Oblivious Hearts (Phan)

Chapter Twelve

'Oh, for the simple life,

For tents and starry skies!'

- Israel Zangwill

Darkness fell early in the winter, so Dan and Phil were left in the woods at 6pm in the pitch black. They were cold and tired after their long walk, and the various activities they got up to along the way, so decided to take a break and rest for a while.

The dark, night sky was freckled with bright, white stars and the towering trees framed the moon. The deep blue velvet air was a cold blanket surrounding them, pressing into their skin and drawing them closer together, desperate for even an ounce of warmth. There were no roads with fast cars zooming past any where near them, the only sounds they could hear were the crunches of the leaves beneath them and the occasional call of an animal in the distance.

Phil's powder blue eyes shone brighter than any star above, brighter even than the moon, and they held Dan's gaze as he fell more and more in love with him from one blink to the next. The only warmth Dan could feel was Phil's breath and the heat from his hands entwined with Dan's. The jacket they were curled up on was the only thing between them and the damp earth of the woods.

"I know you're hurting Phil..." Dan whispered into the night. "And I know you won't tell me why. But you should know that you can tell me anything, I'm here for you. I'm in too deep to back out now, nothing you could say could scare me away, I promise." Phil's eyes, usually so neutral and often sporting a scowl, began to prickle with fresh tears, something he hadn't failed to notice was becoming more frequent when he was around Dan.

"Dan," he whispered in response. "I..."

"Shh. You're not ready to tell me, it's okay. I'll still be here when you are, and I won't leave your side, no matter what." Dan replied, wiping away a tear that had escaped down Phil's pale face. Phil looked so broken and fragile, it broke Dan's heart. Dan turned his face away from Phil and looked back up at the stars.

"They're beautiful aren't they?" Dan said. Phil sniffed, and rested his head on Dan's chest. "Do you ever wonder how far away the furthest star is?" Dan said, his fingers smoothing out Phil's fringe gently, trying to soothe him. "I do. I wonder if we'll ever see the edge of the universe. But then what would be beyond the end? It is impossible that it goes on forever, but then again, it is impossible that it doesn't go on forever. If it does go on forever, how far is that? If it doesn't go on forever, then are we trapped inside the, admittedly vast expanse, that is our universe?" Dan said, he was just letting his mouth run free, these thoughts were usually ones he kept to himself, but he felt comfortable airing them with Phil, even though he didn't need a response.

"I suppose, even if it does go on forever," Phil said, "However long and far that may be, that we are still trapped. There is only so far we can go, only so much we can do before we, as brittle humans, die and disappear from conscious existence. More humans will come and go, they will replace us and be improvements on us. They will live and die. They will experience life in colours and ways we cannot even comprehend at this stage of existence. The people of the future will look upon us as backwards and inferior for not having the technology or level of equality and freedom as they have, just as we do to those before us. It haunts me that when I die, even though I won't be aware of the fact I am dead, I will still be gone. I won't be able to see the colour of the grass in spring, I won't be able to feel the warmth and safety from a loving embrace, I won't be able to get lost in a beautiful song..." He trailed off.

They lay, legs entwined, in a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts and the feeling of being held. Phil was the first to break the silence.

"Dan, I'm seriously fucked up. But like you, I'm in too deep with whatever it is going on between us. I know I should let you go and not trap you with me, but I'm too selfish. I can't free you from me because I'll never feel like this about anyone again. I never have before." He took a deep breath. "You've seen how I am with other people, I can be really nasty, I know I can. But I'm scared of who they could be and what they could do."

"What do you mean you're scared of who they could be?" Dan asked, all his attention concentrated on Phil, his words and his expressions.

"They could be friends with... People... People who aren't good, Dan." His eyes were staring into Dan's, frantically trying to communicate some unspoken message. Phil wanted to tell Dan everything then and there. Everything about his past, about the people he was afraid of, where he learned that humans can be evil and why he turned into the ugly hearted person that he was now.

But he didn't.

He couldn't.

Dan crawled into Phil's lap and held Phil's cold hands between his own. He could question Phil and try and get him to explain what was going on with him and who he was scared of. But Dan wanted Phil to tell him when he was ready and actually trusted Dan with the information. Being forced into talking about your problems won't always help, this he knew from his training, but realizing you need help and seeking it out yourself is one of the best steps you can take. So Dan decided that he would make it his mission to ensure Phil knew he could trust him with anything and when the time came that Phil wanted to talk to someone it would be natural to turn to Dan.

"You're not alone anymore Phil, I'm here now. We can hide from them together." Dan said, wrapping his arms around Phil. "We have the whole universe to explore together, whoever we're running from will have to find us first."

Hey! I hope you liked this update, I'm doing another one in a minute too because this one's not that great :')

But still, comment, vote, share etc and LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT PLEEAAAASSEE - I love hearing from you guys 

T x