Word count: 780
'I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh, the things I learned from her
When Sorrow walked with me.'
- Robert B Hamilton
Phil pulled at his tie, which was feeling rather tight around his neck, and swallowed hard, from the lack of moisture in his dry mouth. It had been years since Phil had attended a funeral and they weren't any cheerier or light hearted than he remembered, nor than he expected. He thought back to last night, lying outside with Dan, gazing at the stars and talking about the universe. He remembered the urge within him to tell Dan everything, if he had then Dan could be here with him now.
But he wasn't.
Phil was outside in the crisp, winter air, along with the rest of the mourners, waiting for the hearse and the following cars to arrive. He tried his best to show a solemn expression but it came off more like a scowl, he hoped people thought he was just upset. He found it difficult to wear a sincere expression, as he wouldn't let himself feel anything at all about this death; not anger, not sadness, not happiness.
Nothing.
After all, he didn't really know her, he was nothing to do with the death, and he was only there because...
Why am I here? Phil thought. Alright, so maybe I feel something. Maybe I feel guilt...
As the hearse carrying the coffin pulled up outside the crematorium, Phil squeezed his fists into tight balls until he felt his nails digging into his palms, the feeling somehow grounding him. He took a deep breath and followed the rest of the congregation who were now slowly making their way into the small crematorium.
Inside there were about twenty rows of pews either side of the aisle, yellow flowers hanging from the ends of each row, adding a small pop of colour to the otherwise dull, brown room. The coffin was resting on the small raised area of the room with the black velvet curtains drawn back to the walls.
Phil sat down in a row towards the back, not wanting to intrude on the family and friends attending who were actually in mourning. Even though Phil wasn't mourning he still wore a black suit out of the respect for the deceased. The service began with a poem about the beauty of life and the hope given by the afterlife.
Phil switched his mind off and settled himself on letting the words of the following hymns and readings wash over him, not even bothering to rise and sit with the others.
Instead he focused all his attention on the coffin; it was a dark, wooden looking casket, with dull, golden handles and engravings along the sides. Phil thought about the body inside, and wondered how it looked by now. Of course, he'd seen this woman asleep or at least out cold numerous times before, but there had always been a flush of colour on her cheeks, he supposed now the colour would be fake if make up had even been applied at all. A few rows in front a blonde haired boy about the age of 13 was comforting his crying mother, who had broken down into loud sobs during the last reading.
Music began to play from the speakers in the corners of the high ceilings, but it wasn't religious, it was a modern song that Phil couldn't quite remember the name of. The crowd stood again, this time Phil joined in guessing what was about to happen. As he suspected, the curtains began to close in front of the coffin, hiding its final journey.
Phil was one of the last people to leave the room, and one of the only sporting dry eyes. He passed through the crowd of people all paying their respects to the family of the deceased and admiring the flowers in the risen concrete alleys winding their way around the building. He didn't stop to speak to the family members, having never met them, but instead tried to push his way through everyone without seeming rude, a feat he failed to achieve by almost knocking over the young blonde boy he noticed earlier. A look of fear flitted over the boy's face as Phil's tattooed and scowling form loomed over him.
"Sorry." Phil said, but his voice didn't come out as soft and genuine as he intended, it was more of a harsh bark. Oh well, Phil thought, it's not like I hurt him.
So here's the second update of this evening, wooh! Well, it's good for me anyway haha.
As usual, comment, like etc and tell me your thoughts on it please and thank you!
T x
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Oblivious Hearts (Phan)
Fanfiction"Love is blind." - Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales: The Merchant's Tale. "Love is the state in which man sees things most decidedly as they are not." - Friedrich William Nietzsche, The Antichrist "When we want to read of the deeds that are do...
