Once Upon A Time, in a far away land, there lived a handsome prince named Xander. Xander had a nasty habit of getting locked up in a tall-ass tower by his bitch stepmother, so he was a total loner with absolutely 0 friends.
One day, a beautiful princess named Nancy came riding past on her bike. She noticed Xander's hair hanging pathetically put the window because what the hell, he was bored, and instantly decided she was undyingly in love with him. There was only one little problem, his bitch step mother called Elmo episode never let them hook up!
Filled with determination, Princess Nancy made a ladder out of a nearby tree, because who tf climbs up someone hair?!? Easily, and without scalping Xander, Nancy reached the top and climbed inside.
"OMG U DID NOT JUST GET INTO THE TOWER" Elmo screeched, gawping at Princess Nancy, who was checking out Prince Xander. The new couple rolled their eyes, harmlessly stepping out the way as Elmo charged at them. Unfortunately, Elmo isn't so easily defeated, and stopped before he fell out the window.
"You're not going anywhere" Elmo hissed, grabbing Prince Xander's arm and dragging him closer to him. In horror, Xander reached pathetically out to Nancy. Everything looked kinda bad for a second when suddenly a flash of brown and pink grabbed Elmo from through the window and dragged him dowwwwn...
"Bye Felicia!" Nancy called, strolling away from the window and passionately kissing Xander. They they returned to they'd kingdom, Xander was reunited with his parents and they got married.
Meanwhile in The Hall Of Justice... I mean... The Very Same Kingdom... Prince Ivan was riding around in the forest at night like every streetwise, intelligent person ever. To his surprise, he heard a distant howl and began to feet it was the legend of the VampWolf he had heard so much about.
However, it wasn't a VampWolf, it was a regular wolf that wanted to tear his flesh and crush his bones. But he didn't know that. Something else he's isn't know was that the legend of the VampWolf was very much real, and in fact it was stalking him right now.
The VampWolf, so awestruck my his pure hotness, but too shy to talk to him, stalked him for miles until he was back at the awesome man cave palace. There she snuck into his room where he was innocently watching gay porn, and introduced herself.
"I'm Princess Rosie, and I'm in love with you!" She confessed. "I have been cursed 100 years ago and now I'm a VampWolf, I need the kiss of true love to turn me back into my origional form!"
"Yeah, that's cool I guess, but is your true form hot?" Ivan asked, barely looking up.
"I... I guess... I mean, I'm a bit hairy..."
With a sigh, realising he did after all need a girlfriend since porn was getting boring, Ivan agreed on one condition. That Princess Rosie get him a man to share his mancave with.
Vaguely remembering some dumb prince locked up in a tower, Rosie ran off into the woods to fetch him. However, when she arrived, she saw this Prince already had a Princess, and therefore probably didn't want a Prince Bro. So instead, she killed the third wheel and dragged his body back to the mancave palace. Ivan said it was just as good and they lived happily ever after.
At the same time, or a little later I don't really remember, Prince Timmy was singing in the woods and birds were singing too. That guy was on CRAZY drugs. He needed to be addicted to dope, the Evil King Frank was always breathing down his neck and being a general dick.
Everyday, Frank would ask Siri "Who Is the Greatest Dancer Of Them All?" And everyday Siri would answer "Timmy. Duh." But unfortunately Frank was so self-centred he could only here "You Are!"
But one day Frank was so crazy sexed by the nearest skank, he only heard that's Siri really said! Super pissed, he got his best bitch Liam to entice Prince Timmy out into the wood s and beat the shit outta him!
But Timmy managed to hypnotise Liam the Huntsman so well with his smooth moves that's he got the perfect change to escape! Eventually he came across a little house full of tiny people. Their names were Robyn, Tilly, Evan, Bryony, Catherine, Jane and Francine.
They were all basic, so Timmy made like a banana and split, eventually finding a HIDDEN LOVE INTEREST where he lived happily ever after.
During all this commotion, Natesel and Kamertel were kicked out their house.
"Don't come back until you have straight A's" their teacher yelled. Kameron flipped them off, Nate rolled his eyes and they set off. Soon after they got lost, as you can probably tell they weren't all that smart, and wandered around for hours trying to find their way home.
Eventually they found a giant mancave palace, with a "meh" looking princess sobbing on the front steps.
"IVAN LIKES A ROTTING CORPSE BETTER THAN ME!" She cried, burying her head in her hands. The pair laughed and continued, deciding this Ivan dude probably had his head screwed on right.
Continuing on their journey, they found absolutely nothing and died of starvation.
Meanwhile, in a DIFFERENT kingdom, King Bertie was slaying a dragon. His heart was sworn to a beautiful dwarf over the seas, and for her he would do anything. This horrific, terrifying dragon named HISS HISS threatened to eat his horse, and that simply wasn't acceptable.
"IF I COULD TROUBLE YOU TO A DUEL" Bertie called up, or as he was better known, KING BERTUS OF SCIENCELAND! The Dragon Hiss Hiss sneered down at him, pretty sure a petty mortal couldn't defeat him.
Unsheathing his Newton Rod, Bertus held it high in the air, dead proud of himself. Spooked, the horsey galloped to safety and cheered its owner on from the side lines.
"I SHALL SLAY YOU, DRAGON!" Bertus yelled, stabbing the Newton Rod into his heart.
"Lol u can't kill me" Hiss Hiss laughed, pulling the toothpick sized weapon out his heart. "Mortals can't kill me!"
"But I'm not a mortal!" Bertus cried, and the dragon dropped dead. But Bertus was mortal, he just used reverse psychology to kill the dragon. He rode off with his horse and lived happily ever after.
Finally, there was once a boy called Jack who was lazy and didn't like climbing beanstalks. So when his mum chucked him out the house he was most surprised! But he never ever worked out and on his own he died.
IT WAS THE MIDDLE AGES MOST PEOPLE DIED OK!
The End :3
