Teenage Dirtbag

24

"Noel?" I heard Will's voice as he knocked lightly on the door that labeled 'employees only'.

"I'm fine Will, I'll be out in a minute." He cared too much, one of the things I loved about him. He was a great friend and I cherished every moment with him. He helped me with my clothes, which was a gift I got from him almost everyday.

"Can you let me in then?" I sniffled, getting up from the not so clean floor.

I unlocked the door, sitting on the toilet seat cover. He slowly opened the door, peeking his head through. I had the slightest bit of hope that it would be Harry, coming back to apologize for his mistake.

Will kneeled in front of me, holding my knees and looking up at me. I wiped my tears away, looking down at him.

"Hi Will." He smiled, tilting his head.

"Hi El." I had realized it was Christmas day, and I instantly had a pinch of joy built in me. "It's Christmas?" I smiled, showing my teeth as I looked at the ceiling.

"Was it him?" He asked, but he already knew it was Harry. I nodded, turning my head towards the sink.

"I feel like he just broke up with me.. I know it sounds stupid, but it just hurts." I sniffled again, showing him my cheesy, fake smile.

"Oh no, it's not stupid.. it's nothing but normal." He wiped a tear away from my cheek, making me smile into his hand. "Come on, no guy should ever ruin your mascara, only your lipstick." I laughed, grabbing his hands so he could lift me up. He blew on my face, making the tears dry.

I opened the door, waiting for him to follow after me. Once he did, he shut the light off, letting the door close.

It was warm in here, hence the fireplace, but that was the best place in the whole library. Will handed me my nametag, and gave me a stack of books to laminate.

"I also want you to read. Like as many books as you can, it helps." I giggled, sitting down at a table to laminate the books.

The bell chimed. My head darting to the door to see a familiar face. I stood to my feet, holding the scissors in my hand.

"What are you doing here?"

-Harry-

I'm so stupid. I'm such a dumb ass and I know it too. I wasted every bit of happiness I could have left and threw it in the trash. I could've been happy. I could've been in love.

I let it get the best of me, not being able to go through with shit. It fucked me up, breaking me limb from limb.

"Harry?" Damion peeked from the back, looking at me. It's fucking Christmas and I'm working for another hour.

"What." He blinked, walking slowly out from the back of the room.

"I.. uh Tara wants you to decorate the Christmas cupcakes." He jabbed a finger behind him, looking scared. He better be, cause this is the worst he'll ever see.

"Always want something from me don't you?" I sounded a little louder than I should have, but like I stated, it got the best of me.

"I-I'm sorry, she asked me to tell you.."
"Yeah! I know, god damn.." Tara's figure emerged from the back.

"What is going on here?" I looked at her, seeing her curious expression. "Nothing, I'm just tired okay?" Her hands were on her hips, and she walked up to me, looking me in the eyes.

"What's wrong with you? The Harry I know would never talk to Damion like that.." Her brows are Smush ed tpgether, forming the anger she feels.

"Well maybe I'm tired of being that guy! I'm sick of being so nice to people, caring for them enough to let them go, when all I get in return is a 'I can't believe your doing this' or the back of the person you love most! Even someone you care about and worry about so much to let them back in your life for five minutes, but end up finding out that they have lied to you your entire life!!" I stopped raising my voice once I saw Nelly in the corner, her hand over her mouth.

"I'm just sick of the pain. I'm sick of feeling like this!" I kicked the bucket that was sitting up against the dessert case. My head was growing, I could feel it. It was going to explode, I was going to explode.

"Harry, sit down.." Tara grabbed my shoulders, walking me over to the nearest chair. I held my head in my hands, listening to her tell the other two to excuse us. I watched as she turned the close sign over, visible for the costomers.

I tugged at my hair, looking at the ground. I could feel my humanity fade, the insane side I'd been hiding since I was eight was scratching through, ripping what good was left of me.

"Harry.. What's gotten you so upset? I've never seen you like this unless it was about your dad.." Her hand touched mine, reminding me of the way Noel held my hands. She pulled them gently away just in time before I ripped my hair out of my skelp.

"I can't handle this Tara.. how do people handle this crap!" I whispered to her. She was like the second mother of my life, not that my mum wasn't good at her job, because she's exceptional, but because Tara is there for me even when my mum isn't. I'm grateful for the both of them.

"Is this about your dad? Noel?" I shivered at her name. I loved her enough to let her go, only to keep her safe.

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School was dreadful after Christmas break. Christmas dinner would be chosen over any minute from this day.

I missed seeing the family members that hugged me tight, told me news since the last time I'd seen them.

The halls were the only thing I was worried about, besides gym. She was crawling through me, breaking into every thought that captivated my mind.

We walk into the gym, spotting Noel and her friend right away.

"Niall!" Noel's friend yelled, running over to us. He smiled, walking up to her. She placed her hands on his chest, moving them to his neck. "I had fun this weekend, and I wanted you to know that I'd like to continue whatever this is.." I rolled my eyes, meeting my eyes with Noel's.

She quickly looked away, turning her body the opposite way. Now would be the time to talk to her, try and figure this out. But I just didn't know how..