The Lonely Wanderer

Stubborn Boys

I looked from Sam to Dean, realizing that they probably wanted to be alone with Cas and Meg.  They probably had news about killing Dick Roman.  I wished they would just ask me...but I knew that they wouldn't.  I had to earn their trust.

I looked at Cas, wondering what had made him change so much.

Meg looked at me and asked, "Why did you change into a human?  Your original body was much better."

I smiled.  "It's not too good for blending in."

Meg nodded in understanding.

Bobby finally broke into the conversation.  "Okay enough jabber.  Meara, what's the deal with those knives?"

I looked down at the knives I still held in my hand.  "They can kill leviathans."

Bobby nodded.  "Can we use them to ice Dick?"

"No."

Dean huffed in anger.  "Why not?"

I gave him a cold stare.  "You're too weak to wield these blades."

Sam looked confused.  "What do you mean?"

Meg answered his question since she understood.  "They aren't meant for humans.  You don't have the energy required to use them."

I nodded.  "They would kill you if you tried.  And besides," I held up the shorter knife, "this one would only come back to me if you took it.  When I place my hand over the blue handprint on the grip, it recognizes me as it's rightful owner."

Sam nodded his head.  "So if we wanted to use those to kill Dick, we would have to take you with us."

I nodded at him and then looked at Dean's reaction.  He seemed very put off by the idea of me coming along with them.

Bobby shook his head.  "We'll figure something else out.  She's not coming."

I laughed.  "And how exactly are you going to stop me?"

Bobby looked at me in surprise.  "I'll find a way...but I'm not having you get killed."

I smiled at him.  "I appreciate your concern Bobby but I am their leader...I should fix this."

Bobby shook his head and I could see he had tears in his eyes.  "And what will it cost?"

I walked over to him and put my hands on his face.  "Possibly my life."

The tears slowly leaked from his eyes.  "Then we'll find some other way."

I shook my head as I wiped his tears away with my thumbs.  "Not in time."  I sighed.  "Look Bobby...I should have never left them alone.  I should have stood by them and fought...not run away.  I was coward then...but I will not chicken out this time.  It's time I stood up for what I think is right...like you guys have been doing all along."

Bobby sighed.  "And if you die?"

I gave him a half-smile.  "I'm ready to die.  I've walked this Earth for far too long...it's time for me to face the punishment that I have waiting for me...in Purgatory.  I'll be fine."  I looked in his eyes and I could hear him think What about me?  "You would hurt for a while Bobby...but you'll have to let me go."

Bobby pulled away from me and left the room.  He was clearly upset by my answer.  But I couldn't help it.  I had told him exactly how I felt about it.  I was tired...and I deserved to die.  All I ever did was hurt people.