Oblivious Hearts (Phan)

Chapter Nine

Word count: 584

'That is the bitterest of all, - to wear the yoke of our wrong-doing.'

- George Eliot

Phil woke up in the middle of the night, a cold sweat breaking out across his body, his upper lip damp from fear. He pulled himself into a sitting position on the bed, and stared straight forward with his eyes wide open. He had fallen asleep in Dan's arms, feeling warm and safe, but now he felt sick at the thought of being near someone else. In the pale yellow light drifting into the room from the streetlights outside behind the thin curtains Phil could see Dan's body curled towards him, the space between his arms looked inviting and daunting simultaneously.

To calm himself down Phil took the opportunity of being the only one awake to drink in everything about Dan's petite face, the soft glow of the dim streetlight seeming to beautify it even more. Phil's eyes took in the soft, full lashes rimming Dan's eyes, the warm brown hidden by his closed lids. Phil's eyes traced the slight wrinkles on Dan's pink lips, which were slightly parted. A small, barely audible moan escaped Dan's mouth and one of his hands curled into a fist across the empty space Phil's upright body had left behind. Dan was reaching out for him.

Shit, Phil thought. I really like this guy, and he stupidly trusts me.

Asleep, Dan looked even more innocent and soft. Phil knew Dan had to be well experienced sexually given last night, but in other aspects of Dan's life Phil doubted how much he'd actually gone through. Phil doubted whether Dan had ever hurt anyone before, even unintentionally, he looked so young and so pure. The colour drained from Dan's face when he slept, and his complexion was even, with no pink cheeks flushed with embarrassment or excitement. His floppy brown hair had slightly curled from the sweat and hands that had found themselves running through it mere hours ago.

Phil dragged his eyes away from Dan's face and forced them to focus on the bookshelf across the room. He tried to push all the bad images from his mind, and he tried to forget the unwelcome hands he'd had on his body before. Instead of these thoughts he tried to remember the beautiful images from last night and tried to remember the gentle, and more than welcome hands on his body that had accompanied these images. He took five deep, steadying breaths. His left thumb rubbed the tattoo on his right index finger, reminding him to be strong and know that he didn't have to be alone.

Of course I don't have to be alone, he thought, I have Dan now... He looked over at Dan, who to Phil's surprise was looking back at Phil, his tired, puffy eyes searching Phil's own in confusion.

"Phil?" He croaked, his voice broken due to just waking up. "What's wrong?"

Phil's whole body relaxed at Dan's sweet voice full of concern for him.

"Nothing, sweetheart. Nothing at all." He said, softly caressing Dan's warm face. Dan smiled and closed his eyes. Phil thought perhaps he hadn't actually been fully awake. Phil leaned across and placed a small kiss on one of Dan's eyelids. The arm Dan wasn't lying on lifted up slightly into the air, making Phil smile, then lift the arm up more and slide in underneath. Dan snuggled in closer and nuzzled his face into Phil's shoulder. Maybe Dan was awake after all. Either way Phil felt infinitely better and safe from the bad thoughts in his mind whilst wrapped in Dan's loving arms.

Nothing's wrong, not anymore.

Okay, so here's just a little update for you tonight :)

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