Signed Ezra

Chapter 5, Let Her Go

"You only need the light when it's burning low, only miss the sun when it starts to snow, only know you love her when you let her go."
-Let Her Go by Passenger

Isn't it funny how we only miss things when they are gone. Like when you need a match to light a candle because the power is off or how when the sun is gone you miss how it warmed your body. It's interesting.

I find myself missing you so much right now. It's just like I said, you don't miss things until they're gone.

I feel lost without you, like there is a space in my heart missing. I try to drink away the feelings. Drink until the hole is filled, but every time I try I find myself staring at an empty bottle wishing my dreams lasted.

You were a dream to me, but music, it was always a bigger dream. That terrifies me though, the fact that you were a dream to me yet you got away so what does that mean about my music, will it go away too soon like you did.

Dreams happen slowly, it took the band years to even get noticed, but dreams go away in the blink of an eye so it makes me worry if I spent so much time on a dream that would never last.

God, I can't forget you. Even when I'm five glasses in and I can barley remember my name I can't forget you. You're always there, even when I try to sleep, whenever I close my eyes for a little to long you are there staring at me. I can't understand why I let you get away, why everything I love gets away? I really wish one day I will understand that.

When we stay at hotels at night after a concert I find myself staring at the ceiling in the pitch black. My heart is full, but only of sadness. The same empty feeling called depression takes over me and it's because of you. I even find it hard to write songs now because you went and broke me, I know that people write good songs about breakups but I don't know how to write them about you. I hurts to much.

I had a dream of you on a night like that, a night were I would close my eyes and think of you, open my eyes and still be thinking of you. You were there in my dream so close to me I could almost touch you. Yet even though you were so close anytime I stepped forward you stepped back, you stepped back until you had fallen off the face of my dream. Stepped back and out of my life so far I couldn't find you anywhere.

As I'm writing this I'm realizing how much love is like dreams. Dreams hurt, love hurts, it hurts really bad, that is just what they do I guess.

Hurt.

I knew I loved you back when we were dating, I just didn't know how much I loved you until now. Now that you're laying beside him instead of me, now that I'm halfway across the country from you, now that you don't love me.

I let you go, and now I fully understand how much I actually love you.

And I swear to God if I could go back I would just tell you how much I love you. I would tell you that everyday, and it wouldn't be a lie.

-Signed Ezra