets. Not now.

"Kyungsoo..." – he stutters out of pale lips – "Did you mean what you said?"

Kyungsoo sits quietly on a stool, watching him from the kitchen counter and regretting dragging this – everything – for so long.

"What part?" – his voice is raspy.

"That we shouldn't– about us stopping..." – Jongin's voice is low, almost shy, almost scared – "You said it was fucking you up, did you mean it?"

Kyungsoo nods, his heart beats quickly – it's uncomfortable. Jongin walks to where Kyungsoo is – the bar where they used to eat cold ramen is what separates them. Jongin doesn't say anything and is actually worse than the Jongin that laughed just an hour ago, the one that chuckled and told Kyungsoo it was out of place to even say anything. This one is looking for something in Kyungsoo's eyes, and he's scared he might find...

"Listen, would it be so bad if we...try?" – Kyungsoo mutters, but he's sure this is incomprehensible – "If we do have a relationship, after all?"

Jongin frowns just slightly, his hands have stopped shaking, and a film starts rolling inside Kyungsoo's head, how much it can change and how much it can happen if they decide to be boyfriends, how much trouble it can bring not only to himself, but to Jongin's upcoming career, unnecessary fighting and unnecessary bitterness. Kyungsoo realizes how bad this can go.

Abort mission.

"Forget it" – he spits and walks to his bedroom – "You can stay here if you want, you know where I keep the blankets"

"Kyungsoo, hold on" – Jongin trails his steps – "Can you be clear?"

"How much clearer can I be?" – Kyungsoo answers, taking off the two sweaters he was wearing and staying in a white T – "I want us to stop, we can stay as friends because I promised, but let's just give it a rest. This isn't working for me...and you clearly don't care much about me, so let's just call it quits, okay?"

Jongin stops and frowns.

"Who said I didn't care about you?" – the younger of the two speaks.

Kyungsoo snorts – "Jongin, you obviously don't. You preferred to go to that party than to be with me-" – Jongin groans – "...and I'm not sounding whiny, it's just the fact"

"I forgot!" – he yells – "I was busy! I was about to go to a different studio and suddenly it got cancelled and Sehun was there, and he invited me, for a second I thought of giving you a call but I thought you were already busy studying or sleeping, I don't fucking know...that doesn't mean I don't care about you...don't say that."

"And– I'm sorry about what I said at the party, I was– I guess I was taken aback...I don't like when people start cornering me like that" – Jongin ends, slumping on Kyungsoo's mattress, staring at the ceiling.

"I wasn't cornering you. You do get I was mad?" – Kyungsoo says.

"I do...I get why..." – Jongin mutters – "but you can't flip out like that"

There's silence again.

"And just for it to be clear" – Jongin gets up and walks towards Kyungsoo, there's no time for him to back away so Jongin places softly both of his still cold hands around his neck – "I care about you a lot, Kyungsoo"

His eyes are open and the dark brown shines beautifully – Kyungsoo believes it, because he thinks he knows Jongin enough to recognize when he's bluffing or lying – his heart is beating faster, and he doesn't think clearly when he places his fingers in the hoops of Jongin's jeans.

"Do you really want to stop?" – he blinks, his long lashes reflecting the light and Jongin joins both of their foreheads to touch. His lips mist his with alcohol but it feels warm and welcoming – almost like it's the scent Kyungsoo needs at the moment.

The question travels from Jongin's lips to Kyungsoo's brain and its automatic how an answer pops in his head, it seems obvious, yet Kyungsoo shakes his head and pushes himself deep in Jongin's lips, excited to taste the truth of Jongin's feelings inside his mouth.

Is a rough kiss, but Jongin tries to sooth Kyungsoo with each lick he gives to his lips. As always, he knows that Kyungsoo likes Jongin's pecks on his jaw, how he demands for him to not be so gentle, and knows that it drives Kyungsoo crazy when he takes his time.

As they find themselves undressed and rocking back and forth on the soft bed covers, it feels like it clicks again - the previous events seem to be buried – Jongin caresses Kyungsoo's hair out of his sticky forehead, sucking on the sensitive skin near his collarbones.

"Push harder" – Kyungsoo commands underneath Jongin, fisting the white sheets – "Harder"

He repeats it over and over again as Jongin stands on his knees and spreads Kyungsoo's legs open. Kyungsoo closes his eyes and his mind fogs; it seems like a completely different day. Was he really mad just a few hours ago? His groans grow louder with each thrust Jongin gives, and is like music to his ears when the younger curses Kyungsoo's name in a moan.
Kyungsoo opens his eyes to find Jongin kissing his cheeks and neck, but not like he was doing it just a couple of minutes ago; he does it tenderly, taking special care to push his lips on particular moles he likes – the one on the back of his neck or the one under his right collarbone – Jongin caresses his shoulders with the tips of his fingers, and they are still connected for a long while after that.

The sun appears as an orange glow in the room and Kyungsoo still hasn't fallen sleep. He doesn't know if he's too tired or if his thoughts are too unorganized – Jongin breathes calmly next to him, his mouth semi-open and red marks decorate his neck – Kyungsoo is the one responsible for that.

He breathes the winter air, even if every window and door is closed. There's silence and tranquility and he'd say the moment is perfect, but there's one thing bothering him: he knows Jongin is something that will not be easy to give up.