Sanity (Peterick)

10

Pete's POV

We didn't say a word till we got to the room. The whole time we were walking down the hallway I was planning out what I wanted to say, and debating whether I should even say it. It's not that I'm ready to tell Patrick how I feel about him, because I'm not. It's my thoughts. They are starting to scare me again.

We got to the room and Patrick sat down. I stayed standing and before I knew it I was pacing. I couldn't help it, I was restless.

None of us knew how to start this conversation. If starting is this difficult, how hard is it gonna be to explain what's on my mind? I don't know.

"What's been bothering you?" Patrick says to break the silence.

I look at the ground for a moment and think.

"I don't think the medicines working, Patrick," my words pass through the gate of my mouth without permission.

"What do you mean?" He said with a concerned look.

"Well I.. I just.. I don't know. I've been on this medication for months now and I still feel the same. Sometimes even worse."

Patrick kept looking at me. He was thinking about what to say. I shouldn't be talking to him about this stuff, I should be talking to Brendon.

"Maybe, we should talk to Brendon..." He said, sounding unsure of his own words. He read my fucking mind.

"But like, I just feel really terrible right now. I keep wanting to hurt myself, and I'm really scared I'll go too far, and.." I trailed off. I'm too worried that if I explain my thoughts of inevibility, he will start to think that way too.

I sit down and rest my chin in my hands. I don't want to keep going, but I push on anyway.

"..what's the point of all of this anyway? I'm just a waste of space. I don't know why this place is wasting they're time on me. I'm incurable."

"No, no, no, dude please don't think that way about yourself. You've made my time here awesome. Without you this place would suck, I mean Andy and Joe and Brendon are all great, but your like the first best friend I've had in my whole life,"

I stare at the ground again. I don't say anything. I know what I should say., but I don't for some reason.

"And recovery? That kind of stuff takes time. More time than we think. Enough time to make it seem endless. But no matter what, we can do it. And I'll be with you the whole way,"

I want to believe him but I can't. How could anyone like me? How could I ever get better.

"T-thank you," I stutter out. He hugged me and his warmth was the best thing I've felt in a long while.

"Now, they're serving ice cream sandwiches in the cafeteria today, I guess as like a nice treat for all the crap these patients have to go through. You want to get one?"

I nod again and Patrick leaves to go get one for me. He's so sweet.

Patrick's POV

I go down to the cafeteria. Everybody at the ward looks happy and sunshiny today. Everyone but Pete. I really do try my best to talk him out of those bad thoughts, but I know that's not all it will take to snap him out of it.

I fetch an ice cream sandwich for Pete and head back to the room.

"You didn't get one for yourself?" He asked me as he unwrapped his neapolitan ice cream sandwich.

"I.. I'm not hungry," I say. That's a lie. I haven't eaten all day and in fact I think ice cream sandwiches are the bomb. But I can't risk gaining any weight. I'm still chubby and I hate it. And ice cream and chocolate will definitely not help at all with that.