Steel and Stone [The Maze Runner (Scorch Trials) Fanfiction]

Survivor's Guilt

"Ya sleeping really sounds good." Minho says, looking at me sideways. "Especially when the world is falling apart."

"What else is there to do? It's not like we can get out, so we might as well rest up, wait for whatever WICKED has planned." I say, ignoring all the other arguments going on around me.

"Well, I'm sure I could think of lots of other things to do....." He says gesturing to the chaos around us, "but I guess you're right, it's doesn't look like we'll be going anywhere anytime soon."

"No, it certainty doesn't, now, I am going to sleep." I say turning and walking back towards the room where Teresa had slept.

"Where are you going? No way you're sleeping in there after what happened." Minho says, blocking my way through the door.

"No duh shuck-face, I was going to drag one of the mattresses in here, so I don't have to sleep on the floor." I say, ducking around him and continuing on towards the other room.

"Hey, not a bad idea actually." He says, turning to follow me.

"Thanks, I have them a lot actually, yet people are always surprised." I say rolling my eyes in his direction. "Look, are you going to help me with this, or just stand there and watch?" I ask, picking up the corner of one of the mattresses.

"Hmmm, think I'll watch?"' He snickers, leaning back against the door post. It reminds me of something Kate would have said, and suddenly I'm hit with a pang of sadness. I let the mattress fall to the ground, and bite my lip to keep from crying. "Sky? I was kidding I–" Minho starts, looking concerned.

"No, it's not that I just.... You... You reminded me of Kate." I explain, finding it difficult to get her name out of my mouth.

"Oh, sorry." Minho says reaching out pulling me into a hug. At first I resist, not sure I want to be comforted, but eventually I let him. "I didn't mean to." He says softly.

"I know, it's not your fault." I sigh, leaning into him. Suddenly it all feels wrong, being happy and close to him when so many are dead. Getting to wake up beside the my boyfriend, when Kate died beside hers. I push him away. "It should have been me." I whisper, twisting a lock of my hair. A nervous habit, something I do when I'm upset.

"Would you quit saying that?" Minho says, pushing the hair away from my face. "I don't like it when you say that."

"Ha well it's true."

"It is not, Skylar, you didn't deserve to die anymore than anyone else did, so shut up." He says, trying to pull me back to him. I lean away and step to the side.

"What about Kate? Did she deserve to die? What about Alby? Chuck? what about innocent little Chuck? What about them, did they deserve it?" I ask, my voice trembling, as tears start to cloud my vision.

"No." Minho says, wiping a tear from under my eyes. "No they didn't, but just because they didn't, doesn't mean that you did."  His voice is louder now, gaining volume as he speaks. "You shouldn't feel guilty for living Sky, you should enjoy every minute of it, not spend it moping, wasting the sacrifice they made for you."

"You think I don't know that?" I hiss, running my hand over the top of my head and grabbing a fistful of my hair. I feel like ripping it out. "I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do." The tears start to flow again, and I don't try to stop them.

He tries to grab me again but I dodge him, leaning back against the one of the beds as I cry. I bang my fists against the bed, angry at WICKED for taking them from me. I know I should be strong, but right now, It's all I can do to keep from curling into a ball on the floor, and giving up. Instead, I turn my sadness into anger, grabbing another fistful of my hair and yanking it until I can't take the pain. "I miss them." I whisper, covering my mouth as an ugly sob escapes my mouth. "I miss them already."