Odes To Ella.

chapter 4: Pregnant days, part 1.

I named this chapter "pregnant days" because that's how it feels now when I look back to those eight and a half months. They seem to have lasted only days now. But that wasn't the case for the first few months...

(Two days after the fight...:)

"Mom, I really can't tell you over the phone, it has to be in person," I explained for the zillionth time. Mom seemed concerned.
"What is it about, honey? Do you need rent money? Food? Gas?" She urged on. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.
"No, mom. Look, just wait until I get there, k?"
"Alright, sweetie. I'll see you later "
"Bye." I hung the phone up and took a small breath. The apartment was silent. For a moment, I gazed at the door, willing Benny to walk through it like in one of those overly melodramatic tv shows and tell me everything was going to be ok.
But after a little while, I figured that standing there wasn't getting me any closer to my parents house.
Better get going.
I looked around one last time and walked out to my car.
As I drove down the road, I ran several scenarios through my head on how I could tell them, but they all blurred together. I had never told my parents about Benny, and they assumed that I would save myself for marriage.
Boy, that sure backfired, huh?
I gripped the steering wheel and turned down the street I had grown up on since I was 7 years old. The familiar basketball hoop swayed slowly in the breeze. I pictured a scene in my mind when my older brother, Matt, was a little boy. My father would take at least half an hour everyday to practice playing basketball with Matt. Sometimes they would play well into the night, and would only stop when mom called them inside.
My smile faded now as I watched the grey sky against my parents white house. The basketball hoop swayed in the wind, summoning the old memories back.
I shook my head and parked in the driveway behind my mom's car. I laid my head back and closed my eyes.
Just breathe. You can do this.
I knew that once I told them, there was no going back. I would be forced to have the baby. But I had thought long and hard about it, weighing my options, and decided that that's what was right for me.
Before I could even reach the door, Kyle had opened the front door and was waving frantically at me.
"Clair!"
"Hi, Kyle." I smiled at him. He tilted his head with a frown.
"I didn't know you were coming today?"
"Yeah, it was a surprise." I walked up to the door. He put a hand on the other side of the door frame and said,
"Whats the password?"
"Oompa loompas." I smiled. He nodded his head vigorously and stepped aside. I walked down the hall to the kitchen and found my mother reading an issue of 'Best home and Gardens.' When I entered the room, she smiled and turned to the open patio door.
"Allen! Clair's here!"
"K, be in in a minute!" My dad called back. My mother turned to me and spread out her arms.
"How's my baby girl!?!" She walked to me and wrapped her hands tightly around me. I smiled and melted into her arms.
Her hugs, no matter my stage in life, had always made me feel welcome. They seemed to make me laugh when I needed one, made me smile when there was no reason to, and made the tears stop when it never seemed like they would. They seemed to whisper in my ear like a comforting angel,
It's ok. Don't worry. It's all going to be ok.
I took a deep breath and pulled away, staring into my mother's eyes. She smiled back and ushered me to a seat at the island in the kitchen.
"Sit! Would you like some coffee? Or some orange juice?" She offered. I shook my head and leaned on the counter in front of me.
"I'm fine, mom. Really." My dad walked in the room with his tool belt around his waist. He adjusted it slightly and waved a big hand at me.
"Hey, there she is!" He kissed the top of my head and said,
"How are you, Clair?"
"Good."
"Your mother says you have something to tell us?" He said, leaning against the counter behind my mom. She turned to me quickly and nodded.
"Yes, please tell us! The suspense is killing me!" She exclaimed.
I think the answer will kill you more...
I bit my lip and looked over to Kyle.
"Kyle, would you please leave us alone?"
"Why?" He questioned with a frown. I looked to my parents, then back to him and said,
"Please?" He stared at me for an extra moment, then shrugged and stomped up the stairs to him room. I watched until I couldn't see his sneakers, then I turned back to my parents expectant faces.
Let them down gently.
"Mom, dad, what I'm going to say isn't...it isn't easy..."
"Whats wrong!? Tell us what happened, sweetheart." My mother took my hands in hers. And we made eye contact.
I think my eyes spoke, and she knew before the words left my mouth.
"I'm pregnant, mom and dad." I said it loud enough for them to hear. The kitchen went completely and utterly silent. But beyond the silence, the whole room filled with disappointment. I had never felt as ashamed as I did that day.
My mother stared at me, her face raw with confusion. My father's was full of anger and sadness. He spoke up,
"What!?! Who's the father!?!" He shouted loudly. My mother jumped. I shook my head and hugged myself.
"It doesn't matter, he's already graduated."
"Well so what!?!" He said, flinging his hands in the air.
"I don't know where he is." I stated. My dad paced the room.
"You were supposed to save yourself for marriage! What happened to that plan!?!"
"I don't-"
"And what about your college!? What will they say!?!
"Allen, enough!" My mother shouted, taking a step in front of me. He frowned and said,
"What!?"
"Cant you see she's already scared? What good is it to yell at her!?" My mother's sudden defensive tone shocked me. Again, the room was bathed in silence.
After a minute, she turned to me.
"Ok, Clair, I want you to tell us everything. Beginning to end. I promise we won't be mad, just tell us, please." She took my hands in hers and waited. I swallowed and nodded.
"Ok..." I told them everything from the beginning. About how I met him at the ski resort and the bedroom talks and our secret relationship.
They listened without question until I finished. When I did, they both shook their heads. Dad was the first to speak,
"So you can't call Benny or go to his house-"
"I tried calling, but he deleted my number." I said softly. My mother renewed a smile for me and said,
"I just want you to know that we love you, sweetheart. And we will support you no matter what you choose to do." She then tightened her grip on my hands.
"But you have to promise us something." She waited a moment. The sun reflected off her light blonde hair and created a weird glow about her. I nodded.
"Yes?"
"You can't drop out of college. Not just for us or for you...but for your child. You need to be able to support it through the years, because your father and I won't be around forever. Can you promise us that?" She waited a minute.
"Yes, mom. I can."
"One other thing..." My dad said. We both looked up to him.
"Yes dad?" I asked. He looked to both of us, took a deep breath, and said,
"You stay here until the baby comes. Then we'll help you make the down payment on a house, you'll have plenty of time to find one that way. Deal?" He finished. I smiled and walked over to him. His face seemed older now, more wrinkled. I wrapped my arms around him and nodded.
"Deal." He hugged me tightly and then set his head on mine.
"Call your landlord and let us know when you're ready to move, ok?"
"K." I pulled away. He smiled down to me and went back outside. Mom smiled and said,
"So...are you hungry?"
"No. I'm going to call Matt. I'm sure he'd like to know." She nodded and walked to the living room. I sighed and dialed Matt's cell phone. Matt lived in Austin, Texas with his wife, Kate and two kids named Riley and Isabel. He moved there after he blew his knee in a game and needed to get away from it all.
He had met Kate at a bar and married her two short years later. He was currently driving semi trucks for a fruit company.
The phone rang twice before I heard his deep voice say,
"Howdy!" His mock accent made me roll my eyes.
"You aren't from the south, you know."
"Yeah, I know. But it sure is fun talking like I am." I could almost hear his smile.
"So, how are you?" A short pause followed. Then he spoke up.
"Uh-oh."
"What?" I asked.
"You never ask how I am. This must be really bad." He joked. I frowned and said,
"Thats not true! I've asked you that question before."
"Uh huh. Whatever you say, Clair."
"I'm serious!"
"Whatever you say!" He repeated, laughing. I smiled at his stupidity. Finally, I cleared my throat and asked,
"Are you driving right now?"
"No. I just got back from a trip to Nashville. Anyways, what's up?" He asked in his casual way.
I took a deep breath and started.
"Well, this is going to shock you..."
"Wait, don't tell me; you're pregnant?!" He started laughing from his end. I paused and waited a few beats. Then I said,
"Yeah. I am." That made his laughing die out quickly. Then he said,
"Wait...you what?"
"I'm pregnant, Matt." I stated. He stopped for a few moments. Then he whispered,
"Jesus Christ, Clair!"
"I know-"
"What were you thinking!? You're going to college, for chrissakes!"
"I know, Matt. I just thought you might want to know." Another long pause. Then, he spoke up,
"I'm coming up there "
"What? No Matt-"
"No, Clair. I'm coming up there and-"
"And what, Matt? The dad's gone." That stopped him. He then spoke up with fury in his voice.
"What!?"
"He left when he found out."
"That spineless bastard! I'm going to kill him-"
"No Matt, stay home and spend some time with your family."
"But Clair-"
"Tell Kate and the kids I said hi." I hung the phone. I suddenly felt very light headed and my stomach seized up. I covered my mouth and sprinted to the down stairs bathroom. I leaned over the toilet and start to throw up. My mom ran into the room, saw me puking, and held my hair out of my face.
When I was done, I sat by the toilet and held my head in my hands. My mom patted my shoulder and went to the medicine cabinet. She pulled out a bottle of aspirin and handed me two pills. I dry swallowed them and stood up.
"I'm going to take a nap."
"Ok, sweetie." She said softly. I smiled at her and walked up the stairs to my old room. It was mostly barren now except for the bed. I went to my closet and took out a blanket and pillow. But as I pulled it out, a stack of CD's fell all over the carpet. I picked one up and looked at the cover.
Green day!
I stroked my thumb over the cover and thought of Benny. Then, I threw the CD to the ground and crawled into bed, lifting the covers over myself.

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Hope you liked it and please enjoy the next one, bye! :P.