Angel- A Demi Lovato Fanfiction

6

Demi

Wilmer and I are better, or at least trying to be. As the twins get older they notice when we're fighting more, so it's more of an effort to keep out feelings concealed. We fight like normal married couples, but we still have those blowout fights when neither of us can take the tension anymore. Then we make up and talk about it and wait for the cycle to start over again. It's exhausting, but I'd rather fight every couple of months as opposed to talking about Izzy every single day. Talking about her makes me want to cry, laugh, and slit my wrists all at the same time. I know she's in a better place, and I know she's happier, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

~*~

"MOM!"

"IZZY!" My scream for her ripped through my vocal chords, rising several octaves.

"MOM!"

I finally reached her and grabbed her into my arms, "My baby, I've got you! I have you, it's all gonna be okay Izzy. Momma has you."

She went limp in my arms and I screamed out, falling to the group with her. Izzy's wrists were slashed and gushing blood.

"NO!" I screamed, "NO! IZZY YOU STAY WITH ME!" Her eyes began to slide closed, "IZZY!"

"DEMI!"

My eyes flew open with a strangled gasp and I sat up straight in bed, sucking in air as tears streamed down my face. Wilmer sat up next to me and put a firm hand on my back.

"Breathe."

I took shuddering breaths, but still felt the panic attack coming on so I let myself succumb to it, my entire body beginning to shake as I sobbed.

"Demi!" Wilmer pulled me into his chest, "You've gotta breathe baby. Please. Just take a breath with me, okay? Slow it down and tune everything else out. It's just you and me."

I pushed my face into his chest and laid my ear against it, right over his heart where I could feel it beating; strong and steady. Wilmer's hand took mine and moved it up my shirt and resting both of them above my own heart, letting me relax and slow my heart rate to match his. After a few minutes, I moved my hands to curl into myself, letting Wilmer wrap me up in his arms. We stayed like that for a long time, neither of loosening our hold at all until Wilmer kissed my forehead and rubbed my back.

"Another nightmare? Maybe it's time to talk to someone."

I shook my head, "I don't need anyone. I have you."

"Well clearly that tactic isn't working. Hermosa, I don't want to keep seeing you in pain."

I clenched my jaw, "No psychologist in the world could stop me from being in pain."

"Still, just to talk to someone nena, someone who you can be completely honest with, because I know you're not completely honest with me. I understand that, because you need things to hold onto within yourself, but holding onto the memory of your daughter so tightly that it stops you from living, isn't just some hobby no one knows about, it's an unhealthy obsession."

I shoved away from him and rolled on my side, "I don't want to talk to some stranger about my feelings. I don't even know where to begin. I'm done with conversation."

"Demi..." Wilmer said slowly, "If you don't start trying to get better, and I mean really try, I won't have a choice."

I whipped around, "What the fuck are you saying Wilmer."

He clenched his jaw, speaking slowly, "If you don't stop having these nightmares, and keep refusing to even mention Izzy's name, I'll have to play my hand, the one card I have left that I really don't want to do. I'll commit you Demi."