Odes To Ella.

chapter 7: The baby's coming!

Month 8.5

I closed my eyes and took a long, deep breath. The smell of paint filled my nostrils and lingered for a few seconds before I pushed the air from my lungs and opened my eyes.
Outside, the who back yard was full of fall swept trees that had leaves of all colors scattered around the ground. My brother's and my father were working on raking them up while my mom and I began to paint the room that was my soon-to-be nursery.
Mom dipped the roller into a pan of light yellow paint.
"This should really lighten up the room, it's a lot better than that aweful grey color, don't you think?" She asked, turning to me. I nodded and took a bite of my doughnut while dipping my brush into some more paint.
"It'll look great with the crib set." I agreed. We both started brushing the walls up and down with the paint. The once grey walls fadded into the new yellow ones. It was only 12:07 in the afternoon, but the sun was shining bright and creating a wonderful illumination on the paint. Mom wiped her for head with the back of her hand.
"It's hot in here, would you open the window for a few minutes, sweetheart?"
"Sure," I set my brush down and started to the window. I could see Matt and dad talking while Kyle and Riley played with the hose my parents had bought for me.
I set my hands on the window, when all of a sudden, a wave swept over me.
I heard rather than felt something splash onto the wooden floor, and my whole bottom half suddenly seized up in pain. It felt like I was having horrible period cramps. I clenched my sides and took in a sharp breath.
What is happening?
Mom came over and set a hand gently onto my shoulder.
"Honey, are you ok?"
"Whats going on in here, I heard a splash?" Kate entered the room with Isabel standing behind her. I took a deep breath and felt that my sweatpants were wet.
Oh my god...it's happening!
"I think...I-I think my water just broke!" I exclaimed while taking in another breath, this one out of excitement.
Mom and Kate looked at each other with wide eyes. Mom told her,
"I'm taking her to the hospital, let the boys know."
"Ok," Kate ushered Isabel out of the room while mom drug me with her to the front door.
"Ok, sweetie, just breathe, it's going to be ok, just breathe." I walked with her to the car and strapped in.
"Mom, I can't believe this is happening!"
"I know, me neither." She said, starting the car engine and taking off. I laid my head back and breathed as the second contraction hit me, bringing another wave of pain.
"How long until we get to the hospital?" I asked through a clenched jaw. Mom took a sharp turn and assured me,
"Only another few blocks, sweetheart. Just breathe." She turned back to the road.
I set both hands on my tummy and did my best not to move the muscles in my legs. Another surge of pain smacked me just as we pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.
Mom hopped out and went to my door. After it was pulled aside, she reached down and helped me get out of the car. Her grip was surprisingly strong as she held onto my arm to keep me from falling.
I clenched my teeth shut tightly as mom shouted loudly,
"We need a doctor! My daughter's in labor!"
A woman ran down the hallway with a wheel chair and mom set me gently onto it. The woman started pushing away. I looked around frantically and shook my head at mom.
"W-where are they-"
"Don't worry, Clair. I'll be right with you in a moment," the nurse wheeled me away to another hallway and brought us to an elevator.
Another wave of pain came, this one more intense than the last one. I flung my head back and cried.
"I need some medicine!"
"We'll have you hooked up momentarily," the nurse replied. After the elevator doors opened, she wheeled me into a little room that had three nurses waiting for me.
"This is Clair?"
"Yes." The woman who pushed me said. A woman in pink scrubs nodded and took my hand.
"Alright, Clair, I need you to get on the bed, ok?" I nodded, took a deep breath. Another nurse grabbed my other arm and they hoisted me up onto this weird bed. As I was lowered onto the bed, another wave hit me.
The pain was unlike anything I had ever experienced.
It felt like someone drove a screwdriver directly into my ovaries. I couldn't feel my legs for a brief moment, but then I screamed out in pain.
"Morphine! She needs morphine!" The nurses were shouting. One nurse held my arm while another slipped an IV into my arm. I felt a cold surge of fluids enter my body.
A doctor in all white came in, followed by my mother, father, brothers, Kate, and Effey.
The second I saw Effey, she ran over and took my hands in hers.
"Hey, how you doing?"
"It hurts!" I said, clenching my jaw as another contraction hit. The doctor turned to my mom.
"How far apart are the contractions?"
"About 10 minutes." She said, staring with wide eyes at me. He nodded and turned to me.
"Strap her legs down, let's get started." The nurses followed his directions and pulled my legs aside, straping them down. I gripped Effey's hand tighter and took deep breaths. The doctor leaned down and said,
"Ok, Clair, I need you to focus and push, ok?" I nodded and waited for the next contraction to pass. Then, gave a big push.
It felt like I was being slowly torn in two. My eyes widened with new pain. Suddenly, Effey jolted forward and looked back at me with wide eyes.
"I-I think my water broke!" I stared back and nodded. A nurse took her by the arm and said,
"Come this way, honey, we'll get you taken care of." Effey nodded and waved to me.
"Good luck, Clair."
"You too," I grunted through the pain. Yet another contraction hit.
The contractions and pain didn't start to subside until about 12 hours had passed. By then, I was beginning to feel light headed and tired. The pain was almost familiar to me. The doctors continued on,
"Come on, Clair, you've got to push."
"I don't...I can't..."
"You're almost through, come on."
"I'm so tired-"
"Look!" My dad called out. Everyone looked at me.
Oh Jesus...
Although the fact that everyone close to me was looking directly at my private regions was embarrassing to say the least, my shame subsided when the doctor called out to the nurses,
"The head! It's peaking!" My entire world felt like it was fading. Not crumbling. Not failing, not dying. Fading. Fading into something new, something unknown. Something truly spectacular.
The sudden feeling gave me motivation to push.
For the past 8.5 months, I had been asking myself these questions;
What will the baby look like? Will it be a boy or a girl? Will it have my light blue eyes or his deep, hypnotic ones? Will the baby like school like I did? Will it have his brains or my ambition?
Now, I realized, is when my questions will be determined.
My questions will be answered.
I pushed with everything left in me, willing the baby to appear. I pushed blindly, forgetting the pain, drivin by the will to see the baby in the real world.
To see my baby for the first time.
I gave one last mighty push before I felt a weird slip. Suddenly, the pain subside greatly. My insides felt like they had room to breathe.
My heart picked up when I heard a sharp slap, then the doctor called out,
"It's a girl!"
My eyes softened and my heart swelled with pride when I heard the smallest, most beautiful crying my ears ever heard.
I took one breath before I lifted my head.
I don't remember the look of pure joy on my mother's face as she saw her new grandchild. I don't remember my father's awed expression, or my little brother Kyle's look of confusion. All their faces just blended into the background of the baby green walls behind them as my eyes settled on a table across the room that the nurses stood at.
They used towels to clean her off, moving every now and then so I got small glimpses of her. Her cries echoed in my head, but didn't really register. I just stared.
One nurse wrapped her up in a white towel, then turned and started moving towards me. She reached the bed and leaned down.
"Congratulations." She set the towel containing my daughter in my arms. I propped up my elbow to cradle her head in the crook of it.
Her crying subsided when she leaned her tiny head against my left breast. She seemed to understand the heartbeat of the body she just came from. She seemed to understand who I was.
I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so small, so tiny and helpless. Her skin was a light shade of pink. Her fingers curled inwards like little worms. Her nose was red on the tip and reminded me of Santa.
She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I smiled and set a hand gently on her tiny chest. Her little lungs filled with air and moved up against her chest. I smiled and leaned down to her.
"It's me. I'm here, and I'll love you until the day that I die." She made a slight squeaking sound as I lightly kissed her forehead.
A nurse came to me with a clipboard board.
"She's 7 pounds, 3 ounces. What would you like to name her?" I stared back at her. I remembered the name that Effey had told me before. Without looking away from her little sleeping body, I whispered,
"Ella. Her name is Ella."
"Ok," the nurse jotted it down and walked away, leaving me alone with my family and one other nurse. The woman walked up and said,
"We need to bring the baby with us to the nursery." As she walked towards me, I felt suddenly defensive. I wanted to hold her and protect her. I mean, who better to do that than her mother?
The nurse smiled and stated,
"It's only for a little while, you'll get to hold her again soon." I stared for a few extra moments before I nodded and gave Ella to the nurse.
The sudden movement jolted her, and she began to whimper. I instantly missed her warmth, even though I had only held her for a few minutes.
"Watch her head!" I commanded at the nurse. The woman nodded and set Ella gently into an incubator. She wheeled her out of the room.
I watched the door for a few extra moments, then I turned to my family. They all smiled at me.
My mom came and sat at the edge of my bed, wrapping me in a tight hug.
"I love you so much." I nodded.
Even though I had heard her say it a billion times before, it suddenly had a new meaning. A more defined meaning.
I remember a poem from somewhere in high school. I don't remember the author, but the poem struck me in an odd way.

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always.
As long as I am alive,
My baby you'll be.

It's funny how life cycles around in ways you would never expect it to. In the few moments following Ella's birth, I began to realize another new-found fact; she wasn't a mistake.
Was I planning to have her?
No.
Did I expect a baby so soon?
No.
Was she a mistake?
Not in the slightest. I knew, even then, that I would never see her as a mistake, but instead as a blessing.
My blessing.
Raising her would be a privilege, not a right. And I sure as hell wasn't going to abuse that privilege.

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I hope you liked it, enjoy the next one, bye! C:.