Signed Ezra

Chapter 3, So Soon

"I know we said it's just as well that I won't keep you for myself. But, I don't wanna see you happier with somebody else"
-So Soon by Marianas Trench

I'm a liar.

You and I both know that. I lied so much to you, well I didn't necessarily lie; I just kept things from you. I lied about myself, who I was, what I was doing, so much.

I remember one time when we first started dating I told you I loved lobster because you did so you took us out to a lobster restaurant and ordered a lobster for me because the lobsters were 'to die for' but then after I tried to eat the stupid thing I finally told you I don't like lobsters and the fact that they taste like rubber.

You told me during almost all of our fights that you didn't even know me, yet I knew you knew me because maybe there were a few things I never told you but you knew how much I loved you and I loved you so much.

We were so certain we could work it out, you remember that. We were sure things would work out and we would be together forever, but that didn't happen. We tried to work it out, yet we could not work it out. I thought we were doing so good. Somehow though, I was completely wrong.

When we broke up you knew someone could love you more, understand you more than I ever did. I knew it, I just didn't want to except it.

I had met your new boyfriend before, he's your ex. Kinda ironic isn't it, I used to look at him as the ex and me as the boyfriend while now I look at myself as the ex and him as the boyfriend.

We met him one day while we were about to go out and eat. We ran into him and he and you talked, introduced me and I shoke his hand.

I understand what I said even know, I said someone could love you more then I ever did and that you deserve someone better yet that doesn't make it any easier to except the fact you're not with me anymore. It doesn't help the fact that I still think of you at night questioning what could have been. Just because I said what I did, it doesn't mean I don't still miss you.

I know we broke up. I know someone else can love you more. I know all of this yet it kills me to see you happier with someone not me.

Why can't you wait another few months before dating or something because it feels like it's toon soon for you to start dating again.

I know some things you can't fixed. Some things are broken for good, and that's just what they are, you can't glue them back together, its shattered, so broken its impossible to even begin putting the pieces back together. I know that is how our relationship is.

Shattered.

We broke up horribly, with a bang. I know our break up is something I shouldn't talk about, something that will never change. Yet that doesn't get it out of my mind.

I know we broke up. I know we are like broken glass which can never be put together again. I know we are, but I've been working so hard to change who I used to be.

Fix my flaws, change my broken ways. I don't know if I doing more for you or me, but I'm still doing it, maybe for us.

I'm jealous and I know it. No matter how much I fix myself, work on myself, change myself, I can't get rid of the jealousy. I hate that fact because I hate being jealous; it makes me act like such a jerk. I know I am jealous, I know I was almost the entire time I was dating you, jealous of what I don't know, but I was jealous of something.

I'm jealous of him I really am, but when my friends ask I just pretend I don't care. I'm to proud to say I'm jealous, its like my ego drops completely when I admit it. I am just to 'proud' to say I'm jealous, to 'proud' to say I miss you.

I know we are broken, I know I say I don't miss you, but what if I said I changed my ways, changed the habits you didn't like. Would you let me back in. Could we try to work it out again. Even though I say I've changes I don't think I have. I think I am just infatuated with the way it rolls off my tongue because I don't think I will ever change, I don't think its possible.

Why can't you just be lonely. Please. I'm begging you. I know you need someone else, but this just feels so soon.

I know it seems selfish, I know what I'm saying is beneath who I am, but you don't understand. It's not easy to just congratulate you and wish you well then let you go on your way. It's not easy to let the 'love of your life' walk out of your life like that.

I hurts so bad.

I know what I said. I know I said you will be happier with someone else. I know I did, but why must you be happier with someone else so soon after you where happy with us?

-Signed Ezra