Oblivious Hearts (Phan)

Chapter Twenty Two

Word count: 2381

"You never really know what's coming. A small wave, or maybe a big one. All you can really do is hope that when it comes, you can surf over it, instead of drown in its monstrosity."

"Come on Phil, let's go home." Dan said cautiously, rolling into a kneeling position and offering Phil a hand to help him stand up. Phil's knees were weak and his bones ached from crying and the exhausting shaking his body was still subject too. The trees and surrounding damp earth had a natural and fresh smell to it, but there was a hint of stale mud under the leaves too. The air was still a bitter cloth over their skin, becoming sharper with the tear tracks now laced on their faces.

Dan set his jaw and wiped the tears from his face, putting an arm around Phil for support. Dan was determined to be strong for Phil so he continued to stare straight ahead despite feeling Phil's eye burning into him. Phil couldn't help but stare at Dan, not because he was worried he would disappear anymore but because he felt liked he'd seen Dan in a new light. It was odd, Phil thought it should be Dan seeing him in a new light, not the other way around. Phil had been so sure Dan would run when he heard, but now he was still here and giving Phil the support he hadn't received for years, Phil kicked himself for not seeing it before. Hadn't Dan been saying all along that he was in too deep? That he couldn't see himself without Phil? That'd he would never leave him? But Phil had been too blinded by his own feelings and own memories to believe Dan or even truly hear what he was saying. Phil was grateful for Dan's arm around him as he kept stumbling over the fallen branches and rocks on the ground even with Dan's help.

They walked to the edge of the trees and found Phil's bike. Dan could feel Phil still trembling at his side and new he wasn't up to driving or even riding, and Dan himself had only been on a motorbike three times in his life so had no idea how to control it.

"Phil," Dan said, speaking in a hushed voice. "We're going to have to leave this here and call a taxi to come and get us." Phil sighed in response, but he knew Dan was right, there was no way he'd be able to stay on the bike like this.

"Yeah, you're probably right." He replied, fiddling with his jacket zip to find his phone, his fingers were numb with cold and stung at the touch. He gripped his phone and his fingers shook as he tried to unlock it.

"I'll do it," Dan said gently, lightly taking Phil's phone from him and tapping in the taxi company's number. When they picked up he described where he was as best he could, not knowing their exact location only the name of the forest they were standing on the edge of. Dan still hadn't looked at Phil for fear of crumbling at the sight of him. There was an anger burning within him and a fear for Phil's safety. But there was also a deep sadness threatening to swallow his brain, a sadness Dan knew he'd drown in if he let it have its way. So he pushed it back and put on a brave face for Phil, he could be sad in his own time, he could scream and cry and pull out his hair later, now he had to be Phil's rock.

The taxi eventually found them, huddled together on the side of the road, and they climbed inside the car slowly defrosting at the warmth of the heating. The drive to Dan's didn't take long and it was spent in a numb silence. Dan had finally looked at Phil and now he'd started he couldn't stop. For the whole journey Dan looked at Phil and Phil looked at Dan. They drank in every feature, every crease, every line on each other's faces, loving every part and never wanting to tear their eyes away from the beautiful sight.

The taxi pulled up outside Dan's front steps, and hopping out Dan handed him an old £10 note, rushing around the other side of the car to Phil. Taking his hand in silence Dan led Phil up the stairs and unlocked the front door, stepping through into the warmth. Dan kicked off his shoes and shrugged his jacket off, letting it fall to the ground. His mouth seemed to be magnetized shut, he had no idea what to say but it felt as though words were unnecessary at this point so he didn't try to find any.