"What the fuck did you do to your hair" Elmo raged at Elizabeth. It was a weird look, and honestly Elmo hated it. Elizabeth gave him a stroppy look and turned away to sulk.
"Listen, if that smart version of Bertie reckons we are like us, only not us, then that means we must be like Evil Twins or something! Stop stropping and have some fun!" Elizabeth ignored him, glaring intensity a wall. Like the others, she hadn't taken a liking to Elmo at all, in fact she thought he was a very big meaniepoop. She never wanted to hear his stupid low voice again.
"We could ruin Kameron's life..." Elmo tempted, smiling at her eyes snapping open in curiosity.
"Kayla...?"
"Yeah, her too, why not" Elmo gave in, grinning manically at the plan forming in his brain.
"So you're telling me you're some kind of vampire?" The douchbag asked Rosie in dull stupidity.
"No you idiot! I'm a VampWolf!" Rosie growled, slapping his hand away from her skirt. "A werewolf had sex with a vampire, and the ensuing result bit me!"
"Yeah yeah that's great I guess" the douchbag muttered, half listening, instead fixing his eyes on her slightly exposed cleavage. That was the final straw. Rosie let put a howl of anger and immediately transformed into her final form. A pretty hairy wolf like creature with vampire fangs as teeth, pink eyes, a pink streak in the reddy brown fur and a cute little cape and a bow tucked behind her wolvish ear for the finishing touch.
"Only my SENPAI can see that!" She screamed, and the douchbag (let's call him Ross) screamed in terror a good 3 octaves higher and sprinted away, Rosie hot in pursuit.
Running for his life (or at least the safety of his dick, as Rosie was threatening a delayed circumcision) Ross ducked behind Ivan's epic tank, taking a moment to access the awesome paint job which included skull and cross bones, flames, a few half naked men and women drawn in an artistically tasteful manner and some flowers. There he found Ivan, crouched under the gears covered in mud.
"Hey, man, what the hell is happening" Ross asked in the derpy voice we all know.
"ITS A WAR YOU DAMN FOOL! WHAT ARE YOU DOING RUNNING AROUND LIKE THAT! Can't you sEE WE ARE UNDER ATTACK?!?" Ivan yelled in retaliation, chucking some mud all over Ross' designer sweater. "Thank me later, Private"
Attempting to commando roll away, Ivan soon saw what Ross was running from, screamed "RETREAT!" And backed up back under the tank. Seconds passed like hours of the two of them holding their breath in anticipation and terror, and Ross actually began to believe he was safe...
"Senpaiiiiiii" he heard Rosie whisper, and it was all he could do to stop himself from shitting is pants. "Senapiiiii please notice meeeeeeeee". In sick horror, Ivan and Ross slowly turned their heads to try and look each other in the eye for the last time before their impending doom, however something was blocking the way. Something ginger and furry with a pretty pink bow.
"GO GO GO!" Captain Ivan screamed, and before he knew it they were charging away from the tank filled by a love for their dicks. Ivan shed a single man tear over the loss of his beloved Tankie, now how was he meant to defend himself from that psycho bitch Ivy???
Noticing the perfect opportunity, Elmo send Elizabeth to befriend Rosie and acquire the tank for heir cause after all who wouldn't want a VampWolf AND a tank? His plan was coming together perfectly...
While running for their lives, Ivan and Ross accidentally came across Kameron and Kayla doing their bit for the war. Throwing permanent hair dye at eachother.
"You're fucking shitting me, your hair is NOT naturally that ORANGE!" Kayla squealed, ducking a dark blue projectile. In her own assault, she lobbed some rose red and hit Kameron square in the head, shuffling her laughter as is slowly slid down his now ruined hair.
"Now my SUPER POWERS DONT WORK!" Kameron wailed, slowly sinking back to the floor in a flood of tears. "My hair is mean to be orange" he added, sobbing.
Engulfed by a wave of guilt, Kayla surrendered to him and offered to fix his hair on one condition. That he make her natural hair colour that orange too.
Now safely in the IvanBunker, Ivan gathered him and his team mates around, introduced them to the new guy and drew out a battle plan.
"If I may interrupt, this guy Ross looks like a sex offender" Maybelle helpfully supplied, and for the first time ever someone actually listened to her. However it was only to steal her idea.
"Ross looks like a rapist!" Nate cried, and everyone turned to Ross for conformation.
"That must be why Rosie hated him so much" Ivan mused, and Ross was thrown out the bunker with post haste.
"Ok now let's continue. Nate, you drive around and kidnap your one, she seems like the gullible type. Bertie, put together some tasty chemistry experiments, Xander get knitting and make a GIANT net, Timmy keep breakdancing..."
"Can I say something?" Jack asked from the corner. "I have a little confession"
"What is is?" Ivan asked impatiently, eyes glancing at the monitor to make sure Rosie hadn't found the secret base.
"I... Kinda... Brought Jasmine here with me and we wanna do hugs not drugs"
"That doesn't even apply to this concept" Xander soothed, and Jack face palmed.
"He means make love not war" Jasmine supplied helpfully, and everyone started to gag.
"YOU WANT US TO SCREW OURSELVES?!?" Timmy cried, pausing for effect. Everyone turned to Jackmine in horror and the pair hurried to put it straight.
"I mean, we are literally fighting ourselves, Ivan just wanted an excuse to use the IvanBunker and we only dislike ourselves because it's part of our human nature but look how AWESOME we are!" They cried in unison. "Ivan! The only reason you hate Ivy is because she is just as much of a bitch as you, but that's ok! You can be horrible people TOGETHER! One horrible person, technically"
Continuing the unison, Jackmine turned to Timmy and Bertie. "Timmy, you can always teach Taine to break dance, and BB could always help you pass maths. Nate, you and Nina both like cars, so go drive around or something! No kidnapping, just jamming to sick beats in a Lamborghini"
"Kameron and Kayla seem to be getting along fine!" They added, pointing at one of the monitors which displayed Kayla learning how to use her newfound super powers from Kameron, with Ross curled up in a ball crying in the distance, shrouded in mud and fog. "Xander, Alex may not be that into knitting, but she likes her version of Nancy just as much as you do"
"YOURE RIGHT!" Xander yelled, grabbing Ivan's hand and dragging him out the IvanBunker, scolding him for being a stubborn little shit. Everyone charged after them, ready to find themselves and love themselves, just in time to notice a giant fucking robot crushing their otherselves school.
From the head, Elmo was cackling in evil laughter. "FIRST DUMBDUMB COLLEGE, THEN THE WORLD!" With Elizabeth yelling her support from the other head.
"Noooooo TANKIE!!!" Ivan screamed, falling to his knees and raising his fists into the air. "WHYYYYYYYYY"
To Be Continued The End :3
