Let's Just Give It Time

Let's Just Give It Time- Chapter 1

It’s like drowning, the water fills your lungs and it burns. It feels like acid, slowly eating away at your insides. You try to hold your breath because you know as soon as you open your mouth there’s no stopping the water from flooding in. It takes over, it consumes you like a disease and you can’t escape it no matter how hard you try. However, when you inhale that last breath of water you go numb. You don’t feel that burning sensation anymore. You feel at ease and relieved to the fact that you aren’t in pain anymore or feeling discomfort. That’s what it felt like; to have that one person you love slowly slip away from you, betray you. To find out the love of your life isn’t who you though they were. It felt exactly like that only a million times worse. The only tragic part is I haven’t got to the point where I don’t feel pain; I feel it all the time; every second of the day. It feels like I’m dying slowly, like I can feel everything deteriorating inside of me; slowly breaking, cracking, piece by piece. It’s become the only thing I can feel. In some ways I think the pain is the only thing keeping me alive, making me realize that I can still feel something. I like feeling the pain because it’s better than feeling nothing at all. When I see him it reminds me that it was real and not a figment of my imagination. It shows me that I did love once and I could do it again, eventually. It reminds of the good times we had together and even though we don’t share them anymore they were good times nonetheless. However, when I think about them I want them back. I’d do anything just to feel that sense of security and love and absolute happiness one more time. I think that desire that I have to feel that again will be my demise. People like to say that the love you still feel for an ex can be your downfall because you don’t know how to let go or move on. I don’t think they realize that it’s not that you don’t know how but that no matter how bad you want to your heart is pulling you towards them for some reason you can’t explain. Every fiber of your being knows this person is no good but your heart won’t allow you to let go. It doesn’t mean your naïve or desperate; it just shows that, that little organ pumping blood through your body is stronger than you thought. Maybe it knows something you don’t, or maybe it’s just a little confused. Either way whether you go back or move on immediately you still learned a lesson. The only thing different is if you go back you learn the lesson twice in greater detail. It will still hurt but I think it’ll hurt a little less the second time around because you knew how it would end because of the first time. I don’t know how strong my heart is or if I will go back but I’m trying so hard not to. I guess we just have to wait and see it play out.

3 months earlier….

Every day has been the same thing for this past year. I wake up, get dress, eat breakfast with my family, go to school, come home, do my homework, occasionally hang out with friends throughout the week, and go to bed so I can wake up to go to school the next day. It was a routine that I’ve gotten pretty use to but it wasn’t one that I really liked. It was boring but I think after a while all routines get boring. All I knew was I was ready for a change, for more excitement, and responsibility because as I get older I want to be taken more seriously. I was ready to be taken more seriously and I was looking forward to the change that would come soon enough.

I sit in class at my desk waiting for the last bell of the day to ring, so anxious just like the rest of the students were. It was the last day of school; once that bell rang it would be the official start summer break. I love summer break, I love to sleep in and not have to worry about school work or test. I could just relax my brain in a sense. However, even though I was excited for summer break I was also eager to start my first year of high school the following school year coming up. I had already begun prepping for high school before I even finished my eighth grade year; that’s how excited I was. My older brothers who already attend the high school I would be going to that year coming up introduced me to a few guys they knew who were popular so I would already be familiar and comfortable when I started there. Even though I’m a little younger than them I became instant friends with them. I also introduced them to some of my friends that would also be going to the same school. We’ve been hanging out a lot and it’s been amazing. Since the school year doesn’t start for another couple months I’m planning on just enjoying my summer with my new friends and old ones as well while working at one of the local clothing stores that’s pretty popular amongst the teens that live in town. My dad’s friend owns the clothing store so he got me a job there starting tomorrow. The bell rang pulling me out of my thoughts; I got up and left the classroom ready to head home to go out to dinner with my family like we do at the end of every school year.