I'll Make This Feel Like Home (Kellic)

5

It had been 3 days since I went to the Youth center, and 3 days since I have done really anything. I would occasionally go into a local McDonald's and ask for a water, and things like that, but that was really it. Things were getting worse, and I think I knew that. I think I knew that I was slowly losing my god damn mind, but I liked to also pretend that I wasn't.

I was sat in an alleyway, mindlessly tapping my foot to the beat of the song that I was supposed to be writing. It wasn't good. It would never be good.

I remember that I haven't written in a while, so I pulled my notebook from my bag, and opened to the next blank page. This wasn't my book where I wrote lyrics, I had another book for that. This was my book where I would write. Just write. I would write about my day, and how I felt. The entrees where always pretty depression, but for the moment that I'm writing, it makes me feel just a bit better.

I wrote in this book often. I tried to do it everyday, but sometimes I would forget I had already wrote in it, and I would write again. And other days I would think I already wrote, when I hadn't.

December 10th,
Today I feel...depressed.
I know I feel like this often, but I'm more annoyed with it now.
When I was younger, I used to feel like this as well, but I knew it was irrational. There was no reason to be depressed. I had lots of things in my life that were beautiful, Things that made me happy. But now, I feel like I've run out of beautiful things.
I want to finish my song, and I want to show it to Mr. Drew. But after that, I think everything will officially have turned into the taste of sad, and I don't know how I'll be able to live with that, because I fucking hate the taste.

"You still write in that thing?" A voice came from beside me, making me jump. I knew the voice though. It was Jordan.

I closed my book and looked up at him. His eyes were bloodshot, and his face was pale. He had to be on something. He smiled when I looked at him, and took a seat beside me.

"How are you, Kelly Bear?" He asked, and I snickered at the ridiculous name.

"I'm okay." I said, plainly.

He nodded, reaching out to my hand, then playing with a piece of thread that hung off my sweater. I looked at Jordan, questionably. He looked at me too, smiling real big for no reason I could think of.

"You look good today." He said shortly. There was no doubt that he was on something now. I had bags under my eyes, and my hair was getting greasy. Nobody in their right mind would think I looked 'nice'.