Steel and Stone [The Maze Runner (Scorch Trials) Fanfiction]

Torrents

For the first time in a long time, I let myself cry. I cry for Kate, I cry for Clint, I cry for Chuck, I cry for Thomas, and Newt, and Mal, and Minho, I cry for me. I cry for all of us. The tears stream endlessly down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I barely notice as a pair of strong arms wrap around me. Minho pulls me into his lap, my back tight against his chest, his arms around my waist. Minho doesn't say anything, he just buries his face in my hair. He makes no attempts to comfort me, and I don't expect him to, I don't want him to.

Because it's not ok, nothing is ok, there is no reason to comfort, I should cry, I want to cry, I deserve to cry. Everything is wrong and it's all their fault, Wicked's fault, they stood by and watched us die. I feel hot anger burn behind my tears.
"It should have been me." I whisper to myself.

"Don't say that!" Minho murmurs. "Don't ever say that again, I couldn't do this without you, I need you." He whispers, his voice cracking with emotion. I feel tears running down my shoulder, he is crying. "If you had...." He trails off, unable to finish.

"I love you, Skylar, I'll love you until the end of the world." His voice is low and soft, and I can feel his lips moving against my skin as he talks. I choke on a sob knowing if it had been me, he would have been Clint, he'd have done the same thing, and thinking about Minho dying is too much. I can't hold back the tears. Guilty for my next thought, I'm glad it wasn't me, I break down again, sobbing uncontrollably.

"I love you too." My voice is shaky and barely audible. "I love you too." I whisper again, nodding to myself, squeezing my lips together in a hard line to keep from screaming. I'm going insane, and that is all there is to it. Suddenly I feel him pull me closer, his arms wrapping tighter around me. Then I cry, for hours, days for all I know, all I can do is cry.

When I finally run out of tears, I look up sniffling, and pushing the hair out of my face. I glance around the bus, and my heart shatters into a million pieces. Newt sits silently, staring off into some distant abyss, trying to comfort Mal, who sits sobbing loudly with her head on his shoulder. I watch as a single tear rolls down his face, reminding me even the strongest have their breaking point. Strangely, I'm glad he is crying, because if anyone deserves to cry, it's Newt. He's been through twice as much as anyone else, watched countless friends die and is still the one that holds us together. It's incredible really, almost super human. I continue to watch as he wraps his arm around Mal's shoulder, pulling her close and whispering something to her. Suddenly I feel guilty for watching and turn away. Next I glance to where Thomas sits, tears silently flowing down his face, he, like the rest of us, making no attempt to stop them. Theresa sleeps -I don't know how- with her head against the window, her hand wrapped in Thomas's. After looking around some more I realize, Everyone is either crying or staring off into some distant abyss like nothing matters, or will ever matter again. I can't bring myself to disagree.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore, I can't watch everyone who means anything to me, sit there torn to pieces, broken and bleeding. It just hurts too much. I turn and bury my head in Minho's shoulder, letting my hair fall in front of my eyes, hiding the pain.

Thirty left.
We lost twenty two.
They are dead,
But so are we.
Maybe they were the
lucky ones after all.

I sit that way for centuries, my head buried, eyes closed, tears streaking my face, drawing in uneven, ragged breaths.  Eventually, graciously, the gentle rocking of the bus and pitter-patter of rain against the window, lulls me into a dreamless sleep.