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Feeling Worthless

Feeling Worthless// Honestly, even in holiday seasons you just feel unimportant. TRIGGERS GOD DAMN TRIGGERS PLEASE PLEASE BE CAREFUL

Dean- Maybe it was just the stress getting up to you, the lack of sleep. The finals coming up, you just wanted to die in a hole and never get resurrected again to see another light of day. Overall, you felt worthless. Dean had been busy all week and all you needed was him to hold you and reassure you. "Babe? Robin, you in here?" Dean's voice asked, softly. You let out a noise, as he entered the bedroom. You were splayed out, fresh tear stains on your face with it buried deep in the pillow. "Oh babe." Dean knew what you were feeling as he pulled you up, your head in his chest and his arms protectively fitting around you. "I'm here, I always will be. I will always here to make you feel like you're worth every diamond because I am in love with you."

Sam- Overthinking is a killer. The mysterious endless possibilities of thoughts that were deadly. You felt worthless after late night thoughts. Why? Why on earth did Sam pick you out of girls to date? You never thought yourself as special, never one to stand out. You always thought that someone was always paid to like you, to be fake to you and it end up with you hating yourself, with you feeling worthless. Sam rolled over in bed and wrapped his arms around you. You were facing the wall as he was behind you. He kissed your shoulder and then nuzzled into it. "I love you, princess. I am so thankful for you, without you I don't know where I would be." Maybe, just maybe, Sam was your cure, "I love you."

Castiel- You looked at the bare walls of the bathroom, you sat against the bathtub. You just wanted to get away, from the drama, from the boys, from reality. You didn't know what happened. You just started to feel worthless. Wow, worthless that's a strong word. Of course, you're a big believer about names define you. Stupid really, what was holding you back from loving yourself? You just couldn't understand, no not really. You wiped away your tears away, mascara already running down your cheeks. You bit your lip in an attempt to keep yourself quiet from letting out a sob. But Cas already zapped next to you. He sat next to you and looked at you, he brought you in close and kissed the top of your head. No words needed to be spoken.

Gabriel- You remember the happy moments, the times when you weren't sad however they were blurred and faded as of the world was closing in to you. God you feel so damn insecure whenever Gabriel was around women. Yes, he knew he was committed but sometimes you wished he took it a bit seriously. You let him look at girls, not flirt with the, but you just feel that he was going to leave you for better. You felt worthless compared to others. That's what you do best at, you compare. "How's my girl?" Gabriel's voice rang out while you were busy burying yourself in pillows. You tend to forget that Gabriel could read minds and immediately felt guilty. He pulled you up into his arms, "I am so sorry, truth is you are always the better one out of them."

Balthazar- Sometime you found it hard to look at yourself in the mirror. At times, you convinced yourself that no one would miss you if you were gone. You cry for no reason and have trouble figuring out how to fucking function when your fucking mind is spit firing insults at you. It was your hell, a hell you couldn't run from but you can be saved. The mind is a scary place. Balthazar knows, after looking into your fucked up mind after you bursting into tears once. Balthazar secretly tries to help you by complimenting you always. Taking you out to dates, concerts and conventions to make you happy. "I love you, love, I always will. Now, let me help you, save you. You are worth every single prize, my love." Balthazar kissed your forehead, "I'm here now."

Lucifer- How do you describe society? Well that's easy, society is people that are always judgemental, cruel and never ever pleased. They have standards, which you don't have. You didn't have amazing eyebrows or makeup skills. You didn't have the flat stomach or the big boobs or even the big butt. You were average, which makes you wonder why Lucifer fell head heels over you. And because you weren't society expectation it made you feel useless, made you feel worthless. Lucifer knew how it felt and was always there when you needed him."Kitten, my sweet kitten. I love you and everything about you. I fell in love with you because you were simple, simply beautiful for me. You didn't need to impress. So, Kitten, you are not worthless."

Michael- You've come up to the point where you care too much or you don't care at all and you don't know what is worse. You felt worthless so you shut people out. Stop them from hurting you because you were afraid of feelings now you only felt numb. But Michael, he is always going to be  there. He loves you. He doesn't care if you need to stay up and cry all night long because he will stay with you n matter what. There is nothing that will lose Michael's love for you. He will protect you from death and after death he will still protect you because his love for you is so strong. Nothing in the goddamned world will exhaust him because he will never want you to feel worthless again.

Crowley- Holiday season, the time when your family gets together and you hated it. Your family was full of sexist, racist and homophobic assholes. Then of course after the comments of sexism and racism you always are the targeted family member which always get insulted and questions. Family was suppose to make you build self esteem not lower it, it was suppose to build up confidence not knock it down. Family was suppose to love and care not fucking make you fucking worthless. Because now you just want to die in a hole, even demons treat you better than your so called family. "Don't listen to them, darling, you are appreciated and loved. I love every single thing about you. They don't deserve you in their family."

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So what if it's Christmas? Well all know there are going to be people that want to not get out of bed or wished they were dead already. We know there are families that judge the child.

But god fucking damn it. Stop, just stop. Stop lowering your self esteem and your confidence. You are beautiful, you are wonderful, you are fucking glorious in the wind.  You need to start believe in yourself and always keep fighting

This year might be the greatest but we can always make the last few days a good memory. So my assbutts, just remember: Always Keep Fighting