Angel- A Demi Lovato Fanfiction

5

Demi

Wilmer doesn't believe me when I say I'm fine anymore. He caught with a bottle of vodka and we had a huge blowout fight. It seems like all we do is fight these days. I know it's my fault, I know exactly which buttons to push and I do it because I want him to be mad at me. I to feel terrible because it's my fault Izzy is dead. It's my fault that she killed herself. It's my fault that she felt like her life wasn't worth living. I've relapsed twice, and each time made me feel worse than the last. The twins are five now, and they're growing so fast Wilmer and I can barely keep up. Of course, neither of us word dare breath a word of divorce. It wasn't there yet. We still love each other, and had our moments, but it was hard.

Today though, we won't fight. Today we have to smile and be parents and be civil and nice in front of our five year olds and their friends and other parents. Today we have to be happily married. As I watched Wilmer sleeping next to me, I couldn't help but smile at how innocent he looked. I lifted my hand and gently stroked his jawline, smiling as he wrinkled his nose and opened one eye.

"Good morning." I whispered, watching him closely.

"Good morning." He said back, smiling slightly.

"I don't want to fight." I murmured, "Not today."

"What do you want me to do?"

I took a deep breath and cupped his cheeks, smiling as I leaned in to kiss him, "I want you to love me."

He chuckled and rubbed my back, "I can do that."

~*~

"So how are you and Wilmer doing?" I looked up from the salad I was making to see my mom, smiling at me.

"Good. We're doing really good."

She lifted one eyebrow, "You think we don't know you anymore. You forget that over the span of your entire life, I learned to know what you're lying, telling the truth, or even fudging the truth."

I put down the tongs, "What do you want me to say? That we fight nearly every night? That we haven't had sex in weeks? That we do to sleep with our backs to each other and wake up that way too? We've never done that. Even when we're pissed at each other we wake up in each other's arms." I sighed and began mixing the lettuce again, "It's like we're not even us anymore and it sucks because we were doing so great and I just ruined it."

"You didn't ruin anything Demi. Marriage is hard enough without adding twins to the mix along with the death of a child. It's not your fault."

I rolled my eyes, "All of this is my fault and I wish all of you would quit telling me it's not. Izzy is dead because of me. My marriage is crumbling around me because of me. You know why Wilmer and I fight? Why I push the right buttons to get him screaming at me? Because I deserve it. I deserve him screaming in my face, not telling me he loves me. I deserve for him to hate me because I took his daughter away from him. I deserve for my kids to hate me because I took away the sibling they will never know. I took away the joy of this day. I'm the reason Wilmer and I walk into the woods and talk to our dead daughter every single day. I deserve all the pain and suffering this world can give me."

My mom opened her mouth, but a different voice sounded, "Dianna can you give us a minute?"

Slowly, I turned around and saw Wilmer there, standing there with a determined expression. My mom looked from him to me, then nodded, "I'll go bring the salad out."

Once she shut the door Wilmer looked down at his hands, turning his wedding ring in circles, "Is that how you feel? How you really feel?"

I looked down, "Wil-"