Signed Ezra

Chapter 11, Lost Boy

"I'm coming because I need to find you, is anybody there who can rescue somebody like me. Cause  I'm just waiting for somebody like you, without you I'm a lost boy."

-Lost Boy 5 Seconds Of Summer

Have you ever heard the term 'I feel alone even in a crowded room'? I never knew what that really felt like until now.  See the thing is that I am constantly surrounded by people, stylist, friends, fans, my managers. Always, there is someone, I never get away other then the few hours I have to sleep in my own hotel room, any other time people are there.

The only person that is not here is the person I want here the most, you. I miss you, the way your voice sounds, the way your body fit perfectly against mine when we slept, the weird faces you made when you were mad. Oh god your face; I can barley remember the details of your face.  That should not sadden me as much as it does. God, I miss you so much it hurts. You left me with nothing, I feel lost without you.

I have literally traveled the world, yet it still doesn't lead me to you, just to dream beside you once again. All the things I would do for that.

I keep looking for you when I'm out. Whenever I leave the tour bus or my hotel room your the first one I look for.  Awhile back I saw someone that looked like you and I almost cried when I went near her and realized it wasn't you.

I'm broken; I always kinda have been, but I think without you I'm even worse. When we were together our relationship could distract me from the voices in my head, when I had someone to get drunk with it wasn't as lonely.

Maybe that's why we did so good together, we are both broken and together we felt whole, but now that you've moved on your whole with someone else and I'm not. I'm confused of where to turn and I have seemed to loss my sense of direction. I'm so lost, I feel like Peter Pan,  I will never grow up and I continue to travel in circles because I have no concept of direction.

I cannot wait to come back, my body shakes to the core when I think about it. I am coming to you, I  need to be with you, next to you. To feel your touch against my skin and hear your voice in my ears. It sounds ludicrous, but I just need somebody like you, and you are the only person I know who is like you.  Only somebody like you can fix somebody like me so I'll keep waiting for that somebody like you to come along and rescue me from this nightmare.

God, I am a lost boy.

I cannot remember the last time I heard your voice...that is a really sad thought for me to admit. We were a perfect harmony, don't you remember, I used to write songs and you would come in and sing them with me. Our voices meshed in a beautiful melody, one that I may never be able to recreate.

It feels like I'm underwater because of that. Everyone is making noise around me, however I cant hear a thing but your damn voice. It keeps me up at night, that perfect blend of sounds that our voices created.  I cannot get over it, no matter how much I drink, how much I smoke. It all leads back to you. Can't you tell by now, I need you to make me feel alive. No amount of alcohol can do what you did for me.

Come find me. please.

-Signed Ezra