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Patrick's POV

I get in the shower and I decide to use my time to think. I drop the subject of what happened at the mall, just so I don't get stressed out.

But then I start to think about what happened at bedtime last night, with Pete and all. I mean, maybe it was just hormones or something. I am eighteen after all, maybe they're still settling down. You know, it could of been completely random.

Oh god, or maybe it was Pete. It might ruin our friendship if I'm sexually attracted to him. No way I'm gonna let that happen. I can't let that happen.

I mean, it's not that Pete's unattractive. I'm not saying that at all. It's just that if I am attracted to him, than it could destroy everything that our friendship has created. I would be alone again.

I get out of the shower and realise there were no towels. Crap, now what.
I knock on the bathroom door from the inside to get Pete's attention.

"Pete? I don't have a towel, can you grab me one?"

"Okay," I hear him say. Thirty seconds later I look at the bottom of the door and Pete's stuffing the fucking towel under the door. I laugh.

"Pete, that's never gonna work,"

"Wait what if I flatten it?"

"Pete,"

"I can do it I swear, you just gotta pull it from your side," I see him pull the towel back out and he lays it out flat and stuffs it back in. I pull it through the door and it actually worked.

"Thanks Pete,"

"No problemo,"

I come out of the bathroom and Pete's got the bag "with a surprise in it" in his hands.

"Patrick, since they don't let us use scissors unsupervised, I'm going to Brendon's office to wrap your Christmas present, don't go in there okay?"

"Oh Pete, you didn't have to get me anything,"

"Yeah I did or I would feel like a shit friend. Anyway, catch you on the flip side," he said and he was already out the door.

Holy smokes, I forgot to get Pete a Christmas gift. What does Pete like anyway? Music, of course, but I want to make sure that I get him something special. I really don't want to go out to the store again, so maybe I could make something. After all it is the thought that counts, right?

I remember passing some sort of craft room on my to my room on my first day here. Maybe I could make something there.

*****
Pete's POV

I think I'm getting worse. I've kept a secret piece of the flower pot that I broke a while back under the sink, and I've been using that lately. I've decided to do it on my thighs now, so no one will see. I'm feeling so under the weather lately that I could be a goddamn thunderstorm. But I never let Patrick know. I need to stay optimistic for him. He needs it. What I need is a new medication.

I've talked to Brendon and he's thinking about another drug called lorazepam. It's got side-effects, yeah, but as much as I keep telling myself that I'm not the desperate type, I know I am, and I need this.

I pick it up at the office and swallow the little blues. Feels good to know I've got another hope.

I still feel like crap, and I know my solution. I'm back in my room now and Patrick's hanging out on his bed, listening to the radio. I walk right past him and head straight for the bathroom. I open the cabinet and see my sharp little friend. I grab it, turn on the sink (just incase of noise) and take a seat on the bathtub's edge.

You know how it goes, the sharp corner moves across my skin at a slow pace, just the way I like it. So bittersweet to me. It feels like my blood holds my pain, and as it leaks out, so does my hurt.

I've been in here for a while now and I don't want 'Trick to get suspicious, so I force myself to stop. I clean up and get out of the bathroom.

I know shouldn't be doing this, but I need this.

Patrick's POV

I haven't eaten in almost two days, this is a new record for me. I don't know if I should be happy or not. Pete told be about the dangers, but it's become addictive now. Not to mention, I've dropped 14 pounds, which is good. But for some reason I still look the same. I don't look like I've lost any weight whatsoever. I still see the same Patrick. Benjamin, Charlie and Emily, they all see it too.

Benjamin keeps telling me to just give up, that I'm always gonna be fat and there's nothing I can do about it. But I can't except that. I just can't.

I'm good at keeping secrets, though. Pete thinks I've been eating, but I've found out how to throw it up afterwards. I know it sounds gross, but it helps me lose weight, you know?

I'm in the cafeteria and Pete's making sure I eat. I already have my plan for when I get back to the room though. I make sure to smile at Pete every once in a while to let him know that I'm enjoying the food. Don't get me wrong, this place does have pretty decent food. I just need to make it look like I'm not going to vomit after I'm done eating.

We're finally done and I'm kind of in a rush to get back. Hopefully Pete doesn't notice. But as soon as we get back, I head straight for the bathroom. I turn on the sink and get ready.

I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I need this.

Pete's POV

Wait a second I know that trick. Why is he running that water for so goddamn long? Oh my god, Patrick.

I pound the bathroom door,

"Patrick?" I hear him cough a little.

"What?" He turned off the water so we could hear each other.

"Patrick, what are you doing in there?"

"I'm just going to the bathroom,"

"Why is the sink running?"
There was no answer.

"Patrick, come out I want to talk to you."

"Um.. Hang on," I hear him flush the toilet, and run the water to, I guess, wash his hands.

The doorknob turned and Patrick came out slowly.

"Patrick, be real with me, what's going on?"

"Pete I'm fine, nothing's wrong, okay?"

"I know your lying, and I'm only trying to drag it out of you because I care about you, please just tell me,"

He thinks about what to say for a little bit.

"I just can't stand to have any food in my stomach. It just makes me feel a million times worse,"

"So you were puking in there?"

"Well, um, yeah," he said, staring anywhere but my eyes. "Please don't me mad at me,"

I sigh, "I'm not mad, 'Trick, I just don't want you to do this to yourself. How long has this been going on?"

"Around a week,"

"Dude, I'm gonna have to let Brendon know about this, for you're own good,"

"No, no, no, please don't tell him. He'll get so mad, I don't want him to be mad at me,"

"Patrick.."

"Please, I'm begging you,"

"...fine, but make me a promise. You won't do this again, alright?"

He was hesitant.
"Okay, I won't do it anymore,"

"Promise?"

"Promise,"

"Good boy, now get you're pillow and blanket, Brendon wants to watch Ferris Bueller's Day Off in his office tonight.

Authors note

Guys please don't hurt yourselves like in this fanfic okay? This is all just entertainment and I want you all to stay safe, alright?

Ily
Xoxo

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