To Rahman, With Love...

Recording His Blessings (4, 5 & infinite...)

                               In the Name of Allaah, The Most Beautiful, The Most Loving

Thousands of Peace and Blessings be upon His beloved Muhammad SAW, upon his blessed family and noble companions

                                                               - Aameen

Recording His Blessings (4, 5 & infinite...)

The days sometimes pass slowly, sometimes swiftly yet surely each day ends without fail, this much I've learned... and so in my world as time flies or crawls, there are many many moments when this abd yearns to pour much before Thee, my dearest Beloved.

But where to begin, what to say? My thoughts swim and churn at lightning speed or are they all flying in synchrony to the blinking of my eye? Yet this heart of mine is somewhat at rest knowing that Thou Knowest everything...what I've felt...what I'm going through...what I'll come to experience by Thy Fazal.

I begin to talk something to Thee and end up saying something else totally. There is so much to utter and so little time in this lulled silence of night as I stare at this companionably blinking screen.

They say winter nights are long, but I find them otherwise ... the days zip pass too, sometimes in a blur, sometimes very much vivid in each hour, but the nights ...they are different –in the nights, before bundling my tired body to sleep, I sit in peace before Thee, reviewing the whole day before me... content yes, always and ever pleased with Thee my Rahman, but the way our days are sometimes spent in futile pursuits worries me... and the worry still resting like a little iron ball upon my heart, I fall asleep.

The weight of the iron ball grows steadily every night, and I try to push it away, it moves and rolls far yes, with sincere tawakkal in Thee, but somewhere in the day while dealing with others, it creeps back again.

I began to write this when the little one has entered our lives Alhamdulillaah... what can I say about her now? Except that she's Thy dearest sweetest blessing to us. May Thy love and protection always surround her and those around her! Aameen.

The last months of her delivery Didi came to us and it was suddenly that I found in what way she has changed ya Rabbi. Her heart was still beautiful, she sure was kind and loving to us, but it was her laughter that we heard no more. I've mentioned so much in this book how she teased us all, cracking jokes and pulling our legs. But now, it was as if she had forgotten how to even joke. Was that how people become when they undergo trials? That they forget to laugh ya Rahmana? That they forget all Thy other blessings?

Abbu humorously commented upon something related to her, and it seemed we all got the joke except her ... Didi – Didi became furious and teary-eyed, perhaps it was all the tremendous hormonal changes inside her... and I had to tell her with a choked throat and pounding heart that it was nothing but some silly teasing. And unable to bear more, I said in a rush trying to control my tears,

"Aap hasnabhi bhoolgayay hain (you've forgotten how to laugh)!"

Bad of me that but those days has passed too now, for the little one has come Alhamdulillaah and I find her again smiling widely or laughing gaily, by Thy Fazal alone... Alhamdulillaah.

Silly me, I should have realized yet I didn't that it was all because of her pregnancy that she had become so...cranky. For more than a year I had not seen her, and when she came back, what could I expect and hope if not the same her? And now I know after her delivery, that the same ol' dearest Didi of mine is back ...with her sudden beautiful smiles and unexpected delightful teasing! Alhamdulillaahi Rabbil 'Alameen.