I Miss You (a Calum Hood fanfic)

Authors Note| Please read. I need to say some things :)|

Well hello there friends. It has been QUITE some time hasn't it? It's been 2 years? That's a long ass time wow I'm so sorry.

I dont know why it took me so long to write this. I dont even know why I stopped in the first place. I mean, I do know. But it was a stupid reason now that I think about it.

You know how the main characters name is Laura? Yeah well, this was for one of my best friends named Laura. I'm not sure if we're considered best friends anymore, if I'm being honest... We still talk of course, we're friends. But lots of things have changed from when I first started this.

The real reason I stopped writing is because I realized I had fallen in love with my best friend. And she was not in a good place when I fell for her. It was so hard for me to stay. To see her in so much pain. I tried so hard, but she kept pushing me away. I let her. I tried in the end but I let her push me away. And everyday I hated myself for letting myself get pushed away. For not being there. And so, we grew apart and that hurt me more than anything. I dont know if it hurt her. I dont know if she cared. But it's okay. We're friends again. My feelings are somewhere deep in my heart because love never really goes away. I know this sounds strange. And a stupid reason to stop writing. But it hurt me too much to even see her name. So I stopped.

These past years have been SO shitty. My life has changed so much from when I first started this.

My parents separated, got back together and now are permanently separated.
My mom got really sick.
I was alone.
I self harmed.
I almost ended it.
But then, a wonderful boy named Christopher came into my life and helped me get better. He saved my life actually. Many times. He was my best friend.
I fell in love with him really hard, I still am.
I was happy again.
He made me feel like I was worth something. He's so special to me. He's everything to me. I was scared for a long time. I didn't want to get hurt again. But I'm happy that I gave him a chance. Because he changed me forever, for good. But things change and as I've learned love never lasts and  he stopped talking to me again...and I fear he doesn't love me anymore.

But it's a-okay. I'm not letting myself fall into the darkness again. I'm going to be okay. I've learned a lot of things. Like forgiveness is something that everyone deserves. Everyone is in so much pain, and that we should all help each other instead of hate each other. I'm learning to love myself. Life is still bad, but it's all on how you look at it I suppose.

I just wanted to be completely honest with all of you :)

I'm scared of a few things, like Laura seeing this. She doesn't even know. I basically just came out to you guys because I'm bisexual. I haven't really come out to many people in my life. But I will when the times right.

I'm scared of Christopher seeing this, but he needs not to worry. I love him so fucking much it hurts. It really hurts that's he's not talking to me but if he sees this. I just want him to know it's okay if he's busy. I'll be okay. I'm still keeping my promises. I'm not going anywhere. My love for him will be forever.

Besides that, I'm okay.

So...yeah. Here you go.

If any of you guys want to talk. Please message me. I'm here for ALL of you. Anyone who needs me I'm here. I will never judge you. I'll be your friend. I promise.

I'm sorry if this was long oops. I just needed to get that out there. If you didn't read this and are now reading this last paragraph. The next chapter of I Miss You will be posted in a couple minutes and yes, my children, there is smut ;). SO!

Goodbye my potatoes. I love you all. Please stay safe.