Still My Thug

63.

Noami's POV

Me having sex with Tray last night was for me to try and get my mind off things. Everybody that had something to do with her death is pissing me off by the sight.

I haven't cried, I've just been in my room. I was still laying down as Tray got up and ran the shower.

"Noami." he said shaking me awake.

"I don't wanna go." I stated.

"What?"

"I don't wanna go, I can't. Especially, knowing that I was the reason she killed herself. I just can't go." I said.

"Noami, you didn't kill her. She was in an unstable place. But she's your best friend and you have to go."

"Tray, if you love me you would leave out this room close the door and go to the funeral without me." I said facing him.

"Noami, I'm not leaving without you. Now, if you love me you'll get up, get in the shower with me, and then we'll BOTH get dressed and go to the funeral."

"I can't. I'm not going." I said facing the wall.

"Noami........

"I can't do it! Don't you understand that? I can't just go and look at her like that knowing I was the one who caused her that much pain to kill herself! I'm not going, so just leave me alone! Take Tyrone to Stacy's and you go to the funeral with the other guys who help kill her!" I yelled.

"I'm not leaving without you." he aais.

"Please, Tray I just want to be alone." I said.

"Alright, I'll leave you alone. But I'm not leaving this house without you." he said getting up.

He went and turned off the shower and I balled up under the covers. The words I said to her replay in my head. The memories we shared while I lived up here, plus the ones when we was little.

I let a guy get in between us. I let Tray get in between us.

I laid in the bed and just thought on everything. I kept hearing the doorbell ring and people knocking on the door. Few minutes later, the door opened.

"Go away." I stated.

"I told you last night that I wasn't going anywhere." Diamond said coming in.

"I'm not going. So, you can just save your lecture."

"I am. You're stubborn as a mule and I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to lay here." she said laying down.

She laid next to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I love you Noami. But you and I both know you didn't kill her. She killed herself."

"My words Diamond. Everything I said to her, made her drive herself to force a knife into her chest. That saying 'sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me' its all a lie. I killed her, I know it."

"Okay, let's say if everything you said did drive her to killing herself, Noami she's your best friend. You have to go to her funeral because that's what friends are for. Be there through the good and the bad. Even through death, they should make your dreams come true for you."

"I'm not her friend. Or I wouldn't have let a guy come in between us."

"A guy who's your baby's father. She knew that but we can't think on the past right now. And if you just think about the great times you two had, and not the bad."

"I told you to hold your lecture." I said getting up.

"And now I'm telling you that your boyfriend or baby's daddy is sitting downstairs depressed and hate to see you go through this. He's confused and he don't know what to do but he's trying."

"I know. I just can't shake the fact that it was him. It was him she couldn't have and......

"You didn't kill her and neither did Faith or Terrance. Especially, not Tray." she said.

"Now, if we're going to make this funeral you better get ready."

"Okay."

"Okay." she said bring me into a hug.

"I love you." I stated.

"I know. You have no choice."

We both started laughing and I got up and went to take a shower. When I got out Tray was sitting on the bed putting on his shoes.

"I'm sorry." I said sitting on his lap.

"For?"

"Yelling and pushing you away. I'm just not myself right now."

"I know. But I wasn't leaving without you."

"I love you." I said making our foreheads touch

"I love you more baby girl. Now, can you get ready so we can go?" he asked.

"I'm going."

I went to the closet and put on my black outfit and then did my makeup. I put on my black sunglasses and then Tray walked downstairs together with the others.

We all left and headed to the church. When we pulled up, I grabbed Tray's hand tighter.

"You can't give up on me now." he said.

He got out and then came other and opened my door. He held my hand the whole time we walked in and sat down. It was time for us to walked around and see her body but I just sat there.

"Noami, I told you I wasn't leaving you alone." Tray said.

"Tray I can't." I said starting to cry.

"Okay okay. Then I won't make you." he said bringing me into a hug.

I just cried into his chest, not caring about my makeup or people watching.

"Come on." he said walking me out.

We walked to the car and waited for Everybody to come out. When they did we went to the repast. I did nothing but sit around and look at everyone.

My eyes landed on Faith who was already looking at me. She got up and came over by me and Tray.

"I'll give you two some privacy." he said getting up.

"You said you wouldn't leave me." I said grabbing his hand.

"Noami, she's your friend."

"Not every girl that I talked to is my friend." I said throwing his hand.

He sat there as Faith approached us.

"Noami, can I talk to you outside?" she asked.

"Sure." I stated getting up."

We walked outside and she started talking.

"Look, I know that you think Destiny killing herself is part of my fault."

"I do, don't think."

"Okay, but its not none of our faults Noami. She's was hurting."

"Look, I'm going to say this nicely so I don't kill another friend but Faith you took her man. Someone she loved......

"And she tried to do the same thing to you!"

"I know that! But it had to start somewhere and her birthday party was not it!" I yelled back.

"I didn't mean for it to come out like it did. I was....

"Drunk. Yeah, people do stupid things when they're drunk." I said.

"Yeah, they do."

"But were you drunk the first time you tried to sleep with him? Or what about the second? Or the first time y'all didn't sleep together? Were you drunk then Faith?"

"No." she mumbled.

"Exactly. That night didn't need to happened. Look at you, you could've had any guy but you went after someone you knew wasn't yours."

"And so did she." she said walking away.

I walked away and got into the car. I have a feeling things between me and Tray aren't going to get any better.