Dani's December

Chapter Sixx

The disoriontation of waking up is momentary. The feeling of comfort is momentary too. Dani is standing in the cornor of the room, back to me, changing her shirt. God i remember how badly i freaked out the first time i saw her without a shirt on.

Not only because she was absolutly beautiful, but the uncountable scars. They aren't disfiguring, they aren't discusting, they create her, i believe. Still the sheer amount of scars she has is slightly frightening and very shocking. It makes you wonder what someone had to have lived through to have that many scars. 

Dani didn't talk about her family much, not at all really. I always wondered though. She has an accent, it's faint but somehow prominent at the same time. I still don't know where she's from or much about her past. I just always accepted her, and everything she was. Everything she is.  Staring at her as she pulls her shirt on, watching her muscles move, her sun kissed skin, i'm completely in love. I know that.

  I can't believe what my family said about her. About me.......  But they don't matter, nothing matters besides Dani and the fact that she loves me. 

The things they say anen't entirely wrong. I remember how Dani was before she got with me. I remember. They act like i don't but i do. It's them who don't remember, They don't remember how she was when she WAS with me. They only remember the bad. That's there loss because i do.

She turns around with a sad face. It's coming, i can feel it. She sits on the end of the bed, focusing on her elbows placed on her  knees. I can see it, she's putting on her mask. I've seen her mask many times. The cold emotionless blank face she pulls on when she doesn't want to show what she is really thinking or feeling. The impenetrable mask. "Toots..." She says through gritted teeth, gripping one hand with such feirceness it's a pale blue. "Toots you have to go now."

I know thats not all she has to say but i really hope it is. "Okay" I try to sound happy but my throat is tight. Her jaw tightens, still she won't look at me. Its not over. I get up and start putting my stuff in it.

"Toots... You need to not come back."

There it is. The word that freeze me to the ground, The words that bring tears to my eyes. The words she didn't want to say. Slowly i turn around.

"Wh....Why?" I choke out trying to hide the tears.

She looks dead ahead.

"Toots...... This is the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. I have to do it alone."

"But....But i can help you... i can help you.... i can make it.. easier.... please... i have to be able to see you... i have to ... i can help.." I choke out tears falling.

"I don't want help toots."

"Why not!" My voice is raised despite my best efforts.

"Because if i take you're help with this I'll be weak." She says almost silently.

I don't no what to say to that. I know Dani, i know she won't change her mind no matter what i say so it really i spointless. I walk out the door. As i shut it i swear i hear her say 'i love you', but that is probably just what i wanted to hear.

Driving home i think I've lost my mind. I laugh and smile. Despite the bad morning, i found out everything i needed to know.

She really does love me.

In her own way.