Saving Grace

Now It's My Turn

Chapter Twenty Four

Jay

Imagining Cali with a child was impossible. But I had no doubts she would have been a great mother. She was so caring, compassionate, funny, perfect.

Maybe we would have kids one day and they could grow up here on farm. And one day they would bring their girlfriend or boyfriend up here on the roof and look at the stars.

Wait; I'm thinking about kids? With Cali?

I just told her I love her. I was not thinking about the future. I mean, I could see myself marrying in the future. And then having kids. But I'm twenty one. Not thirty.

"Earlier, you said you put up a front, what does that mean?" I asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

"It means, I did not let people get close to me or see me as the person I truly was until I was sure I could trust them. I put up that front for the rest of high school and at all the places I stopped. Before I got here, I just wore a smile all the time and acted like everything was perfect. If I didn't have that front, people would see I was weak, they would take advantage and my life would just spiral down until I was done. But when I got here, Preston was that person who got the front to come down. I could trust him. I could let him see me cry and I could tell him about my mom."

God. If it were possible, I would go back in time and fix all the places where Cali's life was thrown off the tracks. I would make sure she wasn't hurt, she was loved like she deserved to be and she never met the assholes who ruined her life. Even if that meant she never met me, I would be okay knowing she wouldn't be hurting this bad. See? I was serious when I said I wanted to take away the pain.

"Okay. I think I've earned the chance to ask some questions. What about your life? Before you came here. What are your parents like?" She asked, changing the topic.

Well, that was a question I was not expecting. But she was right. She deserved to know who I was and where I come from.

"I was born and raised in Atlanta. My family was the normal family. Just me and Preston and my happily married parents. We would visit here all the time and my cousins were like siblings. But then my grandpa and dad had that fight. I still have no idea what it was about but it messed up our relationship forever. After my dad stopped us coming here, I began to resent him. He was just not a good dad. Always absorbed in his law practice and he never had time to raise us. I was raised by my mom and grandma."

Here come the tears. I swear, ever since I've met Cali, I've been crying more and more. She brings out the emotions I've been hiding for so long.

"When Preston got in trouble, my dad basically said he could go but the family was abandoning him. Preston would not be welcomed back after he left. That night when Pres left was the first time I realized I hated my dad. I mean, how could you do or say that to your own kid? So, I got older and grew up without my little brother. My dad got more and more strict. He controlled my life and when he realized we weren't on the same page in terms of my future, it got real bad. We got into a really heated argument and it almost turned physical. But it didn't."

I was getting angry just thinking about my dad. That man, like Cali's mom, would never have a part in my life. He messed up too much to be in my future. I would never go back.

"On Preston's sixteenth birthday, he wanted to come home. He showed up at the door and my dad slammed it in his face. I wasn't able to see him because my mom kept me away from my dad. Probably for my own good. But after Preston left, we got into an argument and I took a swing at my dad. He ducked and I got one back, right in the eye. I was eighteen so it wasn't abuse, but since I was an adult, I hit him back. Right to his jaw. I moved out the next day and got an apartment. I graduated high school and tried college, but it didn't work out. That's when I started partying. I was a major player and was getting drunk every night. My mom tried to step in but my dad eventually cut off all communication. I didn't care though. He was out of my life for good. Never to be welcomed back in."