The voice mail Erin left for Jay? He never got it. Somehow it didn't send, or he never listened to it, so he never heard how she felt at the moment. Because of this, he was starting to give up.
Ever since Jay had given her those three letters before his vacation, he hadn't forgotten to write more. He got back from vacation a week and a half ago and he has given Erin a week and half worth of letters-love letters. He knows that things between them were over, but he also knows that he loves her, so he won't give up. They have been together through thick and thin, and they fit together like chocolate and peanut butter, but sometimes they are like fire and ice; both of them could be the fire and both of them could be the ice. But when they were chocolate and peanut butter, it was sweet.
Jay walked into the district ready for work. Erin looked at him like he was a stranger when she saw him and, at the moment, he was. He was starting to give up. He was starting to realize that if she didn't want him now, then when would she? Jay didn't want to wait a lifetime just to only get a glimpse at real love. He wanted real love. True love.
Dear Erin,
I love you so much, but you look at me like you don't know me, like I'm a different person. The truth is I haven't changed. I'm not different. It's you. You've changed. You've become a new person: someone that is unrecognizable to me, and to many others. Maybe they, the others, haven't noticed yet, but I have. And if you aren't willing to admit it, to admit the truth of the matter is that you and the situation have changed, there isn't a real chance for this, for us. So please, Erin, just tell me that you still love me, or reassure me. Because if this doesn't happen one day, then there is no reason to wait and find out. Because if you don't want this, and I can't let go of it, then we both lose. So I want to. . . it doesn't matter what I want right now, but it does matter that I need you. I love you. Please, please come back to me.
Love, Jay
Jay read his letter over and then crumpled it up. As the paper sounded, Erin looked up. Jay threw it away and got up to go to the bathroom. Erin was curious as to what it was so she sneaked over to his desk and picked up the crumpled paper out of the trash.
She read it, and then saw Jay coming. Erin ran over to her desk and sat down with the crumpled paper in her hand. She read it again and again.
"Watcha reading?" Jay asked, walking by her desk on the way to his own.
"No--nothing." Erin responded as she folded up the paper and slid it into her drawer. She now knew for sure how he was feeling, and she was starting to doubt if he ever got the voicemail that she left him.
She looked up at Jay and then looked down at her phone, which had been sitting on her desk. She felt tears clouding her eyes, but she didn't care if anyone saw them; she wiped her eyes and then looked back up at Jay.
It was like she had so suddenly come to a realization that she needed love which, in turn, meant that she needed Jay. She pulled out her phone and sent him a text message.
Erin: Hey.
Jay: Hey.
Erin: I have to tell you something...
Jay: And that would be....?
Erin: I do, I love you. And I always will. I just hope you can forgive me.
Erin looked up at Jay, who was still sitting at his desk, for a response. She watched as his chapped lips curled into a smile as he typed away on his phone.
Jay: I didn't think you were ever going to say that. But I love you too.
Erin: I know you do, and I'm just glad I finally admitted it. I'm sorry it took me so long.
Jay: Maybe later we can talk, not through texts. We could talk about our relationship, about us.
Erin: Yeah, maybe after shift?
Jay: Yeah. Anyways, I think we should stop because I think Voight is getting suspicious over there. He is giving us the evil eye...
Erin: You saw that too? Lol, bye.
Erin got up and went to go get a cup of coffee after her quick conversation via text with Jay. He followed her into the break room. Jay wasn't thirsty, but he did want to talk to her, using his words. He grabbed her arm and stopped her while they were walking.
"I need to talk to you, to tell you something face-to-face." Jay stated, pulling her towards the janitorial closet.
"And what is this conversation about?" She asked, politely waiting for an answer as he led her into the closet.
"Just hang on. Let me think about how I'm going to word this." He paused for a moment, then started to continue. "Okay. So when you texted me, my first thought was...well, I thought you were going to tell me to leave you alone. But when you said that you loved me, I realized something. I know I said I love you back. But I'm not so sure I meant it. I think maybe I said that without...without...I don't know. That I said it without thinking?"
"Jay, I...I don't believe you. I don't think that's what you're feeling. You aren't even sure of what your saying. You're just...just saying it."
"You are right. I do love you. But, Erin! You've broken my heart so many times, and I know.. I broke your heart too, but I just, I don't think I can do it anymore. I need...I need to be sure this is going to work this time. I have to be sure, for the sake of the relationship. Our relationship. We've been going in circles and we need to find some stability before we say that we can make things work between us."
"If you really wanted this to work so bad, Jay, you wouldn't have told me this. This is exactly why I broke up with you. Yeah, because of Voight, but deep down, you really just don't know when to shut up. I loved you, but I don't anymore like I used to. Not now, now that you don't...trust me? Is that the right word?" Erin yelled at him. Her heart was hurting, but she wasn't sure it was because of him, maybe it was because of her.
With that, Erin left Jay Halstead speechless in a janitor's closet as she walked with her tear stained face back to the real world.
