Before Her

Jane 17

A/N
I've been rereading Before Her and I am really sorry about all those mistakes/typos. Sorry. Hope you all have a good Christmas!!!! 🎄🎄

Jane
Those two words hung in the air, I shouldn't have said it, I should have let Newt rest. I couldn't stop them from tumbling out of my mouth. I watch as the colour visibly drains from his cheeks.
'They're burying him today,' I tell him softly.
I watch a tear fall from each eye. He doesn't say anything, he just sits there. Pale and frozen, as if my words still hadn't registered to him.
'This is all my fault,' he whispered so softly, I almost didn't hear him. A knot forms in my chest.
'Newt, don't say that it's not your fault. You tried your best, you brought him back. If you hadn't, and the walls had closed, you know that the grievers would have taken him.'
'But I still feel like it's my fault. If I hadn't been drunk, maybe, I would have taken that bloody path instead of him.'
'Newt, you know that's not true!' I almost shout. I take his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me. 'Maybe, you would have taken that path, maybe you wouldn't have. Maybe the griever didn't come out that day and comes out tomorrow. You know that when the runners go into the maze, there is a forty percent chance that you will come across a griever. There is NO stopping that from happening.'
Tears fall slowly down his cheeks, panic in his eyes, mixed with terror and sorrow. The tears fall, sliding down, slipping through my fingers.
'It's my fault.'
'Newt, Newt look at me, Newt.' Our faces are so close, his eyes so wide, so sad. 'It is NOT your fault okay? That's a big pile of klunk and you know it. Pete died, trying to find a way out of this prison, he died for us. It's not your fault. You were sick, that's not your fault either. You deserved a day off anyway, okay? If you keep tearing yourself apart like this, who is going to lead the runners? Who is going to help Alby keep order in the glade? How are you going to explain to the other runners, if you get depressed and upset like this? You knew exactly what to do when you found out he was missing, you remained calm while others, including me, were going out of their shucking minds wondering what they should do. You brought him back, you carried him from the maze back to the glade, back to his home. You-'
The door bangs open, we both jump and look up to see Alby.
'Oh, Newt, you're up. How are you feeling?' he asks.
'Fine,' Newt replies, his voice tight.
'Jane delivered the news?' he asked, which really was a stupid question, you could obviously tell from the tears.
'Yeah, yeah she told me.'
'Great. Jane we need you in the infirmary.'
'Oh, okay,' I say hesitantly, before getting up and walking out of the room leaving Alby with Newt.

The infirmary was the same, blood and bruises everywhere, bandages and first-aid kits being handed from hand to hand by med-jacks. I set work at a table that was already filled with bandages, except these were used ones. Honestly these boys have no idea what and where to put things. They need something, they take it, when they're done, they leave it at an empty table and go get lunch. I don't think these guys have ever heard of anything called a bin or a system, or keeping an organised stack of everything each at one station.

I grab a plastic bag and clear off the table, then grab the usual supplies before telling shanks to file a line. Since most med-jacks had been up and running last night with Pete, some of them weren't here today, either because they're still there, or because they had been working so hard they had passed out. Either way, some came to work after they woke, and the rest are here, working there butts off because other med-jacks weren't there.

One by one, a boy sits in the chair across from me and shows me their injuries. The boys came from almost all the jobs we had in the glade. There were gladers from the track-hoes who had somehow gotten bruises, which I don't completely blame. There were cooks, and who had cuts and burns. There were builders who had spinsters and bruises on there feet from dropping heavy equipment. You probably only get one pair of shoes your whole life in the glade because, they had really worn shoes and really smelly feet. Most try to engage me in a conversation but my both my heart and my head, wasn't in it. There were too many things to think and worry about.