Teenage Dirtbag

15

-Harry-

What was wrong with me? I felt like I had just ruined one of the greatest things that could possibly happen to me. She was right. She's been right this whole time and because I didn't go through with it, I practically lost her.

I walked into first hour, trying to find her. She was in the corner with her friend, faced away with me.

"What's up with her?" Niall questioned, pointing quickly in Noel's direction.

"Nothing."

"But I thought you guys were like-"

"Just drop it, I don't want to talk about it right now." I was so quick to answer, I didn't even realize it was my own best friend. I sighed, running my hand through my hair like I normally did.

"I'm sorry okay," He nodded, giving me the most fake smile he could give anyone.

"I'm just- after hearing her say that about me? What would you do if the girl you loved called yo-" I stopped too late, knowing that I'd gone too far.

"Harry. Did you just?"

"It just slipped! I-I didn't mean to-"

"Why are you making it seem like it's a bad thing? Harry you love her.."

Before he could finish, Mr. Allen's whistle was mortifying to my ears, but we gathered up anyway. The unknown lower classman were the ones that never moped around, always ready for each class.

My eyes wondered to Noel. I wondered if it was something else that made her think that way about me, but then I remembered what I said to her, and how I said it.

I felt terrible for the way she straddled me, and I'd completely threw her away. I didn't understand why it had to be like this, why did I have to be so fucking dumb?

Once we were let go for conditioning, I looked for her. Once I found her, I saw that she was already looking at me. My feet carried me, walking me towards her without me even knowing. She turned and shook her head.

"Noel," Her head jerked the other way trying to ignore me. I didn't pay attention to her friend, moving past her and making my way to a situation I should have corrected a day ago.

"What the hell is going on?" I whispered, trying to get her to answer me.

"I don't want to talk to you Harry, just- leave me alone." Her arms were crossed, but she wasn't facing me. One side of her body met with the bleachers, she really wanted me to be gone..

"Noel I- I'm sorry for what I did the other night but I was stressed and had a lot on my mind.." I tried to reason with her. I did completely reject her, after having her body on mine, dammit..

"Fuck, I'm really sorry.. I was stupid for letting my thoughts get in the way of what we might be- could've been." She turned, finally facing me with a curious expression. Her features told me she was partially confused, but wanted to know what I was trying to get at.

"What?" Her eyes were red, like she'd been crying.

"Harry that's not why I-"

"No, really, don't feel bad. I should be the one that feels like shit even though I already do, so I'll just.." I turned, walking away from her. I felt like she'd taken a knife and twisted it, finishing on breaking my heart.

"Hey, mate I know it's hard but you just know that I'm here for ya?" I nodded, letting him pat me on the back. We grabbed our usual weights, working our arms out, soon after moving to the treadmill room.

..Yesterday..

"Oh shit." I slurred, seeing an old fimiliar face.

"What the hell Harry? Is this how you treat yourself these days?" I rubbed my eyes, trying to sober up a little for her. I smiled, pulling her into a hug. My smile faded to a frown. As my tears of joy faded to tears of pain.

"Woah, Harry, are you crying?" I backed away, wiping my eyes like the fool I was. "I've been drinking, you of all people know what happens when I drink." I pointed a finger at her, smirking in her direction.

"You get emotional, and this isn't good for you Harry, you started way too young, stopped last year and now your back at it again?" I shrugged.

"Not exactly, just trying to get over how fucked up I am.." I put my hands in my coat, holding out an arm for her to link onto. "So.." I looked in her direction, not being able to make full contact.

"Harry I came to see you.." I stopped, turning to her in shock. I cleared my throat, realizing that wasn't a brilliant idea.

"Well I would hope so, I mean why else would you be in town?" She tucked strands of hair behind her ear, shaking her head. "Some things never just never change with you Harold.."

"Don't call me that.." I pouted, glaring at her. She giggled, dragging me down the sidewalk. The moment I'd recognized her eyes, I knew she wasn't here just to see me, but to help me.

"I'm guessing my mum emailed you. She still doesn't use her cell phone even though she has a damn iphone." She giggled, shaking her head.

"She did email me Harry, but only because I know your in a tough stage.." She stopped me, looking my in my dazed eyes. "I'm fine, really.."

Her eyes told me differently. She could see through me, something she had a natural talent of.

"Harry why are drinking?" I put my hands in my pockets. The air grew chilly, it didn't seem to bother her. She tilted her head, waiting for me to answer the tough question.

"Because.." I twisted my foot into a circle, looking at the snow disappear.

"Good one Harry, you should be a lawyer someday?" I laughed at her sarcastic joke, she was too funny.

"Harry I'm being serious, why are you drinking tonight?" I looked her in the eyes, trying to stand still. She wanted to know everything about me. I get that she might be some therapist, but I don't need the help.

"We kicked my dad out and I rejected the girl I have loved since freshman year.." I sighed, realizing I spilled too much.

"Wow.." She spoke softly, looking everywhere but me.