Odes To Ella.

Chapter 1: Beforehand.

It's funny now when I remember who I was, before Ella came along. Looking back, I would have never talked to the person I was before. But then again, the person I am now isn't exactly perfect.
But who is?
I suppose if your going to read my story, you should know my name. So let me introduce myself.
I'm Clair Williams. I am currently 45 years old and serving a fifty year sentence in West Field prison for the murder of Colton Norris.
I know, you must have so many questions. Why? How? When?
Those can be answered all in good time. But for you to fully understand why I did what I did, you have to understand who I am. And more importantly, who I love.
To begin that story, let's travel back in time to 1996. It was spring break during my senior year in high school. My parents never let me go anywhere unless my friends parents knew about it, but that never stopped me.
My best friend at the time, Cathleen Bradshaw, was driving to Kale town up north, about a 4 hour drive to go skiing with some of her sister's college friends. Being the rebel I was, I snuck out at 1:00a.m. to go with her.
If I had known what that weekend would do to my life, I might have never gone...

(March 6th, 1996...:)

"Cathy, how much longer is it-"
"Here!" She exclaimed, pulling up to the mountain. I sat back in my seat and threw my hands above my head.
"Finally!"
"Oh, stop whining. C'mon, let's go meet up with the guys." I smirked and said,
"You better not leave me alone with some random guys to make small talk."
"That happened one time! You gotta stop living in the past, Clair." I rolled my eyes and stepped onto the snowy parking lot. People were mostly scarce or smoking by the building side. I followed Cathy into the log building with my walkman in hand.
"How are you and Sam doing?" I asked, keeping the conversation going.
She scoffed and said,
"I broke up with that looser two days ago. He told me not to wear these high heels and I was like, you can't tell me what to do!"
"Ugh, he doesn't deserve you." I said, smiling. She giggled and walked up to a group of 5 people working on their skis. She smiled at her sister, who I recognized, and then tilted her head. I knew that look, of course. It was her, 'I'm single and ready to mingle,' look. The recipient of this look was a boy with brown hair and hazel colored eyes. He wore a leather jacket and regular jeans. Bad boy. Exactly Cathy's type.
"Hey Todd," she said, biting her lip. The boy smirked to her.
"Hey, Grace's little sister, you look sexy today." Cathy giggled and hit his arm playfully.
"Youre so stupid, sometimes."
"Yeah, but you love it." She smirked back at him. I stood behind her and waited a beat. When she didn't introduce me to anyone, I cleared my throat.
"Eh-hem?"
"Oh, Clair, this is Todd. You know Grace, that girl's Lucy. The boy next to her is Fred, and that one there is Benny."
I walked next to her and smiled at everyone.
"Nice to meet you all."
"You too," they all said back.
I have to admit, I didn't think much of Benny at first. What with his reddish blonde hair and his medium blue eyes, he didn't seem so spectacular. But his role in my life over the next few months were, to say the least, magical.
We all started out to the mountain with our skis and ski masks at the ready. As usual when she had a boy, Cathy ditched me on the ski lift. I got stuck with Benny, who seemed just as tentative to the situation as me. We sat down and stared out to the snow. He was the first to talk.
"So...you go to school with Cathy."
"Yeah. And you go to school with Grace, way to state the obvious." I bit the inside of my cheek. He held his hands up in surrender.
"Sorry, just thought we could talk."
"So talk." I said, looking to him. He shrugged and smiled.
"You like music?"
"Who doesn't?" I asked. He turned up his palms and shrugged.
"Whos your favorite?"
"Band? Red hot Chile Peppers. They got some great music."
"Who are they?" He asked. I looked at him with wide eyes.
"Do you live under a rock?!"
"Uh...no?"
"How can you not know!?!" I asked, baffled. He shook his head and shrugged. I rolled my eyes and pulled out my walkman, handing him the headphones. He slipped them on and I turned on 'Danny California.' He listened, but didn't seem thrilled by it. When the song finished, he shook his head.
"You call that music?!" I felt infuriated.
"I'll bet it's better than anything you have!" My exclamation made him smirk.
"Oh yeah, how much you want to bet?"
"Hmm...if you show me a song and I don't like it, you have to make a snow angel...naked."
"Oooo, and if I win?" He asked, a smile played on his lips. I tilted my head.
"Hmm...what do you want?"
"If I win...you have to kiss me in front of your friends!" My eyes widened.
"What!? But we just met!" I stared. He shrugged and said,
"Well, if you're scared I'll win..." That stopped me.
Clair Williams is never scared!
"No! The bet is on!" I shook his hand. He smirked and sat back, waiting for the lift to stop.
We skied for two hours before everyone wanted to go back to the ski lodge to warm up. I followed behind Cathy and Todd, who were now heading to a distant corner of the lodge. I had completely forgotten the bet until Benny tapped my shoulder. I spun around to meet his smirking face.
"Ready to lose, Clair?" His eyes had a glimmer of evil behind them. I couldn't help but smirk back.
"I'm afraid you have it backwards, Benny." He rolled his eyes and gave me his walkman. I settled back and listened as a guitar started playing hardcore in the background. A man started singing,
'I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known-'
As the song played out, my heart began to sink.
Oh crap...this is really good music.
By the time the song was finished, I was biting my bottom lip. Benny smirked back and said,
"So, fair is fair?" I sighed and crossed my arms.
"Fine, you win. Pucker up."
"Ah ah ah, I believe we said, 'in front of your friends?'" I squinted at him.
Butthole.
"Ugh, fine!" We both got up and walked out to where Cathy was. She was sitting on the couch, talking to Todd. I felt my stomach churning. Benny turned to me and looked down at me. We stood next to a frosted over window.
I stared back and shrugged.
"What-" but he set a hand on my cheek. I felt all my air rush out of me. His eyes seemed suddenly mezmorizing, and I couldn't look away. Like he put a spell on me.
What is happening?
He smiled and said,
"You're really pretty." He smiled gently to me. I opened my mouth but couldn't say anything. I felt myself wanting to be closer to him.
He slowly wrapped a hand around my waist. I set my hands on his chest and moved slightly closer. He closed his eyes and leaned down slightly. Our lips were only inches apart.
I leaned in a little, but he pulled back slightly and whispered,
"Maybe next time, Clair." My eyes sprung open. Benny smirked back at me, and let go of my waist and cheek. Instantly, I wanted his warmth. He turned around and walked off with his friends.
As we rode home three days later, I still couldn't get Benny out of my mind.
That jerk. Why didn't he kiss you? He said next time,right? Why didn't he kiss me? Am I ugly?
"Todd says he'll come visit me next Friday," Cathy chatted on. I barely heard her through my thoughts.

(Two days later...still 1996.:)

"Is your homework done!?" My mother scolded. I couldn't hear through my green day music and thoughts of Benny. She pulled the headphones from my head.
"Excuse me!?"
"What?!" I asked, annoyed. She clenched her jaw and said,
"Is your homework finished?"
"No..."
"Then what are you doing here!? Up the stairs, young lady!" She pointed to our stairway. I sighed and walked to my room, slamming the door.
Why should I do the homework!?!"
But despite my teenage thinking, I understood the importance of education. I had just begun work on my biology homework when an object hit my window. I jumped, then waited another second.
A small pebble hit my window three seconds later. I frowned, but got up and opened my window just in time for a third pebble to land smack dab in the middle of my eye. I fell back as my hand fled to my eye.
"Ouch!"
"Shit! I'm sorry!" I heard a slightly familiar voice call. My heart stopped and I sat up.
Could it be?
I quickly got up and looked down to see Benny standing next to my house. He was dressed in a blue t-shirt and black jeans. I smiled and said,
"I'm ok."
"I'm so sorry, Clair!"
"It's cool. Get up here quick before my parents see you!" He obeyed and climbed up the vines to my window. After he reached the top, he climbed in and I shut the window. Once it was shut, I turned around and leaned against it.
"What are you doing here?" He ignored my question and smiled down at my new pile of CD's.
"So, looks like your taste in music has improved."
"Oh, shut up." I said, bringing the pile to my dresser. I set it next to my Wuffle bear. My grandfather had givin it to me when I was 6. I've had it ever since. Benny walked up to the bear and picked it up.
"Why do you still have this old thing?"
"Hey! Put it back!" I said, lunging towards it. He smirked and pulled it away from me.
"Why should I?"
"Give it back!"
"Ha, too slow!" He exclaimed, pulling higher every time I went for it. My chest swelled with frustration, and I stopped, a tear coming to my eye.
"Stop it!" I said, my voice cracking. His smile wiped away, and he stared back with a sorry look on his face. He said quietly,
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." He handed me the bear. I pulled it away and stroked the spot behind his ear like I always did. I set it gently on the dresser. He stared quietly. I hugged myself and sniffled. He said quietly,
"I was just fooling-"
"Well, you shouldn't have." I replied bluntly. He bit his lip, then said,
"Whats so special about it?"
"My grandpa gave it to me before he died. It's all I have left of him." I replied, turning to him. Before he could say anything, a loud knock came to my door. Benny and I stared at each other. I looked around.
"Quick! Hide in the closet!" I shoved him in and quickly opened the door. My younger brother, Kyle, was standing in the doorway.
"I-I heard s-some shouting." He said, gripping his Legos firmly in hand. I shook my head.
"No, you didn't. I'm fine."
"I-ok. Ill be in my room if you need me." And he stomped away. Not intentionally, of course. Kyle had Asbergers, which made him do things that weren't always socially exceptable. But hey, what are special ed classes for?
He gets annoying, but I'd do absolutely anything for him.
I shut the door and leaned against it, breathing heavily. I opened the closet and said,
"Again I'll ask, why are you here?" He stepped out and smiled.
"Well, I figured that you've been craving that kiss." He smiled. I rolled my eyes.
"You wish."
"My wish or your wish, you owe me one." His smile was beginning to grow on me. I chewed on my cheek and shrugged.
"Fine, then. Let's get it over with."
"No, not yet." He said. I stared back at him.
"Why not?!" My voice was much more pleading than I had anticipated. He noticed and smiled. He stepped forward, closing space between us. I felt the sudden desire, again. Desire to hug him. To kiss him. To shred every bit of clothing he owns.
He set both hands on my cheeks and leaned forward, so the only place to look was directly into his eyes.
He whispered while stroking my cheeks with his thumbs,
"Because I want to see you again. I want to get to know you, and I want you to want to kiss me." And with that, he walked over to the window and said,
"Till next time." And he was gone.

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Hello! This is my 4th book on wattpad, and I hope you will enjoy it. Please comment on anything, and enjoy the next chapter! Bye! :D.