"Leave me ALONE Rosie" Ivan yelled, strolling into the men's changing room to avoid her. The invisible force field which stopped girls entering the room held her back, and Ivan coils till hear her violent,y sobbing as she begged to watch him change. Out of the corner of his eye, Ivan caught a glimpse of someone in the shadows. Bertie.
Bertie was wearing a black latex suit with "Not a Secret Agent" written over the from in yellow letters. He dived behind the nearest bench as Ivan approached him.
"Ivan! I'm not a secret agent!" He cried as he grabbed his secret weapon hidden inside his pink purse. He aimed the weapon (cleverly disguised as a gun) at Ivans face, who screamed and recoiled in horror.
"DONT DO IT! IM TO PRETTY TO DIE!" Ivan screeched as Rosie yelled that she definitely agreed. Pausing, Bertie put down the gun and got to his feet. He did an awesome hand fingers thing in Ivans face to stun him as he wiped his memory.
Content that his job was almost done, Bertie slid out the changing room like a snake, slithering along the floor and past the hordes of girls feet. Pretending to be a snake had served him well in Nam, and it hadn't failed him since. However, this time, someone saw him.
"Bertie? Is that you?" SHIT! It's Tilly! She was watching him from her locker, mid-wedgie-pick, and was so stunned she almost fainted.
"OH MY GOD TILLY, WHAT ARE YOU, MY STALKER?!?" Bertie wailed in angst, dashing for the door in embarrassment and out into the weird bit of the day when you don't know what time it is.
Little did Bertie know, when someone isn't fooled by the "I'm A Snake" secret agent trick, it means they are your true love :3
THAT REMINDED BERTIE OF HIS MISSION. Mission Bertie: Save The World.
*awesome music ensues*
Bertie goes through an epic montage of jumping over things and kicking people till they stop moving and winking at he camera. Jack dived in to photo bomb him once or twice, but Bertie was a Cool Cat and it didn't bother him.
Through Secret Agent Magic, Bertie dived through the window of the head badguys office. "HISS HISS! Or, in my language, GET REKT"!
But then Bertie realised that the head bad guy, lead lizard man, and ruler of the world was HIS HEAD TEACHER!
"AHA! BERTIE THE NOT SECRET AGENT! You're late, as usual" he sneered. "You forgot your Chemistry homework!" And Bertie was thrown to his feet. "Nooo not the Chemistry Homework!" He cried as he dramatically started to die.
"WHAT is an ACID?!?" Mr Evil yelled, laughing like a maniac as he pranced evilly towards him.
"I DONT KNOW AND I DONT CARE!" Ivan announced, diving in the window after Bertie, but tripped over his own feet and landed beside him.
"Yay!" Mr Evil celebrated. "I get to get TWO of my pesky students to watch my TAKE OVER THE WORLD MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"Don't act so sure!" Kameron yelled as he dived in to save his sexy boyfriend. "Hiyah!" He kicked Mr Evil right in the balls, and pulled off his mask to reveal A LIZARD MAN.
"NOOO YOU KNOW MY SECRET HISS HISS" Mr Evil screamed as he fell to his knees. "I just wanted to take over the world and enslave humanity, is that too much to ask?!?"
"Yes, Mr Evil, or should I say EVIL VON HISSHISS!" Bertie cried, getting to his feet. "And for the record, and Acid is a substance with particular chemical properties including turning litmus red, neutralizing alkalis, and dissolving some metals; typically, a corrosive or sour-tasting liquid of this kind."
So Bertie saved the world with a little help from Kameron, and no help from Ivan, but at least he showed its the thought that counts. Tilly never got her kiss and Rosie never got to watch Ivan get undressed, BUT WILL THEY NEXT TIME?!?
The end :3
