Saving Grace

Yeah, How About No?

Chapter Twenty Eight

Cali

"Shhh, sweetheart, it's okay," Jay whispered, trying to make me feel better.

It wasn't helping.

I never got why people always said that to you. How did they know? They couldn't predict the future. And if I'm crying because of my messed up life, how is that okay? The answer is, it isn't. Nothing about my life will ever be okay. So people needed to stop telling me that because it was all a lie.

"No. Stop telling me that because it isn't. It never will be," I whispered as I tried to push his chest and hide the hurt in my voice. It didn't work and he stayed where he was planted to the ground. And I knew he hear the hurt. But at least there wasn't anymore pain. Never again would there be pain. I felt no more pain for the three people who showed up today. And never again would I cry because of them. They didn't deserve to be on my mind. They didn't deserve my tears.

Jay didn't say anything else. He wrapped his arms around my body and we stood there. For who knows how long.

I'm not going to say it was perfect. It was far from it. I don't even know why he was hugging me. I just blew up at him and I was wrong about it all.

He didn't call them. It wasn't his fault. Well it was, but it was because of Facebook. How could I have been so stupid? Ugh. Now I even hate myself.

"I'm so messed up. It's okay. You can walk away now."

He needed to go now. I didn't care if he wanted to help me with the pain. There was no more. And I almost felt like that was the only reason he loved me. He felt like I needed to be fixed. I was broken and hurting and I needed someone to put my heart back together. Well, now I had nothing more to mend so he could go. He wouldn't love me anymore and it would be pointless to stay here. Just more people to move on from.

I was used to it.

"And why would I do that?" He rested his chin on my head and for some reason, I knew he was smiling. The easiest of things were making me angry and right now, that seriously pissed me off.

"I swear to god, if you're smiling, I will knee you in the groin."

The smile was gone now. But Jay wasn't. I could feel it coming. "I want someone with less issues. See ya."

That's how my life would go. I'm just a wreck with an annoying, tough personality. I would probably be happier spending my life alone. I never got the chance to be on my own, and maybe it would do me good. I needed to learn to be independent if that's how I would live the rest of my life.

"You know grandpa set us up," Jay said. I felt his jaw move up and down when he spoke. His head was really heavy.

Wait. He just said something weird.

Dale set us up. Dale set us up? Dale set us up.

Stop repeating it and think it through! Moron.

Us as in me and Jay? Like he wanted us to be couple? That made absolutely no sense. Why would he even think that? He hadn't seen Jay in a really long time and he didn't know very much about me. Crazy old man.

"Why would you even say that?" I asked, letting arms fall back down to my side. They were once wrapped loosely around his waist, but now I wanted nothing more than to be alone. Why could he not understand that?

"Just wanted to let you know. I have him to thank for bringing me to you."

Fucking boy. He was trying to let me down easy. I just wanted him to break my heart and walk away. Was that really to much to ask?