WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS NOT CANNON
T'was the night of the school dance, and Xander had just collected Nancy from her house in a Zebra-Drawn carriage (just like Walter Rothschild!). Pulling into their school, minding the gap as they alighted from the carriage, they made their way inside.
Just in time for the first dance! Nancy showed off her beautiful brown dress (which matched her eyes) by twirling in the centre of the dance floor, immediately grabbing everyone's attention. Ivan strolled in, swamped by admirers immediately, and all the popular girls started whispering because they wish they Nancy's dress.
Before long, a showdown character appeared out of nowhere! He materialised just a few meters away, out of his wombat form and strode over, confidence brimming from his ugly hair to his ugly shoes. A couple of the girls fainted as he passed, but he clearly had eyes for only one girl. Xander's.
"Oh, hello there, Mr. Elmo" Xander and smirked, flicking his tongue over his fang as he approached them.
"Good evening, Mr. Xander von Wampire" he reply, bowing before Nancy, producing his hand, waiting for her to take it. "Miss Nancy? May I have this dance?"
Quick as a flash, Xander got between them before she could even reply.
"Sorry mate, she already has a date"
"Who?" Elmo scoffed, straightening up.
"Me" Xander grinned, punching him in the face.
"Oh snap!" He heard from the crowd as one of Ivan's fuckboy admirers saw what was happening. Elmo staggered backwards, his hand covering his mouth. As Xander proudly put his arm around Nancy's shoulders, his eyes flashed.
"Well well well, Xander, I didn't realise you were a... A Vampire!" He hollered, pointing at his fangs sticking out his mouth. Bertie, who was quietly observing, rolled his eyes at the mistake and slapped Elmo with a fish laying nearby.
"I am not a vampire, good sir! Nor am I an incubus, demon, or even an angel" Xander confirmed, winking at the crowd where most of them fainted. "I... Am... A... WAMPIRE!"
Elmo gasped, falling down as Nancy cried "My hero!". And Rosie threw her pants at Ivan.
"Oh yeah?!? Well so am I!" Elmo yelled, and all the women in the room fainted except Nancy, because she isn't a basic bitch. "I challenge you to a duel, Xander von Wampire!" He cried. "Winner gets to dance with Nancy, loser has to drink prune juice"
"Challenge accepted" Xander announced, shrouded in a synonymous cry of "Don't do it Senpai! It's too dangerous!" from the teenage crowd. Squaring him up, Xander suddenly realised he had a weakness. If he only could use it to his advantage...
"Prepare to be defeated, Xander!" Elmo yelled as he triple backflipped away from him. "Nancy will be mine!"
"Leave my princess alone!" Xander commanded, leaping after him as the crowd watched in stunned silence.
Elmo bounded all over the room, switching between human, to bat, to living shadow, to human, to koala, to invisible, to human, but Xander never lost his trail. In their wake they left teenagers knocked down in a haze like skittles, lights pulled down from the ceiling, blood candy which fell out his pockets, and Xander even lost his bow tie!
Elmo knew he would never escape Xander, so he gave up like the pussy he is, charging over to Nancy and taking her prisoner.
"Noooooooooo!" Xander screamed, grinding to a halt and reaching out his hand dramatically.
"Looks like you loose!" Elmo cackled, hugging Nancy but being careful not to touch her somewhere uncomfortable.
"You scoundrel! You know Wampires are allergic to prune juice!" Xander howled, marching over to him.
"I am very aware! Think forward next time you make a deal!"
"You know what else Wampires are allergic to?" Xander enquired, readying himself.
"No... What?"
"NUT SHOT!" Xander shouted, swinging his foot into Elmo's balls. He collapsed to the floor in agony, holding his naughty bit, and not his beautiful Nancy.
"Oh Thankyou Xander! I knew you would save me!"
"Thanks ok Princess!" Xander smiled, hugging her. The whole time, Ivan was on the ceiling watching so he wouldn't be engulfed by a sea of Fuckboys. One particularly resourceful one climbed up to beside him and handed him Xander's bow tie, and received a stern "you suck" as a Thankyou. Sadly he dropped to the floor and trailed away.
Timmy breakdanced in the middle of the room, everyone staring at him in awe instead of watching Xander and Nancy dance. But that's ok, they were both shy anyway.
Realising Ivan still had magic prune juice that came out of nowhere, he happily gave it to his good friend S'tan, hugged the nearest fuckboy zombie admirer (who was all too happy to get u close and personal) and watched the happy couple.
Xander was so happy he briefly felt bad for kicking Elmo in the balls.
Then he didn't.
The End :3
