"World So Cold" (Falling Skies Fanfic)

Chapter Four : "Damaged"

 It's always been my fault. If only I looked out for my friends, then they wouldn't have been lying under the ground. They would've been alive, we would have been fighting side by side. I'm sitting at the top of the highest building here in Charleston camp, looking down to the people below. Some are living each day as if the aliens didn't came at all , some live in fear but all of them are just the same, they don't know when it's their time to go. They don't know if  there's even a single relative or friend alive, someone that they know could be out there, waiting for the day that they will be united.

 I remember what Jimmy told me that day the Esphemi attacked us in Fitchburg, "This world will never work the way it was before. As long as the aliens are here, no one is safe. That's why we have to look after each other , treat each other as a family. But at the same time , avoid ourselves from being too attached. People could die any minute , and the pain of losing someone that you got close to or someone that you love  is the worst thing that could ever happen" .

 It's quite confusing but he made perfect sense. After Dad went missing and we left Fitchburg, I got partnered with Jimmy. We've been a great team , on missions and on hunting skitters at night. That is until I let my hatred took over, we attacked Red eye's group and he ended up impaling Jimmy on the branch of a tree. To attack them was my idea , it's my fault that I got Jimmy killed.

 And now it's happening again, John died yesterday and it's all because of me. We made it clear that we'll look out for each other whenever there's a mission. We promised to be there for each other until the day that Earth is free again. Like Jimmy, John died a little too young. As much as I am trying not to put the blame to myself, I can't help it. I was their leader , they're my responsibility.

 Then I suddenly remembered Nick , I don't know where he is now but that the chances that he's alive is really slim. I didn't even realized I was crying already, I tasted my tears as they fall down to my lips. I don't wanna lose someone that I love anymore. My heart is too damaged , it's too broken.

 Then I saw in my mind a flashback of when I was 11. Me and my mom are driving to school when we got into a car accident , and Dad was mad at me because I was the reason that mom got distracted while driving and we ended up smashing into another car. Mom turned her body into a shield to prevent me from getting hurt, she's at the hospital for over a month.

 Around the same time , I was being bullied at school and I'm always fighting with Hal. One night , it all came to a breaking point that I can't stand the pain anymore. I need a release, a distraction from everything. So, I got my Dad's blade and then proceeded to cut my left wrist. It's not too deep, but the blood came out and it helped me get through that phase.

 So I decided to do it again while no one is watching. Maybe it'll help .. of course it'll help. I brought out my knife and did it. It hurts but it will help me forget the pain for a while. I watched as the blood come dripping out and then looked at the horizon.

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Matt's P.O.V

 "Matt?" I heard Dad knocked at door of my room. "Come In" I said and then he went inside to remind me that tomorrow is my birthday.

 "What do you want to do tomorrow huh big guy?" he said and then sat beside me.

 "I don't know Dad"

 "Let's see. I could have a mini party for you and your friends. How's that?" he said.

 "Really?"

 "Yeah. Of course , Martin and Jose wouldn't be there anymore but you have some new best friends" he said and then smiled.